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Dana Kathleen Nov 2016
Good food that leaves a bad taste in the back of your mouth, even worse, people who leave a bad taste in the back of your mouth. When someone over stays their welcome. When people ask about your problems only so you’ll ask about theirs, forcing you to care for them. Not having the space you deserve. Unsaid thoughts that can be read on faces.
Placing your self-worth and validation outside of yourself, especially in another heartbeat that can wrap its’ first around it and run, forcing you to follow. When a person knows they are going to leave you, but still ask you to stay because they need you for now. Showing someone your scars only to have them lie about their own.
When your boyfriend says he loves you for the first time while intoxicated, not on you, and takes it back when sober. Telling him you love when he wears his glasses, and he still always wears contacts. Helplessly watching the hourglass of us run out. When he leaves you, who he would not even utter the names of his parents or his birthplace, for someone who shares his tongue. Yet, he will not say her name to you in hopes that that makes it okay.
Kissing someone and knowing it is the last time. Begging someone to stay, even though you know you’re better than that. Pity kisses planted on foreheads. Empty promises, like saying they will keep in touch or visit, but you know they are just too weak to accept that this is the last time.
All the ways in which a person can leave you, and they will because if they leave you, you cannot leave them. Time wasted on waiting for someone to come home when the time could have been spent moving. The concept of time. Manipulation. Having to say goodbye. Being asked about the person who left you. Not loving yourself. When someone finally treats you right, and it bores you.
I wrote this for my Literature in a Global Context class, we were prompted to model a poem after Sei Shonagon's The Pillowbook
Dana Kathleen Feb 2016
You can tell a lot about a person
by the way they leave you
so let me tell you about all
the ways in which he left me.

He left me in my room
he left me on Friday nights
he left me by the lake
he left me in April and again in December
he left me on the sidewalk
he left me in texts
he left me in a different time zone
he left me in thoughts unsaid
he left me for the summer and for his hometown
he left me for her, twice
he left me on the kitchen floor
he left me in ticking clocks and calendar dates

He collected leaving like it lead to a high horse
because if you’re doing the leaving
you can’t be the one that’s left and
it taught me how not to leave people
and not to let people back after they’ve
left because they will do it again.

I lived in waiting for him because it was better
than wondering when or
how he’d leave me again
Is this the last time?

He left me outside
of myself and forced
me to reach in and find
all that's left.
Dana Kathleen Jan 2016
You didn’t want to be the one who got away
so you reeled me back in.
You drug my heart all over town and
my feet followed because my mind
was so fixed on the picture of us and
you gave my hands a fix by filling them with hope
until we were on the brink of it only for you to play the hero and say
you’re setting me free when really all you did was leave
because you wanted to come out unharmed and
I had showed you all of my scars but you only lied about yours.

You couldn’t set me free because I was still there
the only difference was I was alone
so I have to let you go because I love myself
way more than I ever could have loved you and
all you do is bring ruin into my life and
I won’t live with bite marks on my tongue
from things I’ve never said or unable to breath
from the weight on my chest so here are the dates ruined with a stain of you:

    September 14th 2014: Our first coffee date

    January 10th 2015: When you told me you loved me

    February 18th 2015: When you too it back

    April 4th 2015: When you told me you didn’t know what to do

    April 17th 2015: When you broke us

    May 8th 2015: When you told me you lied and you needed time and told me to wait for you

    May 31st 2015: When I realized you deleted me on Facebook only to    
find that it was because your relationship status had changed after you told me to wait

    June 14th 2015: When you forced me to the kitchen floor

    June 29th 2015: I don’t remember but I’m sure it hurt

    August 25th 2015: When you asked me about the moon and said that you missed me and asked if we could start over

    October 21st: When you wrapped me in hope with street hugs covered in darkness and told me you’d kiss me if it wasn’t for her

    October 23rd: When you pulled away but still stayed

    November 4th: When you took me to dinner and finally addressed the elephant in the room

    November 15th: When you told me not now but maybe in the future

    November 20th: When you planted a pity kiss on my forehead

    December 1st: When we went to coffee again

    December 5th: When you needed me

    December 10th: When you told me you loved me again

    December 15th 2015: when you told me you needed to be single to focus on yourself and didn’t want to be in a long distance relationship while abroad and that there wasn’t even a chance for when you get back

    January 26th 2016: When I found out you were back with her and had lied to me again and hopefully for the last time.

You littered me with lies and made your mark
on too many calendar dates and my heart breaks
for you but I won’t let it be broken by you anymore
because I’ve heard the best revenge is to forget but I think
it’s even better to remember and not care at all and
after 503 days I remembered how much I love blue eyes,
like coming home to myself, and I’ve finally set myself free.
This is really personal but I really needed to get it out of my system
Dana Kathleen Jan 2016
A guide to being 5 feet tall,
100 pounds and taking
three tequila shots.

Take selfies with people you
know and people
you don’t.

Hug people who don’t
acknowledge you
when they’re sober.

Scream names over and over
until they give you

Facetime your best friend
but because of your location
you cannot hear a thing
they say so the conversation
consists of you screaming
at your phone.

And don’t forget to text your ex.
But tonight will be special because
when you ask for a ride home
he will say yes.

But it’s not that simple
before you go you must
stand outside and scream
and chase your friends,
trying to stop them from
calling their exes.
And yell at a guy for not
treating his girlfriend right.

Next you must make a stop
at the local sandwich place.
Where you will fall on your way
to the bathroom to throw up.
Your ex will have to
carry you out to his car.
And when he tries to
drop you off you refuse
to go anywhere unless it’s
home with him.

You lay in his bed and
when he tells you he is
going to sleep on the couch
you cry and beg him to stay.

He agrees but doesn’t stay
long enough for you to fall
and you feel the kiss he plants
on your forehead
before he goes.

You will wake up at 7am
and leave tears for him
on his pillow case.

You will decide to slip out
and walk home, but as you
put on your shoes you let
yourself drink him in
one last time because  
he is the most beautiful when
he sleeps, and unaware.
Then you leave.

You walk home on a November
morning after the first snowfall,
never tripping on your thoughts,
on a walk of dignity for being
the one to leave this time.

When you get home you will
hesitate to shower because you
know the potential this has to
be the last time waking up
with his smell and letting it stay
with you all day.

You will get a text from him asking
why you didn’t let him take you home,
but how do you tell him he already has?
And that it’s empty now?
Dana Kathleen Jan 2016
I had woken
at a friends to them
discussing their glasses and
tears formed in my eyes,
tightness formed in my chest and
I had to focus and my breath
because I thought of you in your glasses
especially when you had scruff
on your face or when wearing a sweater
I always expressed how much
I loved your glasses but
you never wore them more
and now I don't have enough
images to last and it's going to be
a long forever without seeing you
in your glasses.
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