i realized i have lived my
whole life on the edge,
and that it will take
no more than a step
in the wrong direction
to send me over.

i tilt the glass so
the water creeps to the edge
of the glass rim

Fine,
if a bitter wind blows

Fine,
if a liar arrives

on my patio
hard heart
worn
right
with the
knuckle
skin

Fine,
pressed on the razor's edge
(grinning ear to ear as if I wanted it)

Fine,
when what was once the worst
(grinning ear to ear as if I wanted it)

returns to a placid place
below,
so

a new threat may
emerge

My mother
She is a part of me, I am a part of her
But like a heart, there are parts to her

She remembers childhoods that I do not recall
She has expired food in the refrigerator
She laughs, she smiles, she's exploding in joy
She yells, she points, she's cursing at people
She gets me gifts, lets me know I exist
She constantly threatens to kick me out

I take her side, when no one else does
Even though she's wrong
They beg me to calm her with reason
Even though I'm ten
Tried to stop her from attacking dad
I begged and begged for it to stop
She blames me for not attacking dad
I'm blamed and I'm blamed

/-* I learned how to be calm through the continual screaming, the point my emotions are no longer continually bleeding. I'm dead, and that's how I achieved success. To be less human, and to be more in my step. My mom goes off edges, my dad is the wall, my family is a mess, but I will be strong

And there is nothing worse. That she is a part of me, and I am a part of her. I will always hate love her

I'm wide open,
Standing stark at your front door,
Like a covered peep hole,
I'm not welcome anymore.

I'm wide open,
Your shadow frame cracks the floor,
But it's drifting away from me,
Scaling back the dinosaur.

Now I'm closed,
Alone in a clothing line,
Thrift stores we used to find,
Our vintage passing for time.

Do you suppose,
Roses are thorny vines,
Grapes don't smell like wine,
You were never the nurturing kind.

The shadows grab at my frayed heart
Reaching forth their cold hands
To pull me towards the coldness
Towards despair
Towards the darkness
Desperately I cling  
Cling to the edge
Cling to the small gleam of hope just beyond the horizon
Beyond my reach
I look back down at the darkness, at the cold dark abyss
And felt a part of me call out to the shadows
And heard them call back.
I almost let go, but I saw you in all your beautiful glory
Smiling at me from beyond the ages and beyond time
So I clung harder to the edge and to the hope still beyond the horizon
I looked at my pale, white hands and felt the sharp edges of rock cut into them
Cut into me
And I saw and felt the warm, red blood flow thickly from them
My life’s blood falling into the nothingness below
I looked above the edge one more time looking, reaching, for the strength to pull myself from this nightmare, this hell
Instead the moon’s pale silver light appeared above me
I smiled and looking up at the moon I let go of the edge
Let go of the pain,
Of the sadness,
Of the hate and anger,
Of the hurt,
I let go.
Down I fell not towards the darkness,
But towards the light
Upon a golden beam of light stood an angel.
Clothed in a flowing black robe and black feathers,
of softness and fragility .
There he was waiting for me, within his dark light.
The Angel of death
Of life
Of mercy
The angel of hope and love.
I landed gently next to him upon the golden light,
And looked with wonderment
Upon his graceful black wings
With a small smile he stretched out a hand towards me.
I took it and was immediately wrapped within his warm embrace
As he rose into the air with me in his arms, a feather of pure black fell and brushed my cheek and a true smile illuminated my face.
Now at long last my torn and frayed heart could mend.

everything became strange
while I tried to remember
every detail of you
just to bring back
all the dream memories

the feeling consumed me
the whole situation
poisoned my heart

you pushed me over
the edge of our boat
and let me sink
into the ocean of doubt

I don't know what to believe
while you hold me the way you do
but why you make me hesitate
and pretend like you don't want
to be part of our dreams

Two Heart breakers, standing in a room
One that you didn't suspect,
she's just starting to bloom.
And the other is what you expected,
making every heart go boom.

One never gave others a choice.
She hides information behind a knowing smirk
Her smile can turn any heart twords her.
Little did they know that a siren's song can lurk
In the sweetest of voices.

The other caused explosions
and it was only after the boom did they realize
that the aftermath was not worth the thrill of the fall.
They look around say with cries,
"I was never really chosen!"

Those two Heart breakers start to grow close,
giving the other what they require the most
of what they had to offer
Neither one seems to know
that they hold the others love.

The one who causes explosions of lust
is the first to fall
she got attached to quickly
the other wasn't ready.
So, she decided waiting wasn't for her
and moved off from the cliff's edge
to find another.

The one going into bloom
fell too late.
She missed the deadline and was so close.
But, the other had already moved on.
So, she moves on but left apart of her behind.
Because you never know when she might return.

The bloomer is now a flower.
The explosions have become dust.
They both have continued on but
keep going in circles around that edge.

Will they fall down together?
Or will they go their separate ways again?
One is too unpredictable and wild.
The other is too prepared and tame.
Maybe they will meet at this cliff's edge again.

Sitting here
Crying
Feeling
Nothing
Alone
End it
God please
Take me
To the black sea
Just for me
Sitting
Waiting
For death
On
The edge