i have to accept that i was just a place holder for you
someone you came to because no one else even scratched the bare minimum
loving you with all my heart was never enough because in the end i was never what you wanted

i am a convenience

there is no answer to why

disposable
even when i dont try

There's instant soup
Instant milk
Blogs full'a goop
Bugs in your blink

Instant coffee
Instagram
Love like toffee
Stuck in your spam

Instant high
Instant fluff
Wherever you look
There's bang for your buck

God forbid
Delete it all
Switch it off
Feel the mad withdrawal

And go back to the land
Grow your own
Get a cow or a goat
Forget your phone

Finish the weeding
Chat with a rose
Stand in a summer shower
Smell the smells in your nose

Listen to the night
Owls, foxes, wrens
Watch the slow boiling
Smoke dancing in little rings

She signs in the
Rain
So that I may see –
Drizzled words, despots and
Defiance, never defeat.

     And

She cries in the
Rain
So that I may never see –
What could never be cured, be
Culled; our calamity.

     And

I walk on in the
Rain
So that I may never learn how to –
Fix, never learn to forgive,
Most certainly, to forget.

     And

It’s just that simple in the
Rain,
Sign, cry or walk –
We become disposable,
And like chalk on sidewalks,

          We all wash away.

Do you pretend that pain does not exist,
That my presence is irrelevant?
Maybe it is not pretend for you.

I'm here looking up at your shadow as
You walk over me and walk alone
In San Diego. The city of my youth my home
Away from home.

You are, that city, my heart away from my heart.
Beating and ebbing as the waves on the sand,
The arteries ache and stretch with the breath of my distaste,

I feel something with you gone.

And with you here. But that's not now because you're there,
Healing and skating and smoking with strangers
And taking pictures to remember being 19
in the tunnels
like the veins heading away from me.

19 lines to describe what eye feel when you ignore
Something you said was unique.

******* Anne. I ache.

If it's old, or if it breaks,
Don't think twice, throw it away.
Bigger, better, nicer, newer,
Tablets, phones, and computers.
Houses, cars, husbands and wives,
Nothing's good enough
in our disposable lives.

We're taught to hate imperfect things,
Taught to replace and throw away,
Taught to wish for better,
Never settle for less,
Our disposable world
Accepts only the best.

And we wonder why
We're ashamed of our flaws
And why we're insecure
But it might be because
Our disposable world
Says we're not good enough
So what should be pride
Turns into disgust.

We are worth so much more
Than all items combined
We were born good enough
But we fall for these lies.

We aren't mass produced,
We are one of a kind.
So the disposable world rules
Do not apply.

I was purchased, used, and thrown out.
I got to see a few good times. Usually blurry or something got in the way, but it was still sort of ok.

The cycle starts over.

I'm purchased, used, and thrown out.
Once again I see wonderful things,
but usually posed and fake.
It was still sort of ok.

Until the cycle starts over.

at one moment you are lying on that heated floor
with a person you feel your affections grow
next moment, a figure from far appears
and you have become seemingly disposable

you are not owed an explanation
at why the plans have suddenly changed
new love, fresh air and reinvigorated spirit
seemingly do not extinguish an old flame

perhaps, in fact, it has fanned it to grow
and while the smoke and falling walls crumble
from a house of love that was not even yet plastered
its another painful blow and an even more hurtful tumble

I am searching for something long lasting in this disposable world.
We have instant messages and fast food.
we are lacking things that are longer lasting things are made of cheap plastic , not anything fantastic or made to last.
Our friendship's can be too quickly pushed aside or become like strangers when the tide comes in.
When will we want something more permanent
When will we hold onto something more lasting, instead of things like cheap plastic and the disposable.
We need to hang on and hold on to what is worthwhile and not what can just be bought.
It is just a cheap Imitation and is just disposable.
It is time to reach for what is real and tell your Loved ones how you feel.