Struggling inhaling
A swelling, current
Mix of malaise and
Iridescent rays
Whipping within my 6th
To 2nd -

Is this normal
It’s not
Meditation shouldn’t be
This ***** filling
Royalling current of **** -

God, what happened to the bliss?
The breathing in until peace
Amidst a storm
External;
What did I do to deserve this
Everything -

It’s all spread in;
Sins, loves, memories
The currents of the past
Slamming against my dammed
For too long
Now spring 4th

Only by being
Here;
May I come to

Know these pieces
Long repressed
In armors rusted shut;

This is spiritual lubricant
                       It’s ******* me hard

I create a dream and then lose myself into it.

My whole self.

I create the biggest most soothing dream that I could ever imagine; all of my wants and all of my current needs I put into it.

I invest all of my life energies into the dream and then I crush it.

I really mean that I crush it.

It gets scattered into millions of pieces of stardust and meteorites sprinkled among the mountains and dales of the galaxies and beyond.

Nothing fails as nothing is started. I am nothing. I become nothing and I stay as nothing until a new dream appears and the process is repeated once again. It expands and shrinks as it blinks back at me.

"It is all a big joke August."

I can hear the voices of the gods.

It is all the mystical nature of it all.

I lay in the middle of a soccer field
all alone
there's no one in sight

I'm ****** and I'm awaiting a revelation
from above
and beyond

Staring into the midnight sky
I'm brought back to my childhood
experiencing deep curiosity
once again

I wonder what's out there in the universe
my head is spinning
and the stars and the moon
seem like they're dancing
and it's honestly beautiful

But I've always been stuck with these questions
questions that I've never had an answer for

How did I get here?
What is life?
Why am I here?

The stars would speak to me
through the language of love and light
they told me everything I needed to know

They told me that we are their children
that I was sent here to bring people back to our true home

They told me that human life is a special occasion
But not to go off the path

It occurred to me that we are homesick
we have gotten lost
we think that the stars are pretty and that's all there is to it

But it goes far deeper than that

And when I thought about how deep it goes
Something within me spoke
and it wasn't my voice
not even the voices in my head

It spoke through emotion
it told me that the stars aren't there just to look pretty
it told me that the stars are within us
and when we gaze into the depths of the cosmos
we're really gazing into how far we've gotten since genesis
looking at our ancient past
a huge part of who and what we truly are

The stars are there to guide us back home
they are our divine compass
they are always watching over us
but we've kind of always knew that
come full circle

Eyes shut glancing into eternity
Monastically still in his own sadness.
Forever a cloud over his sun.
There is no foundation upon which to build.

Styx always flowing too fast to jump;
Life: too slow.

The eye, his eye, red from exhaustion & drought,

Algiz of the soul, inversed.
He has no apotheosis nor revelation of Godhood.

The golden light in his life,
dulled to a smoldering shadow,
could not be re-ignited.

Others smile without hesitation, nor lies.
Others' light: a golden fire.

There is no door out of life for the cowardly,
& no spark to rebirth the light.

A cold limbo, his.

The crushing weight of the world,
moste existential,
was also the dreadful crushing weight of existence for him.

Everyday, a labored breath of smoke drenched air.

Every lie, a cry for help he neither wanted nor deserved.


..
Walking blindly through the fog of existence.

Forever, forever...
Unto nothing, nihil, nothing...

Forever.

Nothing.

..Forever.