Are you holding my hand,

Just so that you don't fall?

Your heart is the depth that I dive into
Every time that I'm lost in you,
And every time I wanna fall.
I fall ******* your autumn leave ground.
I like it,
How those leaves make a murmuring sound.
Your soul is my fifth dimension.
I get lost in there,
Never want to be found,
I love it,
How you hide me from the world and its frown.
I'm covered with the pedals of your touch.
Your fragrance is what I crave for
Your thorns don't hurt me so much.
I'm your blossom of autumn,
And your winds of summer,
At midnight I will bloom in thy forest
Don't plunder my beauty and my glimmer.

I have so much depth to me,
I’m sorry if I made you drown

Faith, my son, is hard to come by
Every truth I’ve ever said felt like a lie
I’m scared of the future
It rears it’s head like creature
I don’t know myself.

Does anyone really
Know what truly lies in your belly
Our how to control
The feelings you hold
What’s really your wealth.

Maybe I’m more than a sinner
I am not yet a winner
But my chances are there
If only just by a hair
To take this hand that I’m dealt.

And open my soul to the whole ******* world
To the almighty Lord
To the champions of loves greatest deeds
To pluck from the thorniest of weeds
The man I wish to call myself.

Because love is the answer
And hate is a cancer
And moreover now
I’m more and more proud
To play the cards I’m dealt

you wake up at 6
take a deep breath
and find in the depth of you
the strenght to deal with another day,
in that awful job,
in which you're not valued or happy.
and you keep on going
holding up the tears
various times a day.
you manage to stand
all those boring small talks,
with people that don't actually care.
you stand the noise from the machines
but the loudest one is from the cracks breaking
inside you,
and from your soul being suffocated.
becaming a robot.
that's what they wanted, right?

and when it's late
and you're tired,
you go home
and spend the last hours of your day
watching other people's lifes
on TV or instagram,
just so you don't think about
how meaningless is your own life.
just so you don't have to deal
or think about anything at all.
just until you fall asleep
to wake up to another pathetic day.

Every feeling drawn from so much depth,
That I have to learn to embrace the deep,
The blackness of the pit with no echo,
The unreachable place from which they creep.

I’ve not been privileged to love shallowly,
Nor unrequited love not quench my soul,
Nor experience of fleeting sadness,
But to love my dark and bottomless hole.

Shall I be better off without darkness?
Feeling love as strong as jealous anguish?
Shall I pray to never feel crushing hurt?
So loving shall be an incomplete wish?

How often rejection brought me despair!
Oh to be hopeful as my hopelessness!
The deep emptiness that ***** down my pain,
Is the same depth from which I can’t love less.

Emptiness do not fill up with healing!
That dark abyss is my space for feeling.

Her eyes mimicked
the beckoning moonlight
refracting in the
stillness of the ocean;
revealing a wondrous
depth, and all the
walls I built came
crumbling down.

Fear and courage
skirmished inside
my head as I drift
deeper into the
dark of her eyes;
equally liberating
and terrifying,
knowing I might get
lost in it...

...but I won’t close
my eyes, nor will
I ever look away.

I try to contain the poison that leaks and streams
from my brokenness
...as tears streak my face
looking like streams in the desert
...but there is no refreshment in these bitter streams...
I heard that it was a choice to be broken
...but why would I choose to break myself? Maybe it was all of the curses that I've spoken-
against myself...
have I unwittingly foretold my own emotional death?
...and all of these years I flaunted it like it was emotional depth...
Whatever the case- it doesn't matter
Noone has hurt me more or been as unkind
As I search the corridors of my heart and my mind,
I find that
It is I
Replay after replay of some emotional torment, trying to find the fault with me...
That **** hurt- why can't I just leave it.  Right. There?
What they did hurt! And that **** ain't fair...
Why do I feel the need to make it about me?
It's this kind of behavior that keeps me from being free
I've become my own enemy
...so I lie here and I continue to bleed
And I try to contain the poison that streams
From my brokenness
...as tears streak my face
Looking like streams in the desert
But there is no refreshment...

I promise to tell the truth,  the whole truth and nothing but the truth
So help me God.

Connection your honor.
In this case it can be described as being one with myself.

The ability to then be connected with others.
Let the record show,  it takes hard work,  inner growth and release of ego.
The evidence will show lack of negative energies expressed,
And influx of positive vibes.

Objection; this isn't a sustainable lifestyle.
Overruled.

The defendant has admitted to past involvement in self sabotage.
With a history of willingness to introspection, meaningful dialogue, and sincere change.

Without threat or coercion I choose to let go of the toxic and insignificant,
And plead to expand knowledge and deep understanding of self and others.

To be the bright,  humble and shining Star I was born to be.  

The defense rests.