Atoning
Admonishment

Beloved
Blessings

Confusing
Contemplation

Debating
Disturbance  

Everlasting
Eternity

Foreboding
Faithfulness

Gods
Goodness

Hasting
Heaven

Internal
Intuition

Jesus'
Judgement

Kings
King

Loving
Light

Monday's
Moment

Never
Numbing

Open
­Opportunity

Peoples
Persons

Qualify
Quiet

Redeemer
Resemblance

Saving
Salvation

Thee
Truth

Undenying
Unity

Valient
Victory

Washed
White

X chromosome
X factor

You
Yelling

Zealously
Zapped

I’ve lost myself.
I no longer know who I am
and I’ve looked at all those poems I had to write in English
you know the ones
the acrostic poems where teacher makes you use your name as the word
and the lines off the letters are supposed to describe you.
Yet I don’t see myself as that person anymore.
I sign my name as Paige Swanson
it’s the name on my birth certificate the one my mother decided on.
Paige is the name I respond to
Swanson is the name I sometimes despise.
Thats changed over time though,
because when I was younger I liked my last name and despised my middle.
I’ve reached high school and the only thing unique about me
about my entire name is the middle one.
Bobette.
It’s the name that people don’t expect and don’t believe
at least not the first time I say and spell it.
Bobette.
The name I decided to use to find words that people think describe me.
I don’t know who I am so I’m trying to find out through my friends.
Through my middle name.
B - Beautiful…or so my best friend and boyfriend say.
Beautiful not just face and body but soul and mind.
Beautiful words in writing
and paintings on canvas.
O - Observant… I notice and remember the little things
the chain on someones necklace being messed up
when someones makeup is smudged.
Other peoples feelings
more so than my own.
B - Bereaved as I’m still missing my grandmother
my pets
my old friends
and when I used to know who I am.
E - Electrifying for my personality
for my looks
and attitude
or maybe just because I have a tendency to shock people.
T - Ticklish not that you get to know where
and as my boyfriend has learned in the past 2 months
tickling me can lead to 1 of 2 things.
Either an extreme act of violence or kissing. (at least when it comes to him)
T - Tender even though I may not always seem like it
as I’m the friend and girlfriend that playfully hits you
but as soon as you’re actually hurt or upset
I’m there to try and help take the pain away.
E - Entrancing as I apparently distract people
or did they say enthralling as I keep peoples attention
no I think it was Enchanting as like a fairytale my personality keeps people watching
wait…those words all mean the same thing…never mind.
Bobette.
The only unique part of my name…of me
and I’ve used it to find who I am
but all I’ve done is find words that people think describe me.
Not who I am
and I think I’m more confused now than I was to begin with
So I have a question…
Can someone tell me who I am?
Cause I have no idea anymore.

If this is the end
Please make it subtle
If this is the end
Don't threaten me with childish lies
If this is the end
Then I shall miss the beginning, the middle, but certainly not the end.

I don't prefer beginning
And I don't prefer endings.
Because beginning are too hopeful
And endings are too sad.
I prefer the middle.
Because the middle
Isn't the beginning
And isn't the end.
The middle is when you feel invisible.
And nothing bad can ever happen.
It's where
dreams can maybe come true
And life can be blissfully perfect.
It's between
The hopeful and the sadness.
It's when
You feel like he will never hurt you
And you're content with yourself.
I prefer the middle
Because the middle doesn't have to start
And it never has to end.

I sit in the middle of the classroom
Because the back is too deceiving
And the front is too noticeable.
I sit in the middle.
I sit in the middle of happiness.
Because depression is too deceiving.
And pure happiness is too noticeable.
I sit in the middle of myself.
Because I'm not deceiving enough.
And I never want to be noticed.
I sit in the middle of life.
Because the past is too deceiving.
And the future is too noticeable

You fill me with worry.
That equal feeling as my eyes roll upwards
towards that solitary rain cloud in an otherwise sun-fuelled sky.
You make me want to raise my *******
and shout, ‘*******’.

From over a period of time
From time to time
Again it has been assessed and proved
A loss of focus not only will cause delay, but also result in failure
Keep a focus on your goal
Awaken your mind
Activate your senses
Mobilize your thought process
Focus on your goal.

Obstacles have always been there in everyone's life
They are part of everyone's life
Dealing with obstacles enriches the level of experience
Skills are honed over a period of time
Same are put to test when overcoming an obstacle
Time and again it has been proved that time is the most critical factor in dealing with an obstacle
A lot of time gets consumed when tackling an obstacle
When dealing with an obstacle always be sure about yourself
Be firmly grounded
No matter what happens
Even when things get out of control
As each and everything moves towards an extreme end.

Recall, recollect and remember everything
From the past and from prior

Be optimistic about yourself
Don't give up
Never lose hope
Learn and remember
Keep it in mind
Dealing with obstacles is a part of reaching towards goal.

A lot of things come into focus when handling things in routine life
When we miss something
We learn from it
When we skip out something
We learn from it
As and when a mistake is made
We learn from it
Learning is a continuous process
Learning never stops
We learn new things and new ways
Learning has always remained a continuous process.

Shaping the future does add the much needed zinger and spice to routine life.
Since the process of learning continues it brings into focus many more new things
A few amongst them include progress, growth and reach
Each amongst the three has got a definite role to play in the present and also in future.

The outside world is a fast changing place
Different from all that we know
As and when you play a game
Important, you know rules of the game
Over a period of time things change
Then comes the right moment of time
Something for which you had been eagerly waiting for quite long
Having learnt from your own prior experience
Having honed your skills
Now you really know very well as to how to play the game
Now following the rules becomes part of your habit
Still a lot of things remain
The goal is still far away
Far, far away

When it comes to winning
Make sure you have got both experience and expertise
Experience and expertise works as a contrast
When to use the right element
In what ratio, depends on need of the hour.

When the right thing takes place at the right moment of time
From then onwards nature of things differ
Gradually everything starts happening in the right direction
Definitely time has a vital role to play in everyone’s life.

Learn as much as possible
Learn from the highs and lows of life
From the mistakes of your life
Learn from the experiences of the past
Imbibe as much as possible
Once on firm grounds, then move ahead
Make it a habit then and always remember
Keep it in mind
As and when you play a game, whenever you play a game
Winning is not an intention
It’s winning for which you are playing
It's your aim.

Give your best to achieve your aim
As and when you win,
Then,
From then onwards
Make it a habit of achieving your aim.

rusteloosheid
en vastgeroest verdriet
niemand ziet
het lam tussen de wolven
maar ver komt het niet
waar komt het vandaan
en waar is het geboren
of zit dat tussen haar oren
als er weer eens niemand is
het aftuigen van zelf
nog hopen op meer
lichamelijk zeer
een druppel wanhoop
gemengd met wantrouwen
en al gauw, de wanemmer verzoop
in eigen tranen
dan stromen het doet
en blijft stromen voor goed
rusteloosheid
diep in de nacht
wanneer er niemand op je wacht
behalve de ster achter de wolken
geen woorden maar daden
ja dat zal het zijn
maar het tegenbewijs valt klein
woorden onhoorbaar
een jongen die lacht
het vertrouwen ontkracht
een laatste afscheidsgroet
valt niet helemaal goed
als de duisternis nabij
zoals mijn geboorte
alleen en vrij
later zeer zelfstandig
maar nog geen procent als de rest
verpest
verpest
waarom ben ik zo anders
wat is er mis met mij, zo vrij
iedereen een ander perspectief
en ik begrijp het maar niet
ook al noemen ze mij lief
de wereld redden
met iedereen erin
heeft opeens weinig zin
als het verboden blijkt te zijn
slechts een eenzijdig spel
ach, het lam weet het nu wel
tevergeefs
rennend in de ochtendzon
verscholen in een wolkenbed
de eerste straal licht
uit het zicht
uit het zicht van de wolven
waar anders heen
springend over steentjes
met sterke beentjes
alleen in de grote wei
waarin de stilte zo groot
haar hart stilletjes vergroot
zo ook de klap van pijn
de enorme val
zo jong al
de verhouding van zwaarte
en het verdragen
aan de andere kant het extreem behagen
dat is toch geen rechte lijn
maar slechts twee woorden mochten er zijn
in steen gekerfd, beroerd gepolijst
blijdschap en depressie
maar niets er tussen in
want dat had toch geen zin
voor iemand met sensitieve uitersten
bestaat geen middenin
toch levende in een wereld van het midden
zoek balans, het middelpunt
en *** men het haar ook gunt
ze was nu eenmaal als lam geboren
en niet als schaap..  (noch rund)

blind als een mol
gravend in de grond
het was haar eigen graf
waar ze uiteindelijk op stond
omringd door de vertrouwde pijn
vroeg zich af wel van haar te zijn
met borstkas gespleten door twee
het lam kreeg heimwee
stond half dood op
wachtend op één
met hart nog langzaam trekkend
lekkend
de geur van aarde in vacht
wie had deze terugkomst ooit verwacht
en het worden van schaap
in wolfskleren
wilde zich immers niet bezeren
want moe het al was
met steen gevulde buik
de val nu slechts een kras
en wist niet eens meer wat de val was
de doorn(en) uit verleden
gestoken in vers vlees
al genoeg geleden
dus besloot nu gewoon ook wolvin
je bent een wolf, meisje
je bent een wolfmeisje
met het schaap
bloedend
nog ergens binnenin

all white
how to start
from end
than we know
the end
is good
or better yet
the big picture
then the little stuff
takes care of itself
yet
a word
in the beginning
starts the steady stream
hope it doesn’t
end in a
t
r
  i
c
  k
   l
    e

Somewhere in the middle is the place I don’t want to be
   I wonder what happened to me?  It is not like I want to repeat my awkward teen years especially those strong emotions and my bad acne
  It is just that the years seemed to fly by too fast
It seems like in a blink of an eye I was 20 than 30 than 40, Oh my!!
A neighbor recently told me “Over the Hill starts at 28”, man alive I hope she’s wrong. If she’s right I’ll take a big breathe and be strong
This road of life that I travel on, speaking of roads, I don’t want to be in the middle of a road either. I once heard a comedian say,” In the middle of the road is yellow lines and dead skunks (I say, oh gross!) If I find myself in the middle of the road my friend’s, I will quickly cross.
  If I am in the middle I will cope at all cost. I will live the time I have left to the fullest I can. Make the best of every opportunity and learn all I can.
  I will make a bucket list in case I kick the can. I will live in the moment but still plan, plan, plan.
  I will continue to let my loved ones know I love them and my friends too. To all you who are reading this I want you to know I appreciate you too! Please forgive my babbling, I recently had a birthday which made me take in account the years that have rushed by
  Well I could live another fifty years, maybe even more, “they say that time fly’s when you are having fun”, I am not sure if it is true or not, but watch me as I try