Steve 1d
I been pacing forty five mins
Shes has me waiting
I'm doing that don't **** on yourself dance
Till finally the door swings open
Standing in a towel with the water running
Tells me to hurry she still needs to shower
As I wash my hands I catch a glimpse of me in the mirror
Walk out with my head down so she don't see my eyes
I act busy as she does her make up
Trying hard not to stare
So beautiful
This is to hard
By the time she's done the closest is empty
Clothes cover the bed
When she ask how do I look
I whisper gorgeous as I drop my head
Now I'm locked in the bathroom
Asking myself what went wrong
Nothing hurts more then watching her get ready when I know it's not me she's getting ready for
All feedback welcome
Steve Oct 8
Shot out and brain damaged
A paranoid loose cannon
One who if breathing is one who is high
Started early and by early I mean before I could open my eyes
Floor still covered in my mess as I begin having withdraws
A crackhead mom sharing through my umbilical cord
Now two fiends alone rocking back and forth
Easier to let a baby taste the stem then listen to a baby cry
Your mother made sure you was fed
Filled your head with knowledge and heart with love
Mine pushed my swing while giving head to get our fix
Each doing what they knew
While you were getting ready for your first day of school
I was packing waiting on mine who finished serving time
Kiss your dad goodnight
While I lock the door from my mothers  friends
You kneel and pray to say thanks for how blessed you are
I silently cry out loud asking why
Tomorrow is another chance to make a change
But I know we both will wake to the samething
Me to nothing and you to a good breakfast
Oh you thought I meant the same same thing
No I live in reality
No man can turn nothing into something
Get your friends and give each a different color
Draw beautiful pictures with chalk on the sidewalk
I'll just stand here watching them outline a man's body on the sidewalk
Tune in at six I'll be on the evening news
It's nothing new
I'm beside all the fallen bodies Hoping some change fell loose
For someone to win another has to lose
I don't mind that you love life
I just don't understand why mine has to be like it is
Lord I accept I'll never win but why do I have to be so far behind
Would it hurt if I could tie one time
Am I'm not worth a decent life
They say we die when you call our name
Must have stopped halfway through mine
Atleast tell me why you bless some and seem to ignore the rest
Do you need help
Did you go blind
Do I need to sell my soul
Anybody please tell me why a fourteen year old has suffered so much
Why am I asking people who could careless
You think I like asking for a hand out
Yeah I smell and I'm *****
I'm hungry too
I guess the only way to win is committing the ultimate sin
Appeciate any feedback
Steve Sep 23
Hate comes from ignorance
Anger comes from pain
Heartbreak is the result of lies
Love begins with **** then held on to by hope
Loneliness is much more then being alone
While death starts at birth
Ones birth cause another ones death

Breakup can only happen after hooking up
Perfection means never having to say sorry
But we are so far from perfect
We hookup after breaking up but never make up
It's insane cause we expect it to be different without change
I'm here so you can push blame
Your here just till you find another way

I love the same whether rich or broke
Make love on the change before we roll it up
Turn ***** money clean again with a warning to the teller
Might want to wash your hands
I walk out just in time to see you skipping off with a new man
Catch up as he opens the door for you
Hand you half and you just laugh
He let's me know you'll be ok
Before that door on that rolls can close
I tossed it on  your lap
You may not need it now but you will when you want to come back
I take my forty two fifty and drunk it up
Getting woken up up the sound of a slamming door
A voice ask what are you in for
I guess you could say for falling in love , yourself ?
I stole a rolls royce

Officer can I make my phone call
Thanks for reading. Any feedback is appeciated
Steve Sep 18
This wasn't the planned ending
Know it's unexpected
Kinda surprised myself
Thought I had a few more years left
I'm not going to lie and say I'm sorry
I didn't quit on life
My finish line just wasn't as far
Endings and beginnings
No two are the same
It's not selfish on my part
It's my life to call
Don't be angry and I promise everything will be alright

I admire how you live
I respect everything about you
Stayed away from the trap
Always there with a hand when I fell in
I never planned on being controlled
By the time I seen it
The addiction was out of control
I didn't deserve you
You never deserved what I put you through
Wanted you to be proud to be by my side
I wanted to stop completely
Each relapse killed a part of me
I just hope I didn't completely shatter your heart
I pray that you love again
Don't fight moving on
Let me be part of your past
Your to strong to let this weaken you
Never doubt how much I love you
You were my everything

If I could ask one last thing
Cremate me and spread my ashes
Half in the ocean with Scott
Half with my mom and dad
No need for a service
Who needs people acting like they will miss me
It's been four years so life insurance is good
Suicide is covered after two
The papers are in the bottom drawer
Under the cards you have given me
Take the money and spend it without guilt
If possible I'll always be looking down on you

Goodbye my beautiful wife
Thank you for always being my best friend
I love you
Feedback is welcome
Steve Sep 14
Flip flops or barefoot
Virginia Slim
Three Musketeer
Long thick hair
Blue eyes
And a beautiful soul

Seven months had gone by
About 214 days
175 sick
The rest not to bad
Chemo took it's toll
Ran her down
Had her drained
Never wondered why me
Always kept a smile
Even when the battle was for her life
She been through so much
It's no surprise she never gave up
None of us knew
This was new to us
We took remission as a win
Fight over
No rematch
Mom raise your hands
A proven champion

Back to life
How it use to be
All smiles making plans
Had a follow up late November
Still remember her deep cleaning the day before
Not a spot untouched  
No ***** clothes
Dinner cooked for two nights
Never one to have a purse so I remember thinking
Why is she carrying a bag
I never asked but I think she knew
The beast came back to life
Showing no  mercy
Ran rapid through her body
Before I could ask
Her look gave me my answer

Chemo wasn't a option
Neither was praying to a ***
Natural medicine and marijuana were useless
We all stood around confused and just as useless
She made it back home early December
Took a week but made her list
First year she didn't go so we went searching
Seen the hurt when she couldn't get out of bed on Christmas
Held on to see the year 2k
Ninety six hours later she closed her eyes one last time
My hasn't been dry since

Flip flops or barefoot...
I love you mom
Steve Sep 12
My kid felt death before it's birth
From his mothers stomach to a body bag
Once in awhile I'll pull out his first shirt
White with green letters that read I'M HERE
Pricetag still hangs from the sleeve
Their was no reason why
My first try would be my last try
Twenty years has gone by without a second chance for a offspring
Look around at these men running from their child
Fold it and put it away as I think
Deaty never takes just one life

My father lived sixteen years after he died
Passing sixteen years and eight months from the day my mother was laid to rest
Five days into the new year
First time I seen two hearts become one
First time I realized that love can cause so much pain
Cancer took their life
I say their cause death took more then my mom that January night

Two kids found humor in bullying the elderly  
Run by giving a shove
Bruises, scrapes and broken hips were the outcome
Till the last day of last year
New years eve night and they had the third victim in sight
Steps away when someone yelled out STOP
They got shook and panicked
One went right
My nephew went straight
Bus driver slammed both feet on the left
He was two hours shy of his 14th birthday
I'm not sure how long the driver cried that night
But I know he took his life the day after my brother in law ended his

Always to soon
Always at a bad time
Never gives and always takes more then just one
Appeciate feedback
Steve Sep 9
Two am and I'm wide awake
Pacing the floor beside a bed I once shared with a woman that use to love me
Now it sits cold and empty
Dark mental images keep me from sleep
So I grab my phone to release the pain
Try to make words rhyme to post them online
Maybe impress a few strangers
Pray at least one hits like
So I can feel like I'm worth more then nothing

Mixing liquor and coke
One shot chased with two lines
Label it poetry but to me...
This is my heart bleeding
Asking what if while reliving the past making bad memories reignite the flame
On the same road I spent half my life on
Four hundred and sixty nine pairs of shoes I have worn out on broken lane
Shed more tears then three oceans could hold
Wonder aloud why I still ask questions When I been waiting on answers since 99
The cherry from these Marlboro reds is the only light ahead of me
Been secluded so long I ******* hate me
Man life just loves to ******* me
Tried of being on the downside of the bright side
If this is to dark I'm sorry but it's all I been allowed to know
You holy father took most of my family
And that ***** I mentioned in the second line stole the rest from me
Jesus Christ what do you have aginest me...

I'm sorry Lord please forgive me
Truth is i changed in ways that makes me ashamed
No longer the man of yesteryear
To look at me now you would never believe the greatest woman to ever be raised me
Am I to lost to find the real me
Selfish ******* look how many lines end with me
It wasn't you that cancer killed
You ever fell asleep just to never wake again
You know about bring bedridden while your body decides to slowly fade away
Be honest with yourself
Do you blame her for taking the kids away
Turned this house into a **** hole
Preach you want change but afraid to take that step
Who can live when their lying to their self
My advice is ...
If you tired of this downhill road
Turn your *** around
Fight the battle that leads to higher ground
If that's to much then carry on
Find a spot and dig your hole
We don't need the dead walking around up here
Welcome all feedback
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