Soon it's past midnight
You put your arm around my waist
And i put mine on your chest

We talk about alot of things that night
You tell me about how did you get all the bruises on your knees and all
And i'll then fall asleep in your arm
as i found joy listening to your sleepy voice

Your place your warm hand on my cheek
And I heard you said
"Im the luckiest ever"

I caught myself smiling too.

I pretend as if im okay, as if my life was full of daisies and butterflies, as if it was clear blue sunny skies with birds chirping and peaceful sounds of water falls. As i pretend to be okay or content - it still runs in my mind - you; the girl who changed my life for the better, the girl who i wouldnt change a **** thing about. Its been about a month now since we broke up but still seeing you and doing all the things we still do is killing me - i met someone new who made me forget about you for a moment - but she said "it was more guilt than lust" That was fun and happy but then it ended & i ended up coming back to - you. As if youre happy with your boyfriend i still continue to wait on my chance again - i get my hopes so high. The chance of meeting someone new sickens me. What if they left me for someone else again? What if they arent really about it? As i pretend not wanting anyone else for the better sickens me too. Im stuck between lust and in love all over again - someone can catch my attention quick & id give them my mind - my feelings - my kiss *** kisses and hugs and etc. but i still pretend to be okay. I wanted to continue this fantasy i had with you - a life i wanted to build with you but youre happy with him.. As im utterly confused about another girl. I couldnt drop you for nothing, if i cant be apart of your life as friends while being or having a benefit with someone else - i couldn't do it. As i pretend to be okay - to see you so happy with him.. I still question why i held you back for so long .. I wish i was okay .. I wish i couldve taken a step further to make you happy.. I pretend so much..

Hey, cutie, it's been a while.
I listened, again, to those old voicemails you left.
I guess I'm still kinda in denial.
I just wish our secrets were better kept.
It's been six months since my tears flowed like the Nile.
Six months without you due to theft.
Of the secrets best held inside my heart,
this is by far the most important one:
I love you, Mark Schmidt. Even through this part.
This game being played can never be won,
for they think you didn't love me from the start.
But the truth is you always did through our the run
and the leap
and the fall
in too deep
to hear the call
of prayers before sleep
and I know through it all
I'll love you still.
I love you, Mark Schmidt.
I always will.
I knew since the day and still do, that piece you gave was the only one that could fit.

Do you think Mark is okay? I'm scared. He's all alone and he has no one there for him and to hold and tell him that he's going to be okay. I'm so scared, Sean. People who've gotten the chance to see him out say that he looks terrible and like a zombie. He has literally no one. I hate not being able to do anything...

I'm so sorry, Button. I know you're hurting but...I don't know how to help you. The situation is beyond both of your controls at this point. Just stay strong. If not for yourself, for him. What was the last thing he said to you?

"WHY IS SHE TALKING TO ME I DON'T UNDERSTAND???"

Okay....what was the last thing he SAID to you?

"I love you, Victoria."

Then have faith in that. Believe that he loves you.

But he doesn't.

He does.

You don't know that.

But I do. He loved you then and he loves you now. Don't give up on him. There's still a chance.

Okay..*

So what else happened today?
........................................................­

Carrie Lee could care less about coffee.
Her arms lay crossed as she gazed out the window at the busy street.
Carrie gave a sigh, '"So why did you choose to see me?"
Jeremy cleared his throat and fiddled his fingers in discomfort.
"I missed you, Carrie. You were too busy to chat when I was in Germany."
She glanced his way and blinked a few times.
"Did you also miss Tracy, Lisa, Katie...?"
He quickly grasped the tone of her voice and squirmed in his seat.
Carrie's throat clenched once the words left her mouth, she predicted he'd get up and leave.
"I told you, Louie set me up to run into them like that. You know I would never hurt you."
"One fish, two fish,red fish, blue fish one deceive, two deceive."
He was puzzled , gasping for air over his failed attempt to convince her of his intentions.
"Tracy barely spoke to me at school, Lisa made fun of me daily, and Katie-"
Carrie's voice was stern and sharp and she gracefully stood from her seat and cut him off.
"Can you say you only care about me, honestly?"
Jeremy stood up and held Carrie's arms to reassure that she wouldn't leave.
"Carrie, please: listen to me."
She whipped her body away from his grasp. Eyes stinging from the memories she tried to forget for all those months.
He chased after her, wiping away her tears that flow free.
In disappointment she mumbles, "I'm sorry Jeremy, I guess your son just has to grow up not knowing his father."
"Carrie..."
People were staring as she gracefully stormed her way out of the cafe. It was just like their breakup in high school all over again.
"It's Carrie now. Katie tomorrow. Stay strong girl, leave him be."
His hand clenched the space in his chest he could feel expanding as his eyes started to hail.
Despite the tears blinding his vision, he followed her once again. "Of all the people in the world my heart had to choose, it choose you, Carrie."
His persistence made her feet stop, heart clench and mind reel.
Tears streaming down his face to his neck and his rosary.
She spoke "If I had a choice, it would choose you too. Maybe another life."
And at that moment, amidst the busy streets of Canterbury
was the soft whisper of two lonely hearts,
pledging to one another in loyalty,
"I love you".

you don't love me
you're just lonely

miles and miles that run between us.

whilst I am crumbling and falling apart and you are dragging your body through hell we stumble upon each others echoed voices
in the dark
the whispers make the stars light up above me and slowly guide me to you
and I paint pictures of you in my head wrapped in my arms with the pale moon reflecting in your eyes.
these miles are slowly shrinking and closing between us, this feeling shattering through my body like I'd pulled a trigger on a gun

all of the miles between us close in, until there are none.