#disorder poems on Hello Poetry

Empire Mar 2019

Don’t tell me you know
What it feels like
When your own mind
Is your arch enemy

Don’t tell me you understand
What it means
To be a prisoner
Inside your head

Don’t tell me you know
The terror
Of thinking you are
Properly insane

Don’t tell me you get
Being enslaved
By compulsions
You don’t understand

Don’t tell me you know
About causing so much damage
To yourself
You are afraid for your life

Don’t tell me.

These are not things
You can pretend to know
Not feelings you can simulate
Unless you’ve been there

And I hope you haven’t.

#anxiety #fear #mental #health #depression #disorder #healing #understanding

Empire Mar 2019

Recovery

This space in between
Severely ill
And
Finally well
Is so full of confusion
This mixed bag of
Pain
Happiness
Heartbreak
Memories
Old habits tempting
Creeping up to pull you down
While you can see light ahead
Begging you to get better
These are the growing pains
Of recovery

Some days I’m so full of vibrance
Others I am full of death

#recovery #anxiety #depression #healing #mental #health #disorder #illness

notthepoethewantstobe Mar 2019

Ode To The Chaos Of Jumbled Parts

I’m the cling-clang of coins in my pocket,
and loose paperclips in a desk drawer.
Like lipstick and gum in a lady’s purse,
I’m a kid’s toys strewn about on the floor.

When I walk my insides rattle about,
like a janitor’s keys without his ring,
like groceries bagged by junior baggers,
I’m jumbled as a cat’s unraveled string.

I’m less ordered than a box of Legos,
or debris remaining after a storm.
Nuts and bolts in an amateur toolbox
click-clack and click-clack with even more form.

I’m just a package of random loose parts,
though the world sees me as perfectly fine.
Life is making order of that chaos,
but it’s my life and that chaos is mine.

Instagram @insightshurt
Blogging at www.insightshurt.com
Buy “Insights Hurt: Bringing Healing Thoughts To Life” at store.bookbaby.com/book/insights-hurt

#chaos #disorder #self #selfdiscovery #whoami #insightshurt

morrigan Mar 2019

order 90 for mia

Order 90---
I am hesitant to get my tray.
I sit down, open the box
And breathe in fumes of decay.

You are greasy, thick, and full of fat---
Everything that disgusts me.

My body hates you.
My taste buds love you.
My stomach can't stand you.
I have to get rid of you.

I hover over the water
Seeing my reflection.

White porcelain haunts me
As I take a deep breath...

And let the sickness consume me.

suggestions to make this poem better are wanted. it's for a class and this is just the first draft. thank you!

#eating #disorder #anorexia #bulimia #binge

Myrrdin Mar 2019

Size 0 Coffin

I paint daisy chains
On sharp edges
Roses in my hollows
Starvation in full bloom
Is lovelier than death
So I'll throw bouquets
On my own casket
And dig shallow graves
In my tummy
Bury yesterdays love
Resurrect today's doubt
At least skeletons
Are not afraid to die

#coffin #size #0 #anorexia #eating #disorder

Empire Mar 2019

what is it

This sickness?

Being yelled at for throwing tantrums
That were really panic attacks

Beating yourself, hurting yourself
Because you made a mistake

Being confused that no one had hurt you
But you were always in pain

Being told to just calm down
And to stop overreacting

Being unsure if you want to be better
Because maybe it’s just your personality

Not trusting yourself anymore
Because there’s medication in your head

Wanting to feel numb
Because inside everything hurts

Wanting to get high
Because inside you feel numb

Always wondering if you’re okay
And knowing the answer is probably “no”

So if you want to know
What it is that ails me
This is it
This is what I’m fighting

#fight #mental #health #illness #sickness #disorder #depression #numb #pain #anxiety

Gray Mar 2019

live

i always wanted to be a fairy;
to be small,
skinny,
and free
to be able to fly,
soar through the clouds,
and touch the sun

i longed to be a vampire
so i could be beautifully pale,
survive on liquid alone,
and be asleep all day

i wished to be a zombie
so i didn’t have to eat,
so i could see my ribs,
and just rest in peace

i prayed to be a witch,
or a warlock;
make people see me for me,
and see me as a boy

i just want it all to get better

a wish list for the future, and a letter from the past

#genderdysphoria #dysphoria #trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ed #anorexia #eating #disorder

Robert van Lingen Mar 2019

Thank You, Me

In this new,
internal extrospection,
my out-of heart experience.

I realize who I've been,
what I've seen,
and how I've made myself bleed,
and others too...

I am Sorrowful.
I am thankful.
I am in pain.
I am hopeful.

Flooded by invisible tears and searing pain at the same time,
and even a hidden happiness,

I won't pretend to know.

I won't pretend to show just how I feel,
or just who I am.
Because I don't know.

All I know is,

I am.

This is my mindset journal.

#short #free #verse #personality #disorder #identity #struggles #pain #anxiety #loss

Lydeen Mar 2019

Mia

Tired...
but Beautiful

Awake...
but Still Sleeping

Alive...
but Starving

Dying...
but Slowly

Eating...
but Not Really

Ugly...
but Pretty

#bulimia #starving #dying #anorexia #ed #disorder #ednos

Empire Mar 2019

Disorder

There's nothing more
Terrifying
Than knowing your
Own brain
Is telling you lies

You don't know what to believe.
It's the worst kind of confusion.