I'm glad that I don't have a mental illness
Those people are an incredible drain
A drain on society
A burden to carry
Something to be cruelly thrown away
I'm glad that I don't have a mental illness
I'm glad that I am perfectly sane
I had to watch this depressing man crying on the train
I heard that he went and hung himself
That's the pathetic nature of mental health
I'm glad that isn't me
It will never be
For I am mentally healthy with not a scrap of empathy!

I compare everything to you
It really isn't fair
From the way they roll their eyes
To the shade of their hair

I fear that no one could ever come close
To being as great as you
With your wicked sense of humor
And glacier eyes so blue

How could I ever settle
After experiencing the best?
It almost burns my cheek
Laying on a stranger's chest

Although I have been single for months
It doesn't feel that way in my heart
I suppose I will always be emotionally unavailable
No matter how long we are apart

I hate the constant loneliness
So I seek comfort in foreign places
But never find the warmth I am searching for
Just different detached faces

You left a hole inside of me
So large it can never be filled
No matter how many times I wring out
I can't mop up all the blood that's spilled

And anyone who dares come near
Only ends up hurt and broken
Because each word directed delicately
Doesn't surpass the ones past spoken

I guess I need to accept the truth
Happiness is permanently out of range
I am aware it's long after the time to let go
Why am I clutching onto what I cant change?

I have tried to find another fish
But I'm drowning in the ocean
Those who say I could do so much better
Have obviously never handled such emotion

They don't understand the magnetism
The irresistible pull I can't shake
You haunt every nightmare that wracks my mind
Each daydream when I'm awake

I try to look at other men
With the same adoring stare
But I don't have eyes for anyone else
No passion or patience to spare

I know there was a time in my life
Before you lit it up with your glow
But I don't remember how it felt
It was so many years ago

I've grown dependent on your touch
Was in shock when you ripped it away
There are other arms to help carry me
I just wish that yours was here to stay

No other skin is as soft and sweet
Nobody else has a hug as tight
No sweat besides yours smells exactly like home
No kiss except yours could ever feel right

There are other guys as tall as you
They may even have freckles just the same
But even an exact replica
Wouldn't sound like you when saying my name

Once you find 'the one' you know
Pursuit of other endeavors you stop
You can't climb any higher than the peak
And baby you were my mountaintop

You gave me everything I needed and more
It seemed like you barely had to try
We were almost always on the same page
Until out of nowhere you said goodbye

But I still picture your mischievous smile
Every night as I lie in bed
I've attempted to replace your photos
But they linger in my heavy head

And the sparkle ignited in your eyes
When you map my curves with your gaze
Is impossible to duplicate or outdo
Like the goosebumps you effortlessly raise

I wish and wish with all my might
For the strength to be alright all alone
But all I get are leaden feet
And memories that cut to the bone

Everyone says my wounds will heal
It just takes time and I will mend
But it's been 20 weeks of consistent hell
I haven't yet begun to see the end

I wish I could enjoy one moment
Without wistful nostalgia clouding my brain
These hopeless comparisons cause damage
Longing driving me insane

I know I cannot have you
You are no longer mine to hold
Silent treatment has never said so much
Your shoulder never felt so cold

It's hard to imagine you at peace
With someone new by your side
After all that we've been through together
Now you're drifting out with the tide

I am glad you discovered what you were missing
I hope she is everything I'm not and more
But would you answer honestly if I asked
Was it better the way it was before?

I can and I will
No more jokes
No more games
It's now my turn
I deserve to be loved
I deserve to spoil me
So if you want to join me
there's some things
you have to agree to
Its time for laughter
It's time for love
Real life no playing
MAKING IT THE BEST
For the rest of my time
on this earth

© Jennifer DeLong 🦏
3/2021

Living life with no regrets,
Isnt about not regretting what you do
Its about striving not to do anything regretful

As with flowers and with bone,
the life you lead will be sewn.
and under flesh and weeds,
will lie a soul filled with deeds.
and I hope, upon the greatest descend,
with no-more hearts left to mend,
Before the tears and the dirt,
you'll Smile, for all life is worth.
So when the rain falls and the sun sets,
you'd have loved it all with not one regret.

Am I happy
Am I not happy

Am I afraid
Am I not afraid

Do I believe
Do I not believe

Can I make it happen
Can I not make it happen

Is this all there is
Is this not all there is

Can someone else make me feel
Can no one else make me feel

Will I act
Will I not act

I will die

"do you love me?" i asked with utmost uncertainty
he looked at me as he said, "sometimes."
unsettled, unsecured and in limbo, "no guarantee."
he repeated, "no guarantee... at all times."