Cycles
by Michael R. Burch

I see his eyes caress my daughter’s *******
through her thin cotton dress,
and how an indiscreet strap of her white bra
holds his bald fingers
in fumbling mammalian awe . . .

And I remember long cycles into the bruised dusk
of a distant park,
hot blushes,
wild, disembodied rushes of blood,
portentous intrusions of lips, tongues and fingers . . .

and now in him the memory of me lingers
like something thought rancid,
proved rotten.
I see Another again—hard, staring, and silent—
though long-ago forgotten . . .

And I remember conjectures of ***** lines,
brief flashes of white down bleacher stairs,
coarse patches of hair glimpsed in bathroom mirrors,
all the odd, questioning stares . . .

Yes, I remember it all now,
and I shoo them away,
willing them not to play too long or too hard
in the back yard—
with a long, ineffectual stare

that years from now, he may suddenly remember.

Keywords/Tags: cycles, youth, puberty, teenagers, ***, lust, desire, daughter, father, chastity, virginity, abstinence

I am a dichotomy
Caught between the best of me
And what feels like what’s left of me
After years of insecurity
I am caught in a dichotomy
Wondering if you’re using me
Or if you’ll set me free
I want to believe that you’re good for me but
I can only see the warning signs caught in between the breaths I meant to breathe
I am at war
I don’t know if I can count my trauma amongst the casualties
Or if they remain my true enemy
An enemy like darkness, like you, a vacuum which absorbs all light but the rays needed to illuminate your face
Because around you I am blind
Stumbling through broken words and empty lines
Searching for meaning with no concept of time
I am merely painting signs in the hopes that this time you’ll see
Because it’s too dark and the air around you is hard to breathe
But the pain is bittersweet
With each inhale brings recovery
And each exhale lets me find release
I am bound and I am free
I am confident and also weak
I am brave but I am cowardly
I am a dichotomy
Because within me lies more complexity
Then simple character traits which are assigned to me
I will not be chained to simplicity
Another nobody screaming into a void of uncertainty
Because I am a dichotomy
You cannot contain me
I defy reasoning
I have the power to unleash words like demons and in the same breath profess love and if you’re listening
You know that
I am more than a man, I am an idea
An idea that maybe the greatest power is found in dichotomy
A dichotomy like you and me
Through the darkness and the light we proceed
Because we were never one without the other
In this dichotomy we believe
In this prison we are free
Encaptured by the dichotomy of you and me.

Every morning I microwave myself

Reheating stale words on my lips

As I shuffle toward the inevitable

Sleep that never quite takes

In the vain hope that tomorrow

There exists a new "me"

Who is finally ready to become

I used to think contentment was the thing to live for
To make a life of
It made sense,
I don’t know why

I do,
It was because of you.
Because in this decade of love that is coming to an end

I looked for everything of purpose in you
Then I found myself & thought we were so much of the same

Then I realized it was a fantasy & it wasn’t a game  

It took me so long

There was so much confusion much less delusion

I feel as though I’m slowly finally letting go
I just can’t keep running back to a thought that isn’t going to help me grow

I’m sorry & I hope there’s no resentment because this hurts me just as much
& I know it’s absurd but please
would you please still let me in  

Can we find new purpose
Because I feel as though we need much more & I still stand by what I’ve said
I just feel like living is much more than just being content