Does it matter more to you that you care for others or that others care for you?
Would you take a series of bullets
Would you leap before a dashing car
Would you dance on sweltering embers for the sake of one who does you nought in return?
Wouldn’t most or wouldn’t anyone endure the worst for acknowledgement and commendation…

I try to be gallant—self-sacrificial,
Try to be benevolent, bleeding heart beyond comprehension
Yet am I worse than the slaughterers?
The iniquitous, the rest?
No more than the vile, reprobate, devilish…
For who, after all,
Cast oneself beyond forgiveness
The felon who would exploit acts of selflessness
To assemble his own
Maleficent, pernicious lair
Of praise, acclaim, and comfort.

I don't care any more
This is to much for my head
You both say you love me
You both say you care
I believed it all
But I'm sick of hearing *******
Stop telling me lies
Stop pretending you like the real me
I'm not ******* perfect
I never wanna be
So if you don't like it
Then leave me be
I'll vanish forever
If that's what you want
You're both breaking my heart
Talking about all this stuff

I wanted to be the one who saved him
And maybe that’s the saddest part,
That I wanted to save him
But failed.
I kept trying, but I never could

And I know that’s kind of horrible,
That I didn’t want him to be himself.
I wanted him to be someone else

Someone he wasn’t
And never would be
And never could be
Even if he tried

I wanted him
But I also wanted someone else
So I tried to make him be both

But of course I failed
Because each of us
Has only one life to live

So if someday
He becomes someone he’s not
I will know

And I will hate it
Because now I realize how beautiful
His own self really is

And I would never wish him to be someone else
Not now
Not anymore

Because I am me
And he is he
And that’s all we’ll ever be

And knowing that is a strange sort of beautiful
That not even the best writer could put into words.

m.c.c.