Falling in love is quiet beautiful
Yet dangerous
Is it me that won’t letting myself out
Or she that won’t letting me in ?

After all this years
I searched myself something to love
I’ve found it
But I let it go

Not because of all the rejections
Not because I’m giving up
It is because I love her
The only way to love her, is to let go

I know that my presence isn’t desired
I know that no matter how hard I try,
She closes the door when I knock
Since then, days of memories is all I got.

Days to be remembered.

You See What I Let You See…by Jessie 1/05

What do u see when you look upon me…Do you see a rock in front of thee?

You see what I let you see …you know what I let you know.

I am not the rock you think me so, nor am I the hunter’s mighty bow.

The strength I have, you think you see is nothing more than fantasy.

There are days I can conquer the world and days I can’t face it.

I am a tragedy within a comedy, laughing to conceal the pain.

Lean on me and I will hold until the weight crushes us both

Ask and I shall give until I have given more than I had.

Put me on high and disappointment will inevitably be near by.

Outwardly I am as still as air in the eye of the storm, while inside
I shake uncontrollably.  

I can calm and steady the frailest of souls for I have the trust of all, yet none in myself.

I am the one that people depend on and I am weary of the burden it brings.

Like a raging fire I can consume all in my path…yet wet me and I am merely steam, dissipating within the air.

You see what you want to see…

Examine the rock, for it has faults and will one day crumble.

What do you see when you look upon me?

You see what I let you see.

In the ocean, when I sink
Pull me up, but not out
Let me learn how to swim,
stay with me patiently
till our skin wrinkles.

On the battlefield,
let me fight,
for I don’t need a knight in shining armor to save me,
but an army to fight along with me.

Let me explore the depths of the ocean and cave,
Let me see the shades of emotions;
from dawn to dusk that reflects on the sky.

Let me sway with the breeze
and sail turbulent waves.
let me be, but don’t let me go.

Let me tell you about this fine, chocolate boy
skin darker than Hershey's, teeth whiter than baking soda, & girl, he looks good in everything!
I can remember meeting him on one occasion but he will argue that its 2
1 whole year of madness and I am still in love with dude

Let me tell you about this fine, chocolate boy
When I see him out my heart just skips
I feel like I am still trying to win him, slowly playing my poker chips
Its like I haven't already snatched him & claimed him as mine
I'm still trying to impress him, I do all the time

Let me tell you about this boy
His skin so soft and so smooth
I get chills when he runs his hand up my side & kisses my back
When he ***** on my neck, I am most likely to drown
He smells like my favorite things-- Cologne, Henny, & Crown

Let me tell you about this chocolate boy
I'm so desperately in love
I want to be his first & only everything in the world
I want to be his first wife
I want to carry his first child
I want to be with him forever...  I know yall think that's wild!

Have you ever wanted to die?

I have
I have wanted to die for such a long time
That the wanting became a part of me
When i was young despair fell into my lungs like a liquid
And i couldn’t get rid of it
Tiny lungs filled quickly
And they couldn’t handle when my face reddened and my pulse quickened
So much so, that as i wheezed out of consciousness
I hoped and prayed to never wake up

But i always did,
And as i grew
So did my lungs

Instead of being full they were only a third of the way there
I wasn’t so suffocated but i could still feel it stir with every breath

To me the world had always been a sad place to be in
Everyone was always searching
For something bigger
Searching for something better
For more
Because having what you have was never enough
And loving what you love was never enough
Even being who you are was never enough

The sadness was engraved in me too
The sadness was a wax coating over my body
And it made it hard to move

Hard to feel
All my senses were muffled
And it left me so unsure of everything
About my feelings and how others felt about me

So that even friends were not really friends
Because relationships make people delve into each other

And how could anyone delve into me if the wax
That had once been a thin coating was now protruding limbs?

I was alone
In a planet full of people
In a life full of companions
And in a family that was kind but neglectful

One day, gruesome thoughts began
I wanted someone

Anyone

To feel the despair and the sadness
Much like i did
To make them wheeze, to make them numb

I wanted to tear them apart

Floating in in the pool that became an ocean
Of my very own psychosis
Twisted me into the very thing that was killing me
So i could prey on another
And start the cycle once again

There's a parasite in me,
That's eating away at my mind
My sanity
And my soul

I hope to end this with me before it's too late