The night
time
strikes
true at
the right time,
as I stay inside
for the
evening

my window is open,
and my door is shut tight
when
primetime arrives
as the clock
hand
lands on the dime
and comfort lands
on my mind

what better feeling is there than,
a night spent inside,
with a warm cup
of coffee, and a
seeping book to go with it

as the coffee comes out sip,
by sip, the book pours uncontrollably
with the words flooding my mind and
eventually my room
as it
takes me by force and
drowns me, filling my
lungs, and my soul

my soul strengthens
and my lungs breathe
better as they are consumed
by the words pouring in

words from books,
and my own words are all around me
as I sink deeper and deeper
into the wash of imagination
and slowly start
to
dread the  morning to come
when I am pulled out of the
water and the
words evaporate
from my soul
and from my lungs
and the air feels bitter again.

We ask people that everyday
How have you been ?
I never know what to say
Should I say how I'm actually feeling
I don't think you're prepared
For what I'm concealing
When I say I'm fine I'm not
When I say I had a good week
I'm not mentioning all the demons I fought
Sometimes I admit I'm struggling
People tell me choose joy! Live with less stress
You have to much your juggling
I almost start to cry
They don't get it
Its not that easy, I try
But its as if my joy is on the other side
of the window i can't quite open
I scratch, hit, and pull but it wont slide
All I feel is the ice cold from the glass
I just needed you to listen
Don't try to blow smoke up my ***
If I'm less busy i have more time
For my mind to wonder
For me to fall in a dark hole, I cant climb
I guess the only way for this to be fixed
Is to say I'm good
and lie through my lips
How are you?
I'm fine.

I have finally come to the conclusion,
that I do not love myself.
that I don't love the way i smile,
or talk,
or laugh.

I hate that I am quite,
that I'm introverted and
would rather prefer to spend my days alone,
rather than surrounded by people.

I'm trying to improve how I view myself,
however, how do you change your perspective
when you have been living it for years?

If I knew, maybe I’d say something,
Why I miss my cats more than my parents
Why I miss the teal walls of my room and the full sized bed
more than I miss my family.
Why I miss the green trees and ravine behind my house,
all I hear is a withering beeping outside my five story window.

This room is so small
and I have to bear it with another
and although she and I get along,
Alone is weighted with wondering when she’ll be back.

Home is more an empty house than a room full of family.
Home is less talk and more birdsong in the background.
Home is…

Not these tight corners and partying bellowing music down in room 809,
not the concrete walls painted white, or the lofted beds I can’t sit up straight.

Getting away from my family was easy,
and my friends hard.
Leaving was easy.
And wishing hard.

I feel, less independent,
there’s only so many places to walk.
No car to escape, nor a room either.

The closest I get is headphones and online friends.
And yet they are so far away.

Crowded places; happy faces
Greeted a person with such ablaze
Offering radiance which resonated the sun
Defying his sense out of phase

But deep within, his soul conjured
A sense of loneliness emanated from his heart
From a mask he wore in fervent solitude
Trying to dig his oldest scar

From there he felt what he once endured
Faltering, as he ventured out
Scorched deep into his core
Old feelings trying to break out

the peace is erupted,
as my fellow oak friend,
swings to welcome many.
burden of warmth and joy,
all over my self, and face.

particularly my face,

                a down face—
     a falling down face—
                    a dead face—
         a far too dead face

still meets those fine rays.
yet no makeover,
left in one fine daze,
rife with all new face:
        
     a faced far worse face—
       a face none more face—
         a wished no war face—
a closed the door face.

all to erase, what face.

so, bring back the peace: NO delays.

so, put me to peace: NO more face.