so we are in the same time zone

a first clue that makes me think,
mmm,
you could be my next door neighbor,
wouldn’t that be weird

knock on the wall twice,
I’ll know, knock back thrice,
and will hear you cracking up

and
if you are down the block, across the street,
or down south in Eastern Narnia Florida,
or in Eastern Narnia Ohio,
where the palms are swaying,
and the spring snows still hanging on,
doubled over with laughter
at this preposterous notion,
I’ll know,
cause mutual cracklings
are airborne contagious

and I hope to never be vaccinated
against laughing out loud

1:47am again somewhere Narnia nearby

Above my sadness,

swallows are swiftly winging –


in the laughing winds.

Whispers fill the air
They fall on straining ears
Who want to hear the reds and blues
Of those who are not there

Smirking with delight
They draw close and near
Looking at the figure lone
Their snickers left in night

Crafting yet smiling
They turn and greet their (friend)
Loner, who is statue still
Is warmed by their lying

but unknown to the figure lone
His friend had drawn his blade
And left it in his back
For everyone to see.

Im lonely
But
The wind has come to comfort me
Perhaps not in
"reality"
Or whatever you people to tell me to snap back to
But i'm glad I don't feel alone.

I can watch the pretty girls' funny shows on Netflix all night
Who's words weren't written with them in mind
Or any mind for that matter
Or who's shows aren't even "theirs"

Hopefully my puffs of bright beaming teeth breath
Fuel these winds onward
To someone else with worse problems
Or better
So be it

I like to watch you laugh
I play it over again in my head in slow motion
The crease in your eyes, the light behind them
I can feel your soul relax, you give it all to God
The backpack full of bricks and regret, you gave it all to God
Your smile takes up half your face, it really is a beautiful sight
The hair in your face, your teething making an appearance, almost primal
I like to watch you laugh

If I can't hear you
I'll laugh
Since I'm afraid to ask for clarity

If you offend me
I'll laugh
It's just a joke of course...

If you insult me
I'll laugh
My self-confidence cannot be lowered!

If I'm humiliated
I'll laugh
Punishment and anguish will come soon

If you notice the cuts
I'll laugh
"It was just my dog, LOL."

If I'm ready to die
I'll laugh
I don't want you to know

If I cause harm
I'll laugh
It'll make me sound innocent :)

If you see my fear
I'll laugh
To simply strengthen the illusion

you could be such a handsome, loving boy,
and live in a
big,
nice house
if you didn’t insist on treating me like this...

you know?

we could be neighbors, the
two of us, the
kind who smile and wave at each other at eight in
the morning before we drive to work.
.
.

you at the office, and me...
also
at the office.

can you even imagine:
laughing at whatever winter wonderland party
they hold
with no worries,
no secrets,
no walls...

but i have given up,
as you have grown cruel,  
still thinking of me in that mean, wretched way,
despite the fact that you probably say you don't really care...

but you're just that animal,
the one
you turned into for him-- what
do they call them again?

pigs?

I  attempted skinny dipping once. I was on a beautiful beach, with a former lover. I had a concoction of colourful cocktails coursing through me, too many that I couldn’t have completed that sentence, at the time, if I had tried!

I felt good, amazing even! I giggled and skipped, I breathed in the warm air, I glided towards the sea, I could smell the air getting saltier by the second, I could taste the ocean.

As I pulled at them, my clothes left me, They fell away with grace and floated off into the night. I am so feminine so free I thought! I almost felt as if when I reached the shore line my legs would leave me, a beautiful tail would form!

I would be a mermaid, I would dive in and it would be magic, I would splash and laugh, the moonlight would dance on the water, making my hair sparkle! I would glance back at the land and at my love, he would be raw with emotion, sad for my leaving, wonderment for the sensual, ****** siren I had become!!

Instead.

On the way to the water, I kicked a small rock, fell to the floor like a sack of bricks and let out a noise I can only describe as a deep and gutteral mechanical whine.

As I lay there, disheveled and naked on the sand I could hear in the distance, the heavy laughter of my lover.

I gained some bruising, I lost a toenail and my dignity.

I havent attempted skinny dipping since.