MAYBE I DESTROY EVERY REALTIONSHIP THAT I HAVE NOW BECAUSE WHEN I WAS YOUNG I WAS TAUGHT THAT YELLING MEANS LOVING

An iconoclast.
Destroyer of images.
Executioner

of text worshipers.
Without a star to guide us,
drifting aimlessly.

The unworthy gone,
and banished from existence.
Crushed into splinters

under the pressure
of their reflections, much too
heavy to carry.

I saw heaven once.
I clawed at an angel's wings.
Almost beautiful.

I am fire,
Glowing, Blazing, Growing.
You are water
destroying me, drowning me.
He is wind,
Helping Me Grow, Pushing You Away.

I am fine,
Living, Moving, Learning.
You are nothing,
nothing to me, nothing for me.
He is mine,
Supporting Me, Loving Me.

I am happy,
My Life Full of Love, Success.
You are gone,
never even a thought until now.
He is with me,
By My Side, Holding Me Up.

I am fire,
Glowing, Blazing, Growing.

It strangles in it's hold
It suffocates with it's presence
It sits on my chest and I wheeze with the effort of
Breath
In out, choking
It holds me at night, cold, clawing darkness
The bed partner that goes nowhere
Infiltrating my mind filling it with
Pain pain pain  
It steals the grin right out from under me with the thoughts running through
Unstoppable, unbearable
Constant, comfortable, normal
Destroying me one piece of mind and body at a time
It's all lies
It's all truth
It's all fear

I write because it feels right
in the process of writing
I am creating something

the Divine spark lives in me
and comes to life in the act of creation

even during my darkest suicidal hours,
I could not abandon poetry and art.
the act of creating and destroying
saved me

the process of writing is like my life
I build and destroy,
and in the process
try to grow from the experience

Similar to a wave in the sea,
I cannot be restrained.
Rising up after falling
again and again.
Each time stronger,
crashing down harder
than before.
Resembling the messages sent in bottles,
rippling waves inscribed with purpose.
Drowning my anchors
in the deepness of the water.
Destroying what destroys me,
refusing to stop
kissing the shore line
even after being pushed away.

I’ve lost faith in me
My strength faltering under the weight
Of the world around me
I’ve lost faith in me
Since I let myself fall for you

It was my courage that tempted me
To hold your hand
Respond to your smiles
And make me believe in a lie

Why did I let myself fall from my inner grace?
My heart was so strong, I had wings that could soar me high!
Yet I chose to cut them off myself
To keep myself grounded and bound to you.

You were the greatest lie
You were my ultimate sin
You were my drug, my addiction
My greatest downfall

You left
You left me alone in a cruel cruel place
After you turned everyone against me
Twisting and distorting everything to suit your story -- a story that destroyed me

Now demons haunt me
They're everywhere I go, everywhere I turn
And not a single angel in sight
All silver linings gone

I'm going crazy
The silence of my isolation is deafening
And in this, my horrid self isolation
Only the feeling of my tears break the coldness of my skin

No words can fully describe
The inner workings of my broken mind
No tears will be enough
To satisfy the thirst for comfort or relief

And as I lay here, in my isolation
I think only of the day
When the skies will clear and end
The isolation of my mind

Why did I do it?
I destroyed the person inside me.
But the outside is living, breathing, just fine.
People don't notice,
I'm missing the light in my eyes
I'm missing the smile you would see every day.
I'm not really missing anything important.

I'm not even missing.
Just lost.

How do I erase this Janwar
that's clawing, gnawing, destroying my insides
try to cease this current
this ebbing self-control
black-holed sanity of clear thought

Everywhere I go
every sight I see
incomplete without my completeness
you

Stupidity overwhelming judgement
blinding direction of constant withdrawal
an itch

How I wish things didn't happen for a reason
for now, I'd be whole
without a counterpart
missing

A puzzle piece
misleading me to believe
that he
and me
as a we
are meant to be

**** that idiocracy
for whole
I am,
complete,
and you are obsolete

*s.q.