he said he loved me first
and
right from the beginning
i wasn't sure
i felt trapped
and then
then i felt the obligation
to reciprocate

guilt
and the need to appease

how could i
in all good conscience
not love someone
who loved
me?

so i tried
i smiled
and looked inside of myself
for that longing
that he so often
showed me

and i admit
there was a short period of time
that i managed to convince myself
that i too
was in love

perhaps i fed off of that feeling
of being wanted so much
that it felt like love

you know
when you confuse being thirsty
for being hungry
or food
for comfort

turns out i wasn't either hungry
or in need of comfort

i was in desperate want
of solitude

and here we are
wednesday 3rd of October 2018
and at 9:11 am
he boarded a coach
to the airport
so he can fly home

and i am again
single
free

he is a good man
but he is not for me
i like him
with all of my heart

he has understood every word i said
and smiled

saying go
be free

we will remain friends
like in the beginning
before he told me
he loved me