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Nizaam Jeftha Nov 2019
Late at night I look up at the sky....
And think about all the reasons why....
I love you and I realised that soon I'll have to say goodbye..

Late at night ,I wonder why you don't feel the same...
And think to myself ,I had feelings for u ever since u came....
And now all I'm feeling is pain....

Late at night,I think about when you u gone...
And wonder how am I going to to move on...
Cause I have no clue ,what am I going to do....
Knowing that I keep falling deeper in love with you...
im the killer of my own dreams,
the ******* murderer of my desires,
the one who holds my emotions hostage
and who holds a pistol against my own throat just in case i even think to dare to speak...

i cuss myself out so tears won't leave my eyes
i threaten my own life to quiet down the silent screams of my soul
i stand the **** up against the girl who constantly looks back at me... destroyed, hurt, bleeding hands, swelled up eyes, barely beating hurt ... in front of the mirror

im the devious prince in my own story ...
but i still wonder if i can be my own knight in shinning armor to come rescue me from my own self...
Every feeling drawn from so much depth,
That I have to learn to embrace the deep,
The blackness of the pit with no echo,
The unreachable place from which they creep.

I’ve not been privileged to love shallowly,
Nor unrequited love not quench my soul,
Nor experience of fleeting sadness,
But to love my dark and bottomless hole.

Shall I be better off without darkness?
Feeling love as strong as jealous anguish?
Shall I pray to never feel crushing hurt?
So loving shall be an incomplete wish?

How often rejection brought me despair!
Oh to be hopeful as my hopelessness!
The deep emptiness that ***** down my pain,
Is the same depth from which I can’t love less.

Emptiness do not fill up with healing!
That dark abyss is my space for feeling.
alma Sep 2016
it's crazy how my tears still drowning when i hear a word 'you'
i wanna feel nothing
like literally nothing
i just..
i wanna forget things about myself,
getting lost,
changing my personal identity,
starting a new life,
i don't know
i don't even know it..
i admit it now that
i cant seem to find someone like you
someone that always be there for me
no matter what
no matter how hard i was
but you still there and here..
if  you only knew
i'm just sappy knowing that you're happy with her more than mine..
and if you only knew
til these days i haven't met someone that treated me the way you treated me..
i know it sounds crazy that you've done the worst thing ever in my life but the truth is..
what if the worst you is all that i need?
and what if you were the only one who could swim in all of my weaknesses with so much patient?
we've been through so much pressure and still no matter what
you made it like you could worked that out again..
i know 'sorry' means nothing to you anymore
and i know that you're hating me after all this time
but i can't
i just can't..
from the bottom of my heart
please please be the happiest cause you deserve more than mine in this world
i want you to keep that forever
,and ever..
alma Sep 2016
I wish..
I wish i wasn't a stone cold so i don't have to make you wait for every second, minute, and hour..
I wish..
I wish i could grabbed your arms around me
Like you did to her everyday..
I wish..
I wish i could cuddle with you Like she did with you in the late night..
I wish..
I wish i could have one day to fix everything up
Like you always did to me even when i didn't..
I wish..
I wish i could live inside your emotions
Like she could live inside yours..
I wish..
I wish i could be your bad temper
Like you did to swim inside my weaknesses..
I wish..
I wish i didn't give up too easily with you
Like you'd never did to me (ever)
I wish..
I wish i could be like her
So i don't have to say goodbye to you forever..
Chansee Williams Apr 2015
i wish i could overload
Your messages
Explaining the way i feel for you.

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