Remove my hands from my throat
Let me escape the white inevitable screen
Red upon blue wires strangles me
Everyone else is already dead
The white light ate them
Split and obsessed with confirmation
Impatient to get recognized
Indistinguishable personalities judged by each other
Because a heart per day keeps the Reaper away
And hungry they wander the masses
Brainless and forever starving
Dissolving in their own expectations
Layer upon layer they change, though, never evolve
Eternally forgotten in themselves

Who are they?
Everyone alike
Who am I?
I fear; everyone alike

Looking at
her photos
on the internet
captioned as
"Finally an explorer"
I also became
An Internet Explorer.

©Rpan

wake up at six 6am.
grab my phone.
check my feed.

you are always
there.
first post.
always wearing
your beautiful
smile.

maybe the algorithm
realized how
i stare at our photos,
some nights
before sleeping.

maybe he
makes the sum
of our unsaid words
and multiplies it
by those nights
i fell asleep in
your chest.

maybe he
never heard
our fights.
the shouting,
the crying.
or maybe he did
but just choose
to keep them
out of the equation.

maybe he
knows
you are still
the first person
i think of
when i wake.

i scratch my eyes
and keep scrolling.

Back when,
My converse were brand new,
I had starry nights,
With you,
Back when,
Holding hands,
Wasn't taboo.
I long to go,
Back with you

I fell in love with you
Oh have I ever got stumbled this bad
You had and still have the key to my fortress
I am so afraid to change the lock
Cause you might wanna come home
Or thought that the sun burns too hot outside
Or maybe because I simply want you to come back
I want you
Only you
That one particular man;
Who pushed my walls with your tenderness
Quietly holding my heart without touching my skin
Whom I choose to let in and now
—I cannot let go
When you decided you hated every pictures I put up on my wall of history
—I cannot hate you
Even after you walked over the crown I'm wearing
And what's worst is, you spit on my face, yet I still wake up every day—choose to fall in love with you even more
I wish I could stop
I wish I could fast forward the time
To that moment when your name won't feel like a blade coming out of my throat
Or when I can rest at night without recalling how you always, always told me to be in my most comfortable position inside your hug before we sleep
I said I was done
Done for what? I'm walking away from you but keep finding myself going round and round you as my heart calling your name like echoes
We do know there are two sides of every story as they said
You hurt me, I hurt you
How we both think we got bruised a little more than another
Was it true? Does it even matter anymore who hurts who when we both are hurting?
Doesn't pain is in accordance with love?
We got hurt cause we love
We love
You loved me
And I loved you
I loved you then
I love you still
This is too much. Falling in love at this age is too much for me to handle cause my brain already picture how forever looks like when my last name changed into yours
I was off guard when you stood there in front of me. You were never on my plan. I surely didn't know I am able to love like this again. To experience this kind of love;
The kind that makes me think of nothing as long as it's you. The love I avoid to have cause I'm always scared of losing. The love that makes me laugh and cry in one single line you speak. The 'I just want to be a koala and you're the tree' kind of love. The love that makes me willing to do crazy **** above my pride cause you’re so much more worth it. The love that changed my insides like someone just explode a grenade in it. The love that makes me see the poetry written all over your tattooed skin as I voice them out through my writing. The love I love deeper than love have allowed to love. I found in you
And I lost it
When I lost you.

Today, we marched, or rather, I watched him,
my friend, next to me dream. Of what futures, I'm not
quite aware. Some orange man has overtook
the american government everyone in their right mind
and heart
cried,
and a square in Boston was filled with lively
dreamers
with placards and gleaming eyes and faces
that said no! not again! A few toddlers
sauntered around the feet of their parents
saying and shouting and muttering and playing
with words and slogans they don't understand
yet in their minds,
maybe their hearts,
in them they know. Next to me my friend grabbed
an abandoned placard and I felt lost. I only
came to watch how the words of the orange man
came alight. I was afraid we would catch flame.
A grey-haired woman had earlier skipped across
the crowd in front of us to show us a different route and
told us useful things- we were fresh I had explained-
and we carefully avoided police but there weren't many.
It was cold. Not the orange man. Somehow we
met my friend's friends and we started a chant
in the crowd below us, perched atop a crumbling
history of a church. Pictures were taken. Instagram.
We dabbed to the beat of Hindu chanting and tambourines.
Muslims prayed towards Mecca beneath Christian statues.
Amazed. I felt a certain emptiness.
Then my friend joked,
'I'll make a social justice warrior out of you too!'
Why am I not angry? The orange man is wrong.
A fool, a jester. Yet our testicles are in his hands.
Sometimes, rarely, I feel a meager sad frightening pressure
between my legs. Some have already been castrated
in confused airports. Accidents of birth have left them
stranded in a great barren womb of this world. What
is a state? A foreign policy? Man? Woman? Child?
How much time do I have left to ***? On whose
face can I do it on? Is the orange man aiming for
mine? Ours? The veiled woman? Is the immigration
counter camera pornographic? What awkward things
to do with one's time. One's body. One's mind.
One's heart.
I am ashamed.
Instead of working, I am thinking. I am lazy.
I spend scholarship money in restaurants
away from the college dining hall so that the noise
around me will be something I cannot recognize.
Still both are the same bubbles of safety. Different
stages of cocooning is all. I am a caterpillar surrounded
by butterflies eating steak and salmon. I am ugly. So ugly.
Nothing beautiful at all.

Welcome to the nation of instant gratification

Like me everywhere
it doesn't matter your location

Love me for me
and I will be very gracious

Share all of my photos
And soon you'll become famous

5...4...3...2...1....spontaneous detonation

You will give me attention
Our else I will ******* take it

I want everything
I have no ******* patience

I look great You don't
It's time to just ******* face it

The reality is
this person Is just a patient

Psychologically there mental has just been wasted

This Phenomenon is marketing in the making

7 pounds in 7 days is that product worth taking?

20 dollars for 20 mins of readings
in some basement  

Your future can be foreseen
as long as you pay the fee

Here is crystal ball,
grab a chair and take a set

Exhaustion from ****** job equals heavy and tired feet

Anything that I say will surely put you at ease

Because instant gratification is my tool and marketing sheet

If I say you will be rich In the next following weeks

You will instantly believe
Due to the fact that you had a ****** week

Your worries become obsolete,
in this current state of mind

they swindled you for your money and also for you time

Instant gratification
I thank you for reading mine

I have never seen such a blue sky
on the rooftop after a long shower outside
Drinking hot chamomile tea

I am happy
In a new top
the color of the trees that surround the cottage
I pity any being who isn't me at this very moment

Though hold on...
My chamomile tea has been polluted
with vinegar
I try to accept the new taste
find pleasure in it
but the vinegar comes back to snap the back of my tongue

This moment has been altered
and the neighbors don't know how to use their quiet voices
my phone is dying
and I spent the majority of my time up here trying to get the perfect picture for Instagram