I don't have an issue with self confidence
A repetitive lie I've begun to notice that I tell
It's like the pain in my chest when I see other people's success compared to mine
I ignore both

When I read other writing I start out feeling so much inspiration
Then I reflect back on my own and feel incompetent
Because I can't write what they write
I can feel what they feel through their words
Something I wish I could accomplish

It's jarring and frustrating
I keep judging myself
The very thing I've run from has become my life

I can't escape the judgmental ways of this world
not from my father
not from my mother
not from my brother, my sister, or anyone
not even from myself
Because like it or not, the judgment is me

It's soaked into my veins
Like an obsession, an addiction
I wish I could pray it away,
But I don't have any faith
There is no God to save my soul
To give me pity
To take my sins away

There is only scrutiny over my every move
Whether it comes from within or someone else
It's not something I can wash away with a prayer

People whisper about my decisions.
They act like their input is valid.
But at the end of the day...
it comes down to what my heart wants to follow.
Him.
Her.
Myself.
Look in the mirror...
start with you.

When my inner self and my outer self disagree
I tend to let my inner self free
I will not be repressed by society.

I am labeled straight forward
abrasive
Some say it with respect and admiration
Others, like I have a disorder

They can call me abrasive
I'm prepared for it to continue
until my inner self fully replaces
judgement with Love

I am determined to seek empathy
I will continue to let my inner self free
I will not be repressed by society.

I have a long way to go
but, I trust me.

Have I made the best decisions
Have I done all I could
Have I used the judgement that I have
And used it all for good?

Regret
Consumed my thoughts
Swallowed my soul
Ate away at my sanity
Unable to stop this cycle
Of negativity

I should have passed
Less judgement
I should have been
More understanding
I should have cherished
Every moment we shared

Worried that I have lost my chance
Will I ever make you laugh again?
Will we ever make new memories?
I should have told you I love you
When I had the chance
To hear it back

Insecurities chew me down like I chew my nails when insecurities chew me down.

I cry.
I won't lie.
I won't hide.
I won't justify.

It's my life.
I can be sad when I want to;
Mad when I want to;
Glad when I want to -
Be.
I'm expressing myself,
You'll see only what you want to see,
Believe only what you choose,
View it from your own perspective.

Put yourself in my shoes;
Just for a minute.
Can you fill them?
No!
So don't judge me as if;
You would react better;
To all the circumstances;
If you were me.
I'm tougher than you could ever dream to be;
So look away and don't give any judgemental words to me.

Evil empires, controlled by banks;
Committee mandates enforced with tanks,
Sociopaths on the Left and the Right
Prepare for your own eternal night . . .