My tired eyes cry
My weary body lies
And why do my tears
Think they cannot dry?

Shaky hands and nervous throat
Exhausted heart, this stimulated soul
They ridiculously wait, day after day,
For a break from sorrow, a thing called hope.

How is it that I can live, but it is the hardest thing I ever did?

© Melissa Carlson 2016

Your eyes look into mine
Graze at  me one more time
Your hands begin to twitch
As you feel the nervous itch
Your legs begin to move
Opening to the moon

Now my eyes start to wander
Intensions no surprise
holding back, binding time
from docile to volatile
Walk on the water for a while
I'll show you the way
The way everythings the same
My eyes examine you
you examine me too

lets us stop this dance
let us do what we long to do
connect my energy to you
I'm here inside you

You look at me and see someone, who is just a bit nervous
Inside though I have organs attempting to commit suicide,
From this tormenting struggle of anxiety
I have legs aching to carry me away from the perceived threat
Of talking, or attempting to act normal
I have a heart that beats too fast, hands that shake too much, a mouth too dry
So when someone says hi
I am left staring, trying to conjure the confidence to reply
But all that occurs is the piercing silence, that shatters through my overactive brain

The twitch of the fingers,
The loud beating of the heart.
Everything becomes sharp and focused.
The tingle that shoots through your whole body
The shallow breathes that start to get harder
every second

Starting to feel feint but you must go on.
knowing, waiting
for the moment to be over.
It feels like eternity but
its really been seconds, minutes
maybe even hours
but it feels like forever.

Shaking all over,
Thoughts going a mile minute.
Will it be good enough?
Did you try your best?

or

did you just make a fool of yourself?

Oh how you remind me of a true goddess.
Your eyes,
I swear as I look into them I can see your soul,
And my god it looks just like an angel.
Your hair,
Softer than the Egyptian Cotton sheets my childhood bed was wrapped in.
Your body,
I swear the gods must have designed you themselves.
Your smile,
Bright like a child's,
But luring like a siren.
And its got me curious about your lips.
The way they are shaped,
Filled with poison to intoxicate your lover.
Aphrodite has nothing on you,
For she was the goddess of love,
Luring people into her.
But someone just has to glance at you to be starstruck,
Like standing in front of the class for the first time.
My hands become sweaty as I try to form the words in my mouth to speak to you,
But you tie my tongue like a knot in a cherry stem.
As you give me a hug your scent reminds me of spring.
The light rain and the blooming flowers,
My heart coming back to life,
Like the earth after winter.
I say that someday I will tell you how you make my soul catch fire,
But you are forbidden for me.
And even if I attempted it,
My words would just fall out of my mouth like water out of a faucet.
I would stutter and never find the right words in either of the two languages I speak,
So they would just run down the drain..
~P.S.

Waiting for sunrise
Waiting for sunset
Waiting for God to answer my prayers

Waiting for love
In all the wrong places
While I go about
My daily routine

Brush my hair
Eat breakfast
Go to class
Repeat
Whilst I wait for adventure
Something sweet


Waiting for guidance
Waiting for answers
Waiting for a voice to answer me back
As I pray and pray
Hoping for change

Waiting for MRI results
From the oh so holy Doctor
Doctor Doctor please tell me
What does my future hold

You wait for days on end to
Tell me
As these thoughts swirl around
In my head
Will I be alright?
Is the tumor back?
Will I need another surgery?
More radiation?
Another punch in the throat?
Hmmm what will it be?
Will I die?

But really
Why should I wait
There's a whole world out there
With my name on it
All I need to do is
Stop waiting

I am made of nervous energy;
I cannot stop,
I am not quiet,
I will never be still.