Not in some tower, somewhere
locked tight is she, but here
under blood and bone.

She rages like ocean tides
on the chiseled edges of me
that poorly attempt to contain her.

Be still, I plead
I’m trying to be logical,
yet still she storms.

It’s candid to say that
even I am afraid
her force will conquer me.

May I kiss your on your smile?
May I discover freckle constellations on your face?
May I put my little finger in your dimple?
May I push my palms against yours?
May I talk futures, stars, universes, galaxies with you?

May I lay my head on your chest?
May I tap out your heartbeat on your arm?
May I remind you that you are flesh and hot blooded?

May I love you?

I will be cuddling inside your pillow chest
Smooching your strawberry hair
Endlessly biting your lower lips to annoy you
Laughing at your gestures and unfunny jokes
Resting my fingers atop yours like braid
Enjoying the love song of your heartbeat
Breathing your absurd laugh
Watching the stillness of your sleep and
Opening my eyes to see the sun rising on your cheek
All of the above are the opposite of  my reality
All of the above are what we were once upon a time
But
There's one thing left that's not the opposite
I am still extremely ridiculously inevitably
deeply honestly and completely
in love with you

Ulala
Those bright green eyes
ridiculously
fit the yellow sunlight
when the sky stopped raining

i told him “don’t look at me,
there’s nothing to look at.”
he went on about how beauty
can’t just be skipped over
& how i had his head spinning
like after a heavy night of drinking,
like he’s experiencing a hangover.

i told him “don’t touch me,
i know you’ll eventually leave me
& leave my body shaking from withdrawals…
shaking…
aching… to feel your touch again.”

i told him “don’t kiss me,
i don’t wanna get lost in your lips
& when our lips part, i’d probably have fallen in love .
i’ll probably stay awake in bed,
day dreaming of you… of us.”

i told him “don’t make love to me.
not even if i’m in the heat of the moment & i beg you to mount me
and enter my sweet sanctuary.
not even if i plead.”

i told him “don’t love me. leave me,
because you all leave eventually.
i don’t want your sweet nothings.
i don’t want your empty promises,
i don’t want your i-love-yous,
neither do i want to buy the dreams
you’ll so skillfully sell to me.
you’ll love me, i’ll love you back.
somehow i’ll end up loving more
& that’s a ****** fact.
somewhere between the first ‘i love you’ and the silence before it ends
will be me trying to make amends.”

i told him “don’t bother, just leave now.”
because that’s what they all do.
they love you,
& then
they leave you…

It's like my body's going supernova.
Every abstract nano millimeter of my being is imploding on itself and exploding into this humid atmosphere - I become slivers of glass on an insignificant Saturday.
My eyes are shattered like marbles -
My fingers scattered like wine glass stems -
I am a shifting, silver star gone supernova -
In the midst of constellations spelling out your name -
There is a vacuum inside me -
My flesh collapses in on itself like aluminum -
I am incandescent like a lightbulb.
There is a bomb inside me -
And the timers gone off -
I spread like a grenade -
Every part of me becomes part of something else.
I am growing from a wasteland -
And dying from the waste -
This encompassing medicine grows within me out of barren soil.
I am a fire -
Golden plasma coins -
This poisonous currency -
I will pay for it all, for it all.
This fire burns branches -
Becomes ashes -
I inhale this dead earth and my lungs are joyous at this fire you've built me from cardboard boxes.

I love you so deeply - I am being broken and repaired all at once.
I feel so full of something I cannot fully understand - I have exploded.
There will never be enough of your lips
Your smiles
Your eyes
Your voice
Your words
Your skin
Your face
Your fingers
Your chest
Your stomach
Your shoulders
Your legs
Your feet
Your kissing
Your voice . . .

If I were walking through an airport toward you, I would not be walking for long.

How many ways can I express my love for you?
You are sunset on my loneliness -
The medicine for my insomnia -
The balm for my aching heart -
And yet my heart has never ached more.

I cannot put my love for you into words - I am without words.
God has finally stumped me -
"Make her fall in love" he said -
"And watch her try to write that".