Steve Nov 26
Burnt by the Sun that lights the days that I recently started to sleep away
Ashes in the wind sparkle the nights that allow me to hide and drink to the dark thoughts I hold in
Trying to force distance between memories and myself
A life thats been *****
So I contemplate how to use this blade
Save the it'll get better and everything happens for a reason lines
I don't live by cliches
I hate pain so I cut myself to ease the heartache
Enough blood to cause a flood
Clean the regrets from mistakes I made
Old man living lost in life
Keep your couple of dimes and cold french fries
I'm not begging for help
Waiting for traffic to pick up
If I had a sign it would read
*** did you forget about me
Why so long for these open wounds to heal
Last one left on the sideline
Couples holding hands passing by
Can I have alittle happiness
Or am I the ******* child
Are you black and racist
Or is this your other personality coming alive
Just releasing some hate you had stored up for me
To far gone to quit
My white flag is red
To far gone to come back
My will is dead
My head fried like an egg on those old this your brain on drugs ad campaigns
This sub **** is not for a dom
I'm leaving you like Jesus left earth for heaven
Moving on to better
Que up the tears and practice telling someone how you miss me
These ears are deaf to your ****
And these eyes are no longer blind to your ****
My feelings won't allow me to continue letting you get away with your ****
It's been going on for to long so it's about time I put a end to this *******
Feedback is always appeciate
Steve Nov 16
To Steve
Do you remember the morning you lost your dad?
When I seen you crying I started
I begin thinking one day I would be you and lose mine too
Never did I think it would be this soon
High school graduation,  first day of college,  and everything that follows I'll do without him
He took a piece of my happiness when he decided to leave
Atleast you knew yours loved you enough to stay
Questions with no answers is what I'm stuck with
And it really *****
I believed everything he ever said
He promised he would always be there
To not worrying about calling
I could just yell cause he would always be close
I know I rarely said it but I loved him
And for that I get this and that ain't fair
Why did you lie
Why would you  leave without telling me why
You didn't even say goodnight
You couldn't have waited till I was awake
Maybe after you drove me to shool
All I have are broken promises
I don't love you
I hate you
I'm glad your gone
You wasn't even my real dad

Dear Kayla
What did I say about letting other people make you so mad ?
Never give them that power
It hurts me to know I have caused you pain
I never wanted that
And I am with you
I'll always be by your side
Every minute we spent together was a blessing
You taught me more then I would've ever knew
My hero, my beautiful girl, my brilliant daughter
The sunshine in my day
The reason for the smile on my face
You don't need me around to continue your path towards great things
I believe you will change something in this world in a postive way
I tried staying around to see it
I hope time takes away your anger and pain
Theirs three envolopes in your top draw
Please wait to open till the date wrote on each one of them
I'm going to miss alot and
I'm sorry for that
I didn't want you worrying about me so your mom and myself decided not to tell
I would've before I had to leave but things got worse
If you cry please cry tears of happiness
That's all I want you to remember
I hope this letter helps in someway
I'm going to go now but remember
I'll still love you more tomorrow then I do today
You made my life mean something
Be good for your mom and don't forget to always smile
It makes the world shine
Thank you for being you and loving me
Your dad

I couldn't make it in before you feel asleep to say goodnight. But I sat by your bedside for hours watching you  Kissed your forehead and letting you know I was sorry I wouldn't be able to take you to school. I love you , you amazing beautiful girl
Welcome any feedback
Steve Nov 4
Overheard a mother asking her daughter
Which one do you want to be ?
One of ***'s children or one of them girls over there , a *****
Few minutes of silence before she asked,
Mom can I be a preacher or priest?
Her head dropped and hands raised
Thank you Jesus she yelled as tears ran down her face
Yes, yes you can
Quickly gather you things so we can get home
Her father sitting with bible and the tv on as she intrupts
Go ahead and tell your dad
Let you dad know, Go ahead
All stares and no words
The mom yells out daughter wants to serve the Lord
He lays the bible on the table and his glasses on the that bible
Pulls a handkerchief to wipe his forehead
Takes his daughters hand says
This is the greatest day of my life
*** has answered my prayers
She looks up at her mom then back to her dad
One more time before letting them know
I don't want to do the Lord's work
I just figured if I was a preacher or a priest I wouldn't have to decide
I could be both
Steve Oct 19
I been pacing forty five mins
Shes has me waiting
I'm doing that don't **** on yourself dance
Till finally the door swings open
Standing in a towel with the water running
Tells me to hurry she still needs to shower
As I wash my hands I catch a glimpse of me in the mirror
Walk out with my head down so she don't see my eyes
I act busy as she does her make up
Trying hard not to stare
So beautiful
This is to hard
By the time she's done the closest is empty
Clothes cover the bed
When she ask how do I look
I whisper gorgeous as I drop my head
Now I'm locked in the bathroom
Asking myself what went wrong
Nothing hurts more then watching her get ready when I know it's not me she's getting ready for
All feedback welcome
Steve Oct 8
Shot out and brain damaged
A paranoid loose cannon
One who if breathing is one who is high
Started early and by early I mean before I could open my eyes
Floor still covered in my mess as I begin having withdraws
A crackhead mom sharing through my umbilical cord
Now two fiends alone rocking back and forth
Easier to let a baby taste the stem then listen to a baby cry
Your mother made sure you was fed
Filled your head with knowledge and heart with love
Mine pushed my swing while giving head to get our fix
Each doing what they knew
While you were getting ready for your first day of school
I was packing waiting on mine who finished serving time
Kiss your dad goodnight
While I lock the door from my mothers  friends
You kneel and pray to say thanks for how blessed you are
I silently cry out loud asking why
Tomorrow is another chance to make a change
But I know we both will wake to the samething
Me to nothing and you to a good breakfast
Oh you thought I meant the same same thing
No I live in reality
No man can turn nothing into something
Get your friends and give each a different color
Draw beautiful pictures with chalk on the sidewalk
I'll just stand here watching them outline a man's body on the sidewalk
Tune in at six I'll be on the evening news
It's nothing new
I'm beside all the fallen bodies Hoping some change fell loose
For someone to win another has to lose
I don't mind that you love life
I just don't understand why mine has to be like it is
Lord I accept I'll never win but why do I have to be so far behind
Would it hurt if I could tie one time
Am I'm not worth a decent life
They say we die when you call our name
Must have stopped halfway through mine
Atleast tell me why you bless some and seem to ignore the rest
Do you need help
Did you go blind
Do I need to sell my soul
Anybody please tell me why a fourteen year old has suffered so much
Why am I asking people who could careless
You think I like asking for a hand out
Yeah I smell and I'm *****
I'm hungry too
I guess the only way to win is committing the ultimate sin
Appeciate any feedback
Steve Sep 23
Hate comes from ignorance
Anger comes from pain
Heartbreak is the result of lies
Love begins with **** then held on to by hope
Loneliness is much more then being alone
While death starts at birth
Ones birth cause another ones death

Breakup can only happen after hooking up
Perfection means never having to say sorry
But we are so far from perfect
We hookup after breaking up but never make up
It's insane cause we expect it to be different without change
I'm here so you can push blame
Your here just till you find another way

I love the same whether rich or broke
Make love on the change before we roll it up
Turn ***** money clean again with a warning to the teller
Might want to wash your hands
I walk out just in time to see you skipping off with a new man
Catch up as he opens the door for you
Hand you half and you just laugh
He let's me know you'll be ok
Before that door on that rolls can close
I tossed it on  your lap
You may not need it now but you will when you want to come back
I take my forty two fifty and drunk it up
Getting woken up up the sound of a slamming door
A voice ask what are you in for
I guess you could say for falling in love , yourself ?
I stole a rolls royce

Officer can I make my phone call
Thanks for reading. Any feedback is appeciated
Steve Sep 18
This wasn't the planned ending
Know it's unexpected
Kinda surprised myself
Thought I had a few more years left
I'm not going to lie and say I'm sorry
I didn't quit on life
My finish line just wasn't as far
Endings and beginnings
No two are the same
It's not selfish on my part
It's my life to call
Don't be angry and I promise everything will be alright

I admire how you live
I respect everything about you
Stayed away from the trap
Always there with a hand when I fell in
I never planned on being controlled
By the time I seen it
The addiction was out of control
I didn't deserve you
You never deserved what I put you through
Wanted you to be proud to be by my side
I wanted to stop completely
Each relapse killed a part of me
I just hope I didn't completely shatter your heart
I pray that you love again
Don't fight moving on
Let me be part of your past
Your to strong to let this weaken you
Never doubt how much I love you
You were my everything

If I could ask one last thing
Cremate me and spread my ashes
Half in the ocean with Scott
Half with my mom and dad
No need for a service
Who needs people acting like they will miss me
It's been four years so life insurance is good
Suicide is covered after two
The papers are in the bottom drawer
Under the cards you have given me
Take the money and spend it without guilt
If possible I'll always be looking down on you

Goodbye my beautiful wife
Thank you for always being my best friend
I love you
Feedback is welcome
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