I always wondered,
why I walked behind,
ever since we met this new person,
I never walked beside.

Years have passed,
and I'm still here,
when I try to find you,
you'll try to avoid me.

Seeing you with your friends,
just makes me want to cry,
finding no purpose,
I don't want to be mortified.

As we walk along the corridor,
I meet you along the way,
I raise my hand to greet you,
But you don't return the same.

I remember when we used to talk,
you talked like you cared,
But now that I don't meet you,
I feel like I'm just dead.

the busy streets of new york city
never brought a ring to my ear
i silently ordered a tea
with milk and no sugars
by pointing to it on the menu
the phone never rang
and the only conversation i had
was with myself
a loud mind and soul
mixed with a voice box
but no voice

nobody knows of thunder
but the threat of lightning
we didn't fall in awe of the sky
or talk loudly over pouring rain
our voices felt lonely
isolated in this atmosphere
white paper stayed blank
and i know i wanted to write
but i could not hear my thoughts
over the silence that loomed overhead

a world filled with noise
and expression and love
will never win in the fight
against silence
for ultimately it is in silence
that we blossom and make sound

Like qualified pilots who have lost control of their aircraft.
My strength and confidence is has been drained,
I have non no more.

Like the aircraft falling apart in mid-air.
I feel my self shatter,  
I can feel that am breaking,
I know that i have been splintered
And only love can stir me back into position.

With every piece of debri falling from the sky,
And into the middle of nowhere but the hospitality or open seas.
I am lost, deep in the depths of lonliness.
Sinking fast into the scary world of heartbreaks.

Falling so quick it cannot be stopped the last crush of the rest of the aircraft has been captured by the creatures of the sea and no other witness.
Sudden silence and then whispering waves hidding all the evidence,

I keep faking my smile everyday,
Being welcomed by a pool of tears every night.
The only witness present is my sobbered pillow.

Yet like air controllers,  
Those who care seem to wonder
"What on earth has happened to her sparkle?"
"The most inticing eyes have been powdered with grey"
"Where has she lost her zeal,
Her love for nature is gone,
What happened to all the inspirations that made her write?"
And at the back of my mind i wish somebody would get the answers.

All the answers can only be found by the search rescures,
Maybe somebody out there knows i need help, 
Somebody willing to get all the answers,  i guess...

Somehow i know,
That my heart like a black box lies,  
In the deepest ends of the sea bed.
Unless some one comes and opens it,
I will never really know is wrong with me.

It's always you.
Your feelings,
Your heart,
Your mind.

Not me,
Or my sanity,
Or my peace.
Never me.

Always your happiness,
And your pains,
And you telling me
About how I'm wrong again.

And it's always you
That's right,
That's on the chopping block,
Not me.

It's never me,
That's hurting,
That's crying
While you're talking
About yourself,
Your needs,
On the other side.

It's never about me.

If it isn't popular, if it doesn't speak from some
Religious text, many men will ignore it.
There is nothing worse than not being Christian or being gay,
I'm hated, I'm ridiculed, I'm forgotten, I have no friends.
All the world knows this is the same at all ends.
If you aren't Christian, they act like you have AIDS.
In secret they avoid you. Some Christians are the worst haters,
They always point out how "sinners" are supposedly haters,
It does say in the Bible to avoid those who are non
Believers when it comes to being close friends or on
Any level other than business. I can see how Christianity
Breeds hatred if you must witch hunt others in the process.

You have time to change your profile picture, but not to read my messages... You find time to be with them and do this and that, but where am I at in the picture? Could you even point me out? You've spoken love to me as if it were something that could be, something that could eventually... but when? When will I become a priority? And why is it that the thought of you more and more often just makes me want to cry? I'm tired of hiding, tired of this mirage, it's been a facade all along hasn't it?! Cause this is how you get attention. This is how, you've always gotten along, to obtain what you wanted. Yet, If I'm to confront you over the situation, and how you make me feel, then I'm the one in the wrong. *******, I'm so done. If anyone deserves to bring this energy out of me, they could at least bear witness to the spectacle... lest the show be all for naught and I'm left rotting inside, like the fermented fruit on the ground. There's nothing worse than being ignored. To be gored by your words would be preferable to the silent cold I've been enduring since you decided I wasn't ******* worth it. Well I know my worth God ******* ******, and I won't sell for less than the time it takes to change your god forsaken profile picture.

I was there.
Every time you need me, I was there.
When your world seems to fall down, I was there.
When you need a shoulder to cry on, I was there.
When you lost your sense of control, I was there.
When you got nothing left to do, I was there.

I was always there for you.
But just like Thinkerbell who always with Peter pan,
Still, he chose Wendy.

And you chose her.