When all is
Asleep
I young woman cries
For her
One true love
Has left her for the
Night never to come back
For he died
The next morning.

Age 10
I went to sleep across the hall, eyelids heavy and dreams in my brain.
While across the hall my mum was murdered in her sleep

Age 11
I never slept

Age 12
Learned to sleep again

Age 13
Learned to be suspicious of every sound I heard, the creek of a stair keeping me awake till dawn

Age 14
Thought of all escape routes from the room for when they came back

Age 15
Thought of all the ways to **** a man with my school grade scissors

Summer of 16
I spent hours trying to lift things with my mind, trying to control the breeze with a flip of my hand and each night I prayed tomorrow would be the day that I found my superpower.

Do you want to know why it was so incredible because I learnt to smile again because for the first time my thoughts going to sleep weren't about how I was going to die but about how I was going to live.

Sad like Valentines Day 2018 with my lover I loved no longer beside me in my bed, watching Inglorious *******, spaghetti I slaved all day on in the garbage because I spilled it in my haste, the words 'leave you' on my tongue.

is it cruel that sometimes i am
able to breathe normally,
and to get through
the day without
sobbing when
i think about you?

it's only been a little while
but it seems as if
i've forgotten your
petal soft skin,
always fresh with soap,
your hair neatly
clamped to a side
and,
your aching back which
arches stronger than
any bridge, carrying
all the weight of the
life you lived

those weary eyes,
glossy with tears
when we came to
visit from miles away
only to stay for hours,
with you crying
as you hug us
as we depart
like robots

we could've visited more often,
stayed a little longer,
because now all i can do is
pray in the morning when i wake up,
pray when i come back from school,
pray before going to sleep

i wish that your soft skin
stays gleaming,
i wish that your aching back
is no longer curved like a bangle
but instead straight like a ladder
letting you reach the heavens,
your long hair full of colour,
draping earth

and when i'll see the shadow,
i'd think that's you above me,
when i'll see the rain falling,
i'd think it's you crying
as you miss us,
as you look over us,
as you love us from there,
and when spring comes
the petals dancing in the air,
fragrance from france,
the one that's so expensive
won't even compare to your
scent

please let me shake in your
arms as you rub my back
with the strength of generations

please let me hug you
and cry with you as i leave
you behind

just for a little while
let's be together
in this short
life