My head says
"Leave before the floor disappears
Before you wake up
With nothing but splinters
And a mouth full of questions
You already know the answer to"
My heart says
"Wait
He’s just tired
He’s just busy
He’s just trying to find the words"
Hasn’t he had enough time?
“I don’t know”
It’s a language you’ve
Decided to live in
While I’m translating
Myself into nothing
My spine folds in
My ribs start counting the days
Without you in them
I try to remember your voice
Without the hesitation
But all I hear is the pause before
“I don’t know”
I’m holding the door open for
Someone who can’t even
Look at the room
I’m swallowing glass
Calling it patience
And every piece cuts deeper
When I tell myself you’re worth it
My head says
"This isn’t love anymore
This is erosion
This is weathering yourself down
To fit a space that’s already empty"
My heart says
"No
Remember his hands
Remember the way he made the world Small enough to hold
Remember how you’d do it all again"
I think about next week
The way you’ll look at me
And say it again
And my chest will cave
And my eyes will sting
And maybe that’s the last time
Or maybe I’ll let it be another

"I don’t know"

"I don’t know"

"I don’t know"

And it’s killing me that
Neither do you

Her heart was awakening.
The bonds that held her were loosening, one by one.
Her mind was stretching, reaching back through time.
Her heart hungered again.
Hungered for life after death.
And from her ashes, she rose.
Emerging from her former self.
Rising out of the world, which sought to hold her beauty under glass.
She was breaking free from her own confines, no longer content to view the world from the safety of her fortress.  
Her passion for life burned brightly, lighting the way ahead, reignited from within.

-Rhia Clay

That moment when your strength gives out and God's strength begins.  
There are not enough words to describe that beauty.
There are not enough words to call it by name.
That moment when Jesus sits with you as you hold your pain in your hands,
and you give it to him,
because it's heavy.  
And you feel the love fill your heart so full you think surely your heart cannot contain it.
That's love.
That's the only name I can give it that feels right.

-Rhia Clay

I didn't hold you for long, though your love stained my soul like beautiful watercolors, forever coloring my mind.  

-Rhia Clay