What is fairness?
Is anything fair?

Just knowing
everyone
isn't allotted
the same amount of time
makes life
seem so unfair

I remember gravel
crunching under feet,
sun beating down
a sea of heads. At a booth,
we were offered advice on cleaning
products and chamois.
We walked passed fake gardens,
pet prized-winning sheep,
soared overhead on the sky tram.

My parents bought me a pickle
from the pickle man. Large,
juicy, plump, thick, delectable...
My tiny hands wrapped around it;
my lips ******* delicious juice,
nibbling meaty flesh.
When they’d take it away,
I’d throw a fit; cry.
They should’ve known then.

the restless peace cries inside
calm but there is pain
who cares what is underneath
she is sipping on her tea
picture of normalcy
there is hidden trauma
it was missing the usual sugar
tasting the bitter
as her vision of the truth
her morning of clearing dust
touching the rust
and all what was hidden
beneath the carpet
came clear.
The false sense of security
vanished away
foolish to the fault
good awakening
to welcome the new resident misery
for expecting a good fantasy
in this fair world.

Why do you say you care,
when you dont even care to listen to what's beneath my hair?

All you care about is ******* a person that only loves you just for that.
All you care about is your own selfish needs.
All you care about is your small problems you whine so much about.
(Seriously, it's starting to get on my nerves.)
All you care about is the people you haven't been able to ****.
All you care about is your relationship.
All you care about is using your mental illness to get what you want.
All you care about is manipulating those who are dear to you.
All you care about is revolving your world around toxic people.
All you care about is the horrible parts of yourself.

And yet,
You don't understand why your friends are in pain.
Or why you don't even have any friends at all.
You don't understand why he loves your body so much but not your heart.
You don't understand why you're still sad.
You don't understand why people step all over you.
You don't understand why you are so alone.
You don't understand why you tear yourself apart.
You don't understand why I am mad at you.

And yes,
I have been mad at you for such a very long time.
Because I, your friend, will sneak out of my house with just a dime.
And I can turn this shiny coin to your vibrant smile.
I can twist the tides to make the ship sail less violent.
I can break my bones and rip my skin to make you a comfortable tent.
I can listen to you and watch you cry as you vent.
I can be the comfort you seek solely from your relationship.
I can say magical things that can transform your hurricane to calm waters.
I can tear myself apart just for you.

And yet,
You are still not here for me.