They say it's better for your health
To always be kind
To go through the day at a steady pace
And regulate your emotions

They say slow and steady wins the race
But they're just going through the motions
Running into oceans...
Drinking deadly potions...

High highs and low lows
My life never flows, never slows, sometimes blows
I'll never know
I'll always care

Like the turtle and the hare
It never seemed quite fair
That the fastest of us fall behind

I wish it could all rewind

A perspective that sticks is hard to find

Half Batman half Robin,
Houston we have a problem,
and you don’t want no problem with me,
I’m off balanced and on one,

at the head of the table,
Delilah’s on a Sunday,
not willing but I am able,
I guess we’ve all gotta go one day,

but that day is not today,
or tonight got two lights,
one for the occasional cigarette,
and one that’s a Brunette that burns bright,

feeling cliche as fck but that’s okay because you know what,
we are at the top of the pyramid so it only makes sense we’re high,

hi I’m high,
how are you,
haven’t seen you in awhile might’ve been forever till now,
then you appear like a ghost at a haunting and say “Boo!”,

ooh,
the things you do your new name’s Obsession,
it’s ironic that you asked me to have a staring contest,
since I’d confessed that I was already staring,

had my eye on you as soon as you entered the room,
I was perched in my throne at the head of the table,
but I was thrown when you waltzed in like a Godsend,
my God you’re the stuff of fairytales and fables,

the only one I wanted to talk to,
to in that whole venue,
and we’re talking Delilah’s not a dive bar,
so you know there were some quality options from which to choose,

but we both knew it was a rap,
as soon as you read the poem I’d wrote on that napkin,
and yeah this is Hollywood,
so yeah sometimes that kind of magic still happens,

you gave me your number in front of your boyfriend,
and didn’t even care so I didn’t either,
because we’re True Lovers,
we’re The Proof that can turn any sceptic into a True Believer,

a combination of all things yet still totally unique,
and yeah we’ve got our issues but hey we’ve all got our problems,
so we come together like two phones tethered or better yet bare feet on a beach,
and then we get ghost and disappear outta the reach of their nonsense,

peace!

∆ Aaron LaLux ∆

October 8th, 2018
Hollywood, CA.

I see youth in a haze
Sunny afternoons from Mars
Been chasing stars

World still turns
Joints burn
I go back to sunny afternoons
Still in a haze
Now I chase the Moon

Everything that comes up eventually comes down.
That's normal, isn't it. But 
I want to feel weightless.
I want to feel free and float around,
Move around by my own means.
Gliding around trees
and
gazing at the sky.
Instead of crumpled in my bed.
And stuck in my head.

Dear  School,

I hope you’re doing well even though you made me absolutely hate myself and made me feel like if I didn’t get good grades that I wasn’t worth any of your time or attention. We’ve had so many memories together, none of which I want to relive, all of which reduce me to tears. My favourite part was when you’d ask me for my opinion and if my opinion wasn’t the same as yours then you best believe I’d either get shut down or punished.

When I first met you, you told me you’d love me with all your heart. You even talked to my parents and promised them that you wouldn’t disappoint. You sold yourself to my parents and they looked at you like you were worth exactly five hundred thousand bucks (not including all the “romantic” trips you made me pay for). The fact that you promised me more than you could afford should have been a warning signal but I couldn’t see past your charming demeanour. Our relationship was always ups and downs, but lately, it’s gotten a lot worse, and by lately I mean the past two years.

I gave you solutions but you ended up just giving me more problems. Our relationship was a lot of give and take, except the only thing you were giving me, was bad food and mental breakdowns. And the only thing you’d do that was remotely close to taking something from me was leaching off of my successes and money for your benefit.  

I would wander into your bathroom stalls on the verge of a panic attack, time and time again, and even if you noticed, you were really good at ignoring it. You got what you wanted because of my hard work, but I’m still the one who ended up getting more depressed. Isn’t it funny how I’m supposed to miss you, yet everyone that’s left you is so much happier without you? You never listened to my problems, you never cared about my mental health, and you never wanted anything good for me (and if you did, your actions never showed it), you were like the toxic boyfriend I never asked for.

You were so good at showing us off to the public which is probably why I still stayed with you, you put me in newspapers when I did well and your empty eyes danced with lies and a smile crept across your face when you met my parents. My parents loved you so much. My parents would praise you and I let them because how could I tell them that I hated you, that I didn’t want to be with you anymore when you deceived them with all your manipulative tricks. You weaved a web of deception and trapped more and more victims, but you were never satisfied you always wanted more.

I cried to my parents, one day, telling them that I couldn’t get myself out of bed to go to you again, that every minute I spent with you took a toll on my mental health. That I couldn’t be with you no matter how much I tried, but of course the blame came back on me. They would ask me how I couldn’t appreciate you when you took such good care of me. They asked me how I couldn’t appreciate you when you displayed my name across a wall, with numbers scribbled beside name as if I was a barcode number for a new product on the market. Before my parents could confront you, you had already called them and told them that you were concerned about me, that you were just trying to save me from myself, that you loved me. Then why didn’t I feel loved, if you loved me so much then why didn’t you do anything when you saw that I was struggling, why did you ignore all my cries for help, why did you turn me against my own parents.

I wish I could leave you but I’m tied to you with these invisible strings that have cut deep into my ankles and wrists, I will never really get rid of you, the scars will always stay. I can’t leave you, a part of me doesn’t even want to because you’ve brought so many amazing people into my life, and I reminisce about the first years of our relationship when we were madly in love. I remind myself of the times you took me on trips, surprised me with ice cream, and all your spontaneous outbursts of speeches that left me more in love with you even when I was mad. My friends say I don’t give people enough second chances, well, this time I’m giving you 228 more, so please don’t make me regret it.

I will still love you no matter how many times you make me feel worthless because how can I ever stop loving someone I’ve spent seven years with.

Thanks for everything,

sad gal

Sick as hell I check my phone, messaging into school,
I sigh inside and notice the time, deciding to message you.
The pain falls deep in my body, I type to you in glee,
Crushed, squished, I sit up waiting, stuck in a morning daydream.
Sharp stabs and bubbling insides, lead my fragile mind,
despite the feeling, a childish grin came at your reply.

Your golden personality dripping on me, after whimpering a battle cry,
Ballrooms fill with dancing literature, written in the night by a fool.
Words, movements, gentle touches, make my heartstrings unwind,
Music, intimacy, gifts for you, under a sky of blue.
Child-like fantasies feel trapped inside a tub of Neapolitan ice cream,
My confidence felt numb under a heavy lock until I saw your key.

Cheek caresses and dark chocolate eyes are all I want to see,
Our anxieties scare me, but we’ll overcome it like a butterfly.
Despite it all, it feels wonderful, to meet someone who sees esteem,
Blind ourselves, of achievements we hold, to me you are a jewel.
Your impact, care and self dedication is the reason why my smile grew,
Joyful tears, the pain we’ve known, I know we can finally leave behind.

Gazing downwards, I feel at ease, seeing your name signed,
Touching your handwriting, a piece of you, here beyond the sea.
Ambitions are goals made from our souls, we dream of making come true,
if feeling love is what I feel, I want you to prolong this high.
Colours are bright within our lives and I feel like we could rule,
We spoke in harmony, we spoke in warmth, we watch the pouring stream.

Hardships will fall, sometimes we will but I know we are a team,
We push onwards through the force like a blistering wind.
I promise you, I’ll hold on to you, during this whirlpool,
Life is fun with someone and you mean everything to me.
I’ll dream of you thinking of when I’ll see you come by,
The scent of tea over me, over you, awaiting our breakthrough.

Crying, singing and feeling, It’s all I wish to do,
Learning what’s wrong, doing what’s right, mild to extreme.
We cheer, we laugh and hold hands under this moonbeam,
For your attitude of faith, reminded me that day, to never feel resigned.
Carve your name into mine on the bark of a tree,
Celebrate every moment, kiss me in time, the rush of a joule.

I want your days to be as shiny as the lights, glistening near Blackpool,
It amazes me, that this sheltered dream, could become our reality,
You coat me in romance, I will pay back in kind.

I want to get high
I try to get drunk
Just to stop the cry
To rid the depression

But I wouldn't for you
But only for you
Because anything I do
Has always been for you

It's sticky and fogs your mind
This green friend of mine
Inhale to feel just fine
As slowly it steals your time.

It comes in the form of a leaf
With it there is no grief
It leaves behind some keef
But it is the time thief.

Many days can go by
****** or completely high
Without blinking an eye
Time begins to fly by.

It makes you do less
You begin to forget success
All you want to do is rest
And smoke it to your chest.

When its time to quit
You realise you're unfit
And couldn't give a s**t
You'd rather smoke and sit.

You might become addicted
Your brain power is restricted
Completely self inflicted
Your motivation misdirected.