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it's past 12 midnight
-and that should just be okay
  given with my quarantine body clock,
but i haven't slept for the past 36 hours:
  -i walked around the city,
  -i exhausted my brain with responsibilities,
  -i distracted myself with hobbies,
but i just can't seem to sleep.

it's amazing how overthinking really rallies with your mind,
and how it affects your whole biological being.
it's amazing how, one brief moment with a stranger,
bugs me like this.

his lips,
his warm embrace,
his sweet voice.

i just can't seem to sleep,
i
need
him,
someone once told me

-long before when i used to play music so loud
so loud to help keep the whispers at bay
      the monsters hidden within
            the unanswered questions, doubts, unanswered,

that to be able to appreciate music,
lower the volume, take it in, softly, gently, and
hear it calmly.

but then,
        the whispers
            the monsters
                the unanswered questions
                                              doubts

 ­  are louder, s c r EA mIng,
                   loud, louder than

     the heartb e a t,
       dum, dumdum, dum.....
                    too soft.... too..

hoax.
i wanted to, but i can't hear the soft music in the screaming of what's within.
a week has passed and since then,
my love for you found refuge in my close friend's list
-settled for knowing that you saw it,
saw me, perhaps, even through me.
-settled for knowing that you,
are there for me.

-settled, for knowing you.
romantic innuendo part 2//
and on my IG stories shall i send my indirect messages to you, for you.
DIGEST THE SECRET CODE, lOVE. i, ******
how can someone -a
math genius and a poet,
be so dense 'bout love?
I AM SERIOUSLY DROPPING HINTS ON MY IG STORY, YOU''RE THE ONLY PERSON ON MY CLOSE FRIENDS LIST, PLEASE READ THE ROOM. YES, I AM SENDING THOSE IG STORIES TO YOU!
and before the sun hit my windows,
or before the warmth of its light kiss my cheeks,
i dreamt of you.

it started with a random event, venue and cast,
-people are at our newly renovated house, celebrating;
family, relatives and close relations, and then you came.

you entered the house with such elegance and demeanor which
urged my unconscious self tremble in fluster and unknowingly smile,
how could a person be so beautiful?

and so you sat down on the seat beside me, facing my family;
we moved past the introductions as i frantically searched for your excuse for visiting me -how are you here?
do you have an ongoing project nearby, perhaps?

i kept asking questions, to make up an excuse for your visitation,
but you kept answering 'No," and when i gave up
you completed your answer, "No, I don't know." You smiled.

You smiled as if I know what you meant.
You smiled as if that'll erase the glares of the people around.
You smiled as if we understood each other, so well.

You smiled, and for the first time i saw your vulnerability;
you were shy, flustered and utterly adorable -you didn't even try;
you smiled as if you're helplessly falling in love.

and then i smiled,
as if to answer your proposal,
as if i knew what you meant, and that i say 'yes.'

but as all dreams work,
i woke up.
here's the direct anecdote from my notes:
I dreamt about you. You came to our house, i asked you why -if maybe you have any project nearby. You said no, you said you did not know. And you smiled, you smiled as if i know what you meant, and i did. Out of frantic panic that my family might know, i accidentally pushed the light bulbs off the table. And my mom said it's okay. It's okay as long as i also like you. And then i woke up.
That night, i saw you. In your most vulnerable state. Past your eloquence and your sturdy conviction whenever you're asked something about your profession. You were shy, flustered, and fidgeting your hair. You were so soft, i could almost hug and smother you with soft kisses.
context: he's a licensed professional of the degree i am currently taking; and we met one time during a convention.

— The End —