I glanced at the station from an unclear window,
people oblivious to my existence coming by,
some with full of joy and fantasies,
others with hellos and goodbyes.

While sensing being the only introvert
with my 90's desolated playlist,
she came towards me, with a west to east smile,
settling, asked me to help out with her load.

I bobbed, and,
The earth started to rip away,
I feel the winds of change blowing in my face

"Pause"
You sit right there, sneaking in the corner
The black sheep, introvert child.

You are like my coffee, not too dark not too light
But enough to wake me up from my sombre sleep at night.

I see your ignorant friends, the stop and play
They aren't bad, just busy keeping people astray.

You are a misfit, but you fit perfectly in my life
Ironic, you seem to be the corner of the vicious circle of time.

Let's meet there again, where we first met
You get the lines and the triangle, I'll get my mess alright.

Inside a forest of my own making
where the vines are merciless and though dreams may die the evergreen awakens

I must be patient,
and follow the voice at my core

through these arches, roots, through the self-made distrust
that manifests as branches sharp enough to divide me
so I’m on guard like a sentinel

You think you’ve been starved of serenity
well I have a Chimera’s hunger and a sage’s mind

a lethal combination
and I'm killing more than time
I’m after my former self
since I need a rebirth and some revenge
because that man wasted centuries caught in vicious cycles

when the key to escape was right there between two temples.

he said he loved me first
and
right from the beginning
i wasn't sure
i felt trapped
and then
then i felt the obligation
to reciprocate

guilt
and the need to appease

how could i
in all good conscience
not love someone
who loved
me?

so i tried
i smiled
and looked inside of myself
for that longing
that he so often
showed me

and i admit
there was a short period of time
that i managed to convince myself
that i too
was in love

perhaps i fed off of that feeling
of being wanted so much
that it felt like love

you know
when you confuse being thirsty
for being hungry
or food
for comfort

turns out i wasn't either hungry
or in need of comfort

i was in desperate want
of solitude

and here we are
wednesday 3rd of October 2018
and at 9:11 am
he boarded a coach
to the airport
so he can fly home

and i am again
single
free

he is a good man
but he is not for me
i like him
with all of my heart

he has understood every word i said
and smiled

saying go
be free

we will remain friends
like in the beginning
before he told me
he loved me

Dear you,
I want you to come closer
Although I try to push you away
I am awkward
And the awkwardness only keeps growing

The more I have, the more you loose
But the more you have, the more I get
The equation is complicated
I don’t expect you to understand
After all
You never understood me either.

I am there
Beside you and behind you
All you have to do is turn
turn stealthily enough
So I don’t have time to run
I told you
I am awkward
And the awkwardness only grows

I slouch, I *******, I squeak
just like your bedroom door I creak
unopened for centuries
Unheard for decades
Unseen for years
Not because I’m weak but because
I am awkward
And the awkwardness only grows

i live in a pineapple under the sea
or you could say I hide
Hide from you, hide from me
Hide from the rest of the  reality
but I am always there
I always will
For I have to be

Don’t acknowledge me
Validation is not my need
But don’t forget me either
For I have this hidden greed

Never leave your own side
I need to follow
Never  leave my side either
But know
To me,
Ignorance is a bliss
For I am awkward
And the awkwardness only grows

The night
time
strikes
true at
the right time,
as I stay inside
for the
evening

my window is open,
and my door is shut tight
when
primetime arrives
as the clock
hand
lands on the dime
and comfort lands
on my mind

what better feeling is there than,
a night spent inside,
with a warm cup
of coffee, and a
seeping book to go with it

as the coffee comes out sip,
by sip, the book pours uncontrollably
with the words flooding my mind and
eventually my room
as it
takes me by force and
drowns me, filling my
lungs, and my soul

my soul strengthens
and my lungs breathe
better as they are consumed
by the words pouring in

words from books,
and my own words are all around me
as I sink deeper and deeper
into the wash of imagination
and slowly start
to
dread the  morning to come
when I am pulled out of the
water and the
words evaporate
from my soul
and from my lungs
and the air feels bitter again.

We ask people that everyday
How have you been ?
I never know what to say
Should I say how I'm actually feeling
I don't think you're prepared
For what I'm concealing
When I say I'm fine I'm not
When I say I had a good week
I'm not mentioning all the demons I fought
Sometimes I admit I'm struggling
People tell me choose joy! Live with less stress
You have to much your juggling
I almost start to cry
They don't get it
Its not that easy, I try
But its as if my joy is on the other side
of the window i can't quite open
I scratch, hit, and pull but it wont slide
All I feel is the ice cold from the glass
I just needed you to listen
Don't try to blow smoke up my ***
If I'm less busy i have more time
For my mind to wonder
For me to fall in a dark hole, I cant climb
I guess the only way for this to be fixed
Is to say I'm good
and lie through my lips
How are you?
I'm fine.