and so i sit here in tears
clutching onto my phone
constantly going back and forth between apps
seeing how you are silent with me
but alive to everyone else.
and im left here to wonder
if me trying to do the simplest things to show i love you
is even enough to let me see your heart
but only these **** tears
that must have already turned my body
into a raging ocean
washes away the bitterness that i gain
and i force myself to smile
to say im sorry
to be the one to message you first
and try to have conversations
to be the only one feeling horrible
about speaking my feelings
just to prevent your tears
to contaminate my overflowing water

my heart ******* hurts.
but you ignore that, just like the messages.
i just want to love you. why do you have to treat me this way?
losing your heart
to someone else

is like losing your virginity
once you do it
you can't go back

you'll never be the same.

so why is it that
when i fell in love
with a pixel screen
abandoned in
the other side of the world

did i not feel pain?
why did it feel
as if nothing happened
that we did not
kiss
or say i love you
or make love
late into the night

why does it all just feel like
these memories were set in some kind of
parallel universe?

that begs the question...
did i really love you?
or did i just fall out of
this lonesome feeling?
im sorry.
Sickly
And
Dizzy

Thats
How
Anyone
Tells
Sees

Hear
Only if these
Wielding clocks could stop

I

Lied
I
Killed myself years ago
Evening filled of sorrow

I couldn’t
Take it anymore

Now I can
Only open my eyelids
When my

Grave is found
Or when

The tears wash away yesterday
Of when I

Slit my throat
Like if I was just snipping paper
Effectively cutting my artery
Eventually falling to a
Paralyzing feeling, lead into dark

I

A
M
thats how i like it
i wish you coul(d) gauge my eyes (o)ut
and peek ins(i)de the hollow walls
dripping with red pain(t)
please look closer
My monsters mate then they duplicate
I offer contraception; but it's too late.
They wish to reproduce, I only wish they'd reduce,
and it would be truly perfection if we could call a truce.

And my demons dance, what a sweet romance,
I turn off the music but they move to chants.
They wish to cause a stir, but I would prefer
if they wouldn't abuse it; it's meant to deter.

Play a song and put on a show,
they wish to belong but I want them to go.
There's no escape, there's no debating
that they're in great shape and the monsters are mating.

My monsters mate after their date,
I provide protection but they won't take the bait.
They crave sweet intimacy, just like me,
but the affection is laced with toxicity.

And my demons dance almost in a trance,
now I'm going deaf from my own rants.
They wish to cause a scene and I'm not too keen,
turn right cause on the left the grass could always be more green.

They sway to a loving bloom,
and they're banging hard in my head.
So I tell them to just get a room
and they say I should go to bed.

Play a song and put on a show,
their love might be wrong but atleast it creates a glow.
There's no end in sight and my nerves are grating,
day always turns to night and the monsters are mating.
shush
just for
a moment.

breathe
in the
oxygen.

do you
feel it?
filling up
your lungs?

do you
feel my
presence
as my
chest moves
rhythmically
with yours?

do you
feel your
heart beat
like crazy
when I
make love
to you?

do you
feel the
warmness
of the bed
as we
intertwine hands?

would it
make you
feel better
if I
stayed here
forever?

would you
hold me
tightly as
our souls
become one?

do you
hear the
breeze
coming from
the opened
window?

it sounds
peaceful
doesn't it?
just being
alive?

just
breathing
the same
air?

tasting sweet
strawberry lips

being rebellious
on touching
works of
art, staining
canvases with
finger prints.

feeling our
pulsating hearts
run our
blood through
our veins.

wrapping my
arms around
you, hoping
I can
freeze time
forever.

your sweet
smell that
sweeps my
feet over,
intoxicating
me with
this linger
and memory
of this
peaceful day.

no,
don't say
anything.

let our
minds communicate
let us
drown in
each other
let us
love
let us
be tranquil
let us
kiss
let us
breathe.

just for
a moment
before the
commotions
of the
world resumes.
sweet silence grows.
depression lingers
like your cologne on my clothes

depression lingers
like mosquitoes in lamps

depression lingers
like tears that stain your pillow

depression lingers
like a traumatic memory

depression lingers
like the weight of you on me

depression lingers
like my lipstick on your cigarette

depression lingers
like a drug addict's binge

depression lingers
like the scars on my skin

depression lingers
like red paint on broken mirrors

depression lingers
and it never goes away
it never stops
there is no end

i wish friendship would linger longer,
maybe then

depression would stop ringing my door bell at 3AM.
been in a bad state of depression again.
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