The world is a wall
And bricks are tumbling outwards
Putting your hand on the right one
Will save you.

It's one of those days
I can't make sense of my thoughts
and quite frankly
it's ******* me off.
I don't even know
what I want anymore.
I say one thing
and do another
And I know
it makes no sense
but I can't help
my senselessness.
I'm drowning in my indecision
and my desire for difference.
And really
I feel defeated.

But I swear will not be.

I've been feeling things I don't know how to describe
I'm not sure when it happened
I feel like I'm born again, and everything is new and nothing has meaning

I'm no longer afraid of life after death
But he stands in my way

I kept on thinking about how everything felt like nothing except when I touched him
I couldn't say what I had done the day before but I could tell you in detail how his skin felt, what side of his face pulled his smile, and which hand he used to push back his hair.

When I cry he tells me he understands, but when he cries I know he doesn't
He says he believes he was meant to find me but I told him I don't believe in that
What does he know?

My burning desire to kiss her golden lips
is easily satisfied
But my sinful urge to keep my eyes closed
leaves my indecision amplified

a disagreement
      between my bones and my logic
      my body and my mind
      torn between a choice
      and choosing --
      ****** if i do, ****** if i don't.
      my bones
and
      my logic
and
      my heart
at war,
      destroying this vessel, but
can't we all just get along?

My thoughts are in a state of anarchy
And they crash into your words.
And remember.
And forget.
And do not know what's worse.

Remembering is bitter sweet-
Never to be, always been.
To forget is to cut out all the words
etched into my skin.

And I fall into this silence,
Indecision is my curse.
I remember.
And forget.
And do not know what's worse.

I dig deep
For some hidden hope
To find the strength I've always had
When I was up against the ropes

Because that’s exactly where I’ll be
As I'm running away
To the only dream
That’s kept me mentally sane

I'm finding an escape
From the people around me
And the day to day life
That creates my boundary

I’ll find a place
Where I can hear my own voice
And it won’t be distorted
By the societal noise

I’ll climb each step
Ignoring the blood on my hands
And distance myself
From that which fears what it can’t understand

And now that I'm here
I’ll find what sets me apart
From a white picket fence
And a little green yard

The American dream
Might be a safe aspiration
But what does it become
When it drowns the dreams of its nation?

So I’ll escape into the truth
And leave my chains behind
So they can see what it means
To be truly alive

I’ll sit on a hilltop
And watch the lives they all lead
Working jobs they hate
to buy **** they don’t need

being ordinary
is the addiction they feed
as they smile coldly
and say **** they don’t mean

one morning they’ll wake up
and see the hole in their chest
and realize they made up
all this nonsense

but they’re not bad people
they just never learn
cause on their way to the top
they’d watch the world burn

and instead of trying to extinguish
these self-mutilating fires
they’ll turn their heads
to their frivolous desires

but I’m still searching
for the bigger picture
because maybe if I find it
I can hang it on my refrigerator

So I wont forget
Because I need to remember
As my story settles down
Into the pages of forever

But all I feel
Is my judgment slip away
As black and white
Fade into shades of gray

And all I feel
Is the hypocrisy settle in
As I see myself
Committing the same sins

So I’ll resign to the life
Of a numbing vaccine
And continue trying
to put out my fire with gasoline

I’d positioned myself
Away from it all
But now prepared
For the inevitable fall

My knees start to tremble
My skin feels colder
as the weight of the world
bears down on my shoulders

my front foot slips
and the back one slides
and I fall into the hole
I dug with my pride

and all I see
is the faces I left behind
and suddenly that hope I’m looking for
........
is much harder to find…

My mind and heart
Locked in violent war
My heart beats of rebellion,
Of liberation
My mind holding to its corruption

Year after year the war has raged
My heart backed by the Devine
My mind a tyrant
Backed by a traitor
A master of lies

And I know
That when the endgame comes
My heart shall take the day
But as of now
Its trenches are deep

To war

How can we be so different?
My hand fits in yours with hardly any indecision.