the most painful experiences in life
hurt because the universe
is using all it’s power to redirect you
on to the right path

I'm still a hopeless
romantic but you give me
the hope I long for

11:58 AM
17/4/20

I’ve never sat so close to a flame
and felt less heat than its shadow implies
I’ve never felt such fullness in emptiness
I didn’t need a new scar to help me realize

You are a mirage
an oasis bleeding crystal clear water
sparkling in the distance of my desert
but I see you disappear

Cut too close and I watch you vanish
Pacing back and forth to try to find the line
Where do you go?
All I know is that you do.

There is a heart
beating in my chest
singing louder than Pavarotti
soaring with the high notes
There is a heart
beating in my chest
young as the day I was born
I see my young face smiling
a glow of childlike innocence
The child within my soul
lives on in every heartbeat
waiting for me to open the cage
let him free once more
There is a heart
beating in my chest
ready to set the world alight
I hope to meet him again
One day

Part I
Oh, Alexandria
Your historic halls line our imaginations
The Muses themselves blessed each and every one of your books
You were the mother of knowledge, who took in all and shared your wisdom
New ideas were formed under your roof, older ones translated and kept alive
Your downfall didn’t come in one catastrophic fire, no
It started before and after, a slow and painful death
It was the death of knowledge itself
Where military might and politics take over
Where hate for the different is sparked
And all that is considered sacred and important for humanity’s health
All that keeps us alive
Is pushed aside
And we fall
That is the death of Alexandria
That is the death of humanity

Part II
Death seems like an unmovable thing
Something which cannot leave or go to or change
This may be why we think of the scrolls of scholars and poets as only ash and smoke
As some greater that we will never reach again
But that’s not true
Because Alexandria’s death didn’t stop us
In her wake, we’ve continued to grow and create
To change and move and make in the face of death itself
We are resilient, we are stubborn, we are the fire that never goes out
That pulses in our veins and keeps us going
And we will continue to do so long after Alexandria is gone from our memory
This isn’t the end it’s just the beginning
That is her glory
That is our rebirth

What you said to me,
I promise I'll see you again,
Is a promise I hope you'll keep.

waking up with the morning sun

makeup still on from the night before

eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep

"it's too early for this" I mutter as I lay tangled in these raspberry colored sheets, tossing and turning hoping to shade myself from any glimmer of responsibility

but it doesn't work

mutual confusion

mutual pain

we've been here countless times before

I had work in the morning, and it was nearly 6am

it was too early in the morning

but we stayed up and talked instead of going to bed

Every exhale, a little bit of you leaves me.
Like poison leaving my body.
Every day, it gets a little easier to breathe again.
I don’t know how long I’ve spent holding my breath.
But I feel it.
I feel the air fill my lungs.
I feel myself learn how to breathe again.
To be me again.
At one point I thought you were the air.
It turns out you were the smoke that filled my lungs.

Hang onto your hope-
a sunflower in this gloomy world.
Remember the brightness
of past times.
Have a little faith,
that this too shall pass
as we plant the seeds
of more hope.

I'm an immigrant from foreign lands
Who made the trip crawling on my knees and hands
Who thought a change of scenery was all that was needed
Who for a better life turned to the skies and pleaded
And while searching for sanctuary with destain I was greeted
See, I think they believe I was fine where I was
Sure, outside of having to give my last quarter to get a pass
Outside of having to decide between food or the homie that's asking
*** the homie that's asking is the homie that's blasting
If you dare say no
On your way home, after a hard day's work, still have to pay the neighborhood rent tho
*** if you's broke you were the next one to go
As simple as tic-tac-toe
Except it's click-clack-pow
I seen the culprit, twas the kid from next door
Who now sleeps on the edge of death row
Guilty of a dozen of those
Danger travels in troves
In the place where they let go of their humanity
So I left
With the faded blue Jansport on my back
And a brand new fake passport in my back pocket
Leaving the world I called home behind
Facing Mexico hoping to cross it
I was 15 in a group of fifteen with a single shared dream
The Salvadorean dream team
Thinking we could escape this unfair hand
Wide-eyed we ventured in...
And then I saw, violence everywhere we went
The horrified masses didn't have to pretend
The fear inflicted by individuals with no chance to repent
But it's best of I digress and of my travels I shed light
We only moved at night
Daring to commit the horrendous crime of crossing an imaginary line
That changes with time
And for that we were persecuted
We were stopped, chased, and straight up looted
The Police or the Cartels it didn't matter who did it
To the females of the group when **** was commited
And between check points and abductions only 4 remained since the groups introduction
The faded Jansport had been stolen by a 16 year old with a machete
Who had promised to cut me up like confetti if I didn't hand it to him
So I did
Just like my innocence as a kid as well
And so I left
Traveling further north still
Looking at American soil from the hotel window sill
Hoping the nightmare would soon end
Hoping my psyche I can still mend
The four of us shared a hopeful glance
Stopped and shook each others hands and wished each other well
Said if we got lost we'd meet at the well
The one we had stopped at to rest for a spell
The plan couldn't be tested, however
Immigration came and shut down the whole endeavor
The only one who got out was me...
Forced to forever flee
Entrusted to see...what they couldn't see
And to be all they couldn't be