now that you were gone
you were the only ghost
that i want to haunt me
forever and ever
for Lola, now my angel
So far, it was the longest days I’ve stayed (home) since you were gone. I guess I have to get used to you being ‘gone’. And when I say “gone” it’s not just being physically absent. It’s not just some word for the emptiness. It’s not just the vacuum.
‘Gone’ is the untouched lipstick, not knowing it can’t never be used again. ‘Gone’ is the pair of slippers under your bed, I wonder when was the last time you wore them. ‘Gone’ is realising your armchair is vacant. ‘Gone’ is the unfinished skirt you were trying to sew. ‘Gone’ is the deck of cards left on your cupboard, nobody won’t ever play them again. ‘Gone’ are the half empty medicine containers. ‘Gone’ is the space beside my bed.
When we lose someone we scan our mind and heart. We search for memories, those striking and meaningful. We ache for that sentimental and big memories that we often overlooked the simple moments in between. As I stay here in “our” bed, I wish so much that I could just watch you as you play solitaire or as you take your medicines- such ordinary things that I took for granted but would kill to experience one more time when it’s all over.
Look at it, there should be no understated days. Seize each moment with your love ones, those tiny little moments are what stitches together our very existence. Appreciate each moment before it becomes a memory. Embrace them, squeeze them tight in your heart because one day, unknown to you, it will be the last time you’ll ever experience them.
Oh, how I would defy everything just to hug you one more time. Until we meet again xx
words on write up inspired by some fb post which i read long ago, can’t remember where i saw it.