I never thought
I could be the one you'd choose.
I never knew I had so much to lose.
I never thought
I'd be the one to say goodbye.
I never thought
that I could make you cry.
But then I died.

do you remember when we went to the mountains?
yeah, it was an awful trip, and nothing went right
at the end, when it was over, do you remember?
we were packing up our desert igloo to leave it all behind us
you were coordinating our friends loading the truck
it was so stressful, and everyone was tired and cranky
the trip did not go how anyone wanted

I was getting more and more frustrated and you could tell
you came over and asked me what I needed
this is where it gets good, do you remember?
I looked up at you and I could not find the words
I was so overwhelmed; I did not know what I needed
so, you just hugged me
it was exactly what I needed
perfect, safe, home

I looked up to thank you and then
I saw you. for the first time in a while, I saw you.
did you feel the change? do you remember?

soft footsteps in my ears
a melodic pain, in my head
her gaze at my back
and her hand
on my shoulders

and so, death sits
next to me,
keeping me company

and so, death weeps and laughs,
it's driving me mad.
her hazy cries and whimpers;
they're tearing me apart

she mimics my gait
i'm losing my faith
i'm starting to steep,
i've never been so weak

He asked her this one question.

She, beside him, curled up in her small frame. Knees tucked to her chest, pink lips, and coffee stained teeth, she smiled small.

"I've been asked this question by many," she says, "And I've always said things like someone's voice, or the way they held me. Maybe it was their laugh or the way my heart ached when I smelled their t-shirts at night.
You, though, will always leave me with an unanswered question.
I don't know why I love you but for some reason, my heart will whisper your name when I'm too intimate with a bottle pressed to my lips.
When the tears I cry are warm from the sound of your voice when it pours through the videos we've laughed in.
I don't think I love you but my heart does. Maybe that's why my mind cannot think of any reasons because you lie in my chest where it aches the most."

"Cry," I tell her.
My arms surround her curled body.
"It's alright."
One day,
when you have wept your final tear,
you will come upon that pool,
that contained every tear,
from every disappointment,
every betrayal,
every heartbreak.
And you will look down into it,
seeing your reflection alone.
"Only then will you have realized the necessity of your pain."

my tears
my dear
where will go from here.

Some people call me lazy, They think im being daft.
They say i cant be bothered, that im sitting on my ***.
They say im being distant, Not picking up my phone and pretending not to hear them shout when walking out alone.

They say that i looked happy, like i didnt have a care, when i was dancing on the tables drinks spilling everywhere.
I find it all to easy to hide the way i feel, pretending im not lonely when there's people everywhere. I make myself the center hoping that they dont see, all of the anxiety thats been building up in me.

The problem i have is hard to see, its hidden in my personality, it pulls at my emotions, makes me want to flee i hope this poem helps you see.
It feeds on my fears makes me want to hide, they call it depression, now im trying not to cry.
Every days a struggle, everything i do is hard. Man i feel like such a ******.

So closing this poem the only way i know how is to thank all my loved ones all over the world. You've always been there even when im a prat or or needed to call just for a chat. I love you all dearly i hope you can see just how much you all mean to me.