I am invisible.

I make everything around me invisible.

But you touch my hand,
And I become a faint silhouette.
Faint, but still I am something none the less.
I am tangible,
When you hold my hand.

But you don't hold my hand very often.
You forget to,
Because you forget me.

But I am surprised
That when you open your eyes,
You don't see your empire crumbling around you.

Because when I stood next to you,
I made your world invisible.
You couldn't see the wolves behind you,
Because I was beside you.

But now, your whole world suddenly burst into light.
And reflected off the teeth
Of the monsters at your heels.

A steady minded person might tell you that everything can be measured, calculated and converted into a language of black and white, solutions worked out with sharpened pencils.

How do I measure my heart breaking?

Tell me,at what rate did my heartstrings snap when he told me he was leaving?
How long until all of my broken bones turn into dust?
Calculate at what speed the tears rolled down my checks.
How many doctors will it take to sew my heart back together?
Was it when he crumpled me up like a wasted idea etched onto a piece of notebook paper that everything started to bleed?
What part of my brain did his gentle hands touch that woke my monsters from their slumber?
How many days until this aching in my swollen chest turns into a gentle throb?
When will I be okay again?

Takes this pain and your sharpened pencils and rip the numbers from the dead hands of his name. Do away with the emotion like he did away with me.

Would it tear you apart to know that I was clean for so long.
Would it tear you apart to know that the the number is back to zero.
Would it hurt if I told you how you woke up those monsters inside my head that all steer me towards steep cliffs of insanity.
Would it hurt you to know that I stepped off.
Would you cry knowing that you choosing her broke me.
Would you cry if you saw my shattered bones spelled your name.


No I don't think it would.
My screams are not silent, they are carved into my body, they erupt from my eyes but baby you never were one to notice how my heart bled for you.
Our love was a metaphor written in a language you didn't understand.





maybe you need to learn to read.

i'm afraid to be awake at night alone
not because of the darkness in my room or the monsters under my bed
but the darkness in my heart and the monsters in my head

I was eaten away
By a monster inside of me.
It feeds on the feelings of
Shame.
It feeds on the
Fears I have.

When I look it in the face and I tell it
No.
I am better than this,
It knows all the right words to tell me
I am nothing.

It reminds me
I have felt the greed of too many men as they steal,
Yet tell me I am not enough.
That I walk down hallways,
Embarrassed to be standing,
To be walking,
To be seen by the wit of cruel souls.
That I believe the taunts
Before accepting the compliments.
That every night when I go to sleep
I will not rest.
That I will give up on trying and lye Awake
Tired and unable
Dangling off the edge of my bed.
Letting the cold slip into sheets that Were once
So warm.
It reminds me that I know better
Than to feel such naïve elation.

I have seen the guilt
Arise in the eyes of the people I love.
As they question where they went Wrong.
I stand before them
Exposed,
They preach, keep trying.
And I no longer have the will to Confess the comfort
I feel
When I give up,
Because my monsters
Are so friendly when they tell me
I'm better off in their company.

I searched my starlit void
looking for the tears
running my hands down bright spines
combing glittery trails for clues
I had to find the thieves
who ****** on purple plumes
and dimmed each golden orb
Once roaring flames of fire
the dimness become dire

the Sorcerer was hid behind spiked shadows
claws and teeth
of monsters beneath
cast clouds down on my brow
and I longed for His brightness to show
to drink down a burning glow
impenetrable lightness

Today the demons are alive and well,
And I'm trapped in my personal Hell -
Pounding on the prison gates,
But no one answers and I fear it's too late.

If I couldn't save myself,
How are they supposed to?

Stuck here in this empty cell
That I sentenced myself to -
Locked my soul away so nobody could steal it,
But a soulless life broke my heart,
And now nobody could heal it.

No, didn't need a boy to break my ***** of a heart,
I did that myself when I locked up my soul
And threw away the key.

And now I'm crying for release,
Screaming, "Someone help me!"

When you lock away your mind
Trying to hide from the lies,
It's the truth you're sure to find.
But sometimes reality is just too **** real,
And sometimes you break your own heart.

You just gotta keep searching
For a way back out.

Prison break,
Break the gates
And embrace your fate.

And all the while please just know
For there to be a Hell on Earth,
There must also be a Heaven.

For Heaven's sake, let's rush those gates,
Escape the land of relentless self hate.
So sick of being a powerless inmate,
But it's what I get for pushing you away.

There I go again pushing myself back into the cell
That I know too well.
If this is Hell, dear Lord,
Where is my Heaven?

I can't find it -
I've been searching for years,
Yet hiding behind my fears,
And drowning in my countless tears.

Maybe I can cry my way out of this.
My soulless life, so lifeless
Even the guards have disappeared!
So why the **** am I still here?!

It's time for a prison break,
Break the gates
And embrace my fate.

And the whole time I'll remember
For there to be a Hell on Earth,
There must also be a Heaven.

Feeling like I don't deserve it -
Laying my dreams to rest
In a brutal death,
Won't pass this test.
I'm testing myself to see if I've grown comfortable
In my cell I know far too well -
Maybe this isn't Hell,
Maybe this was Heaven all along.

For I once told myself
The greatest joy in life is crying.
Well then why aren't I happy by now?

It's been so long that happiness is just a myth to me -
A bedtime story you tell yourself
While the monsters in the closet
And under the bed
And in your head
And your heart
Start to creep out to tear you apart.

But somehow I've made it out alive,
I'll hold onto my soul this time.

For I've broken the gates, and before it's too late
I'm on my way to find my heaven.

you found me in the dark
hiding from the monsters
inside my **thoughts

The say silence is golden,
But I think it more like stone
Hits you cold and hard
When you realize you're alone

Seeing figures in the shadows,
Faces on the walls
So go on, face the silence:
Think you got the *****?

Well you'll be thinking twice
When your blood spatters the walls

You feed the void with monsters.