Lonely child I was
I asked why I was not enough
to lift her sorrows
when I saw my mother linger in the dark
broken body
             body devoid of broken mind

imploring to forget
drinking herself away
yearning to feel a little less

mother who's fragile arms could never lift me
mother who in her sadness could not see past her own void
mother who fought valiantly against her own pain

has managed to forget everything
including me

how i wish i could have understood

i dont think about it
i just drown myself in work
im not thinking about it
i just drown myself with words

You lay.
Hands cold,
clenched and vibrating.
Every sound you utter is a croak,
something deep in your voice feels torn.
Your skin crawls,
critters roam your body.
As phantom voice whisper in your ear,
mocking, taunting.

The anxiety builds,
as your kin spew poisoned words.
It froths,
as discomfort settles in your skin.
It spills,
when your own thoughts attack you.

Degradation could never remain an external battle

I gave you
                   everything i had to give
                                                      my money
                                                      my love
                                                      my time
I've given you
                        my health
                        my happiness
                        my peace of mind

And still i search for ways to please you
                                               to appease
                                               to ease the pain
                                                            ­           of the void
                                                i know is carved in the both of us


Even though i know it will never be enough

that single melody
carries all my sorrows
like fraught nerves
or a snapped piano wire

every misstep, mistake, fall and heartbreak
banging, crashing, reverberating
like an endless echoing thunderous bell
enclosed in my head

shame, hate, envy
twang, clank, shrill and abysmal
like an orchestral horror composition fading into discord