I’m writing this for me as much as I’m writing it for you.

Honey, this poem might be a hit or just loads of *******.

They say it’s best to have loved and lost, than never loved at all. But is that true?
With that said, do you remember your now dead bestie? Of course you do.
Do you remember when you came to school all blue?
Remember when I thought you would make me say adieu?
Thinking it was time for goodbye.
Oh boy didn’t you make me cry.

You keep saying that I don’t get it.
you are so stubborn that of convincing you of the opposite I quit.

Don’t ask me to explain.
All I know is that with every experience you gain, with every pain you go through you seem to drain.
All I know is that people think that your  cries of help are a brat’s way to complain.

You say that you are not special.
And with your own depression you wrestle .
Yet you believe that you are the only one going through this existential crisis.

I don’t want to sound superficial or artificial the thing is everyone is special, thus being special is the ordinary, the initial, the unofficial official.
It’s just a matter of who will find their potential before they become celestial.

....

Time trickles from my upturned palms
In streams of oil and water
I’ve been trying so intently
To stop it
I haven’t had a moment to spend on anything else

I know that when we meet  
A lifetime will pass in a second
But somehow I’ll revel in the light and the darkness
Like the flickering of rapidly turned pages

I want someone to come and save me.
I wish for someone to come and save me from myself.
I hope that someone comes and saves me. I hope.

Cause I’m my self’s worst enemy.
Cause I can be my own nemesis.
But not my own savior. Not that. That I cannot be.

I cannot be Him. I don’t believe. Don’t know how to.
To be honest I never learned how to do so.
Faith. That’s what’s been missing from my life all along.

Intellectual by nature. A child of science. A lazy philosopher chatting mindlessly endlessly about anything.
A mixture of perverse logic coupled with an over-the-fence sexuality.
That’s who I am. That IS my history. An animal of society. Someone out of control.

Some nights, I lay here waiting God to take my soul as I drift to sleep.
And others I make a mess out of myself and of others through my outrageous behavior.
Never being sensible. Always a step beyond what other people think of me. Surprise! Gotcha.

Things got so messed up for me since the day I was born here. Trauma. Confusion. Questions. Crisis.
Don’t know who I am. Don’t know who I want to be. Don’t know anything.
Who can solve the everlasting mystery of my life if not me?? Exactly. Nobody can and nobody will.

I have no destination or grounding point in life. I’m so lost. Oh God help me!
Don’t know how to put the leftover pieces of my broken self, back together again.
I’m ****** to live a life of misery and a life of mystery. An endless dark meaningless (I’m tempted to say) black hole in my heart surrounded by supernovas and neutron stars.

Who can fix me? Who can put me back together? Who can make me feel whole again?
Cause I don’t know a **** thing. I never knew. Even if my mouth moved a lot in the past.
Now who can save me? Does anybody can? Do you? Huh? I’m talking to you brother!!

“I can and will save you. My child you have no other option but to walk the righteous path once again.
You will see. You will begin to breathe again. You will begin to feel alive once again.
You will at last get to know how it is to be a part of this marvelous universe”

Empty promises! Hollow words! Half-hearted remnants of an old man’s monologue!!
Who are you to speak my destiny? God?? Show yourself! You imbecile!
How do you dare to question the tentacle-like hands that mother fate has put on my predetermined future???

I never was anybody! I am not anybody! I ‘m just nobody and I don’t want to be something more!
My existence gets verified by my low self-esteem. I want nothing more. This is enough for me!
Leave me alone! There’s only one thing I hope though. “I hope that someone finds me and saves me before it’s too late.”

Ann M Johnson ( Note,Oct 2015, original copy)
On The Day the Earth Stood Still (revised 2020)
The Market crashed as the people dashed
   All the banks closed down
   the people frowned
   Natural disasters were all around
   Stock brokers quite literally took a dive
Sickness abounds
   Many people died
   On the day the earth stood still

    The daily grind
     The worry over bills
      Was replaced with the need to just survive
       Some people rioted just to get something to eat
       On the day the earth stood still
        
       Some people screamed
        While others cried
         Some people looked down looking for someone to blame
Some people selfishness stood out hoarded things others need
         Still others looked outward and sought ways to help out
        Some people banded together to keep each other and their neighbors alive
        Some people looked up
       While some people prayed for wisdom for themselves and others
        to get through this trial
        Some people looked within only and felt all alone
        Still others thought of this as a test of their will
        On The Day The Earth Stood Still
        
         I wonder if we were faced with this crisis
         would we stand together
         or fall apart ?
         perhaps the answer is found already in our hearts
         If we are lacking a strong network of family and friends
          Now is the time to start
          We don't want to be found slacking if the world falls apart
                     Sometimes things happen in a blink of an eye

the government
is not
your enemy
but
yourself

Unity is needed in time of crisis,
We can beat this virus.
We need to trust than to doubt,
Don't let negativity surround.
We need to hold on,
Until it is gone.

In times of crisis
We’re all a bit lifeless
this Corona virus
Spreading minus bias

Isolated from all
government protocol  
So I sit, and I scrawl
head to wall, long haul

I get it... I do.
I fear my mind will stew
Clinging to screws
“Don’t come loose”

But to be sincere
Only one thing is clear  
Can’t wait to see’r
I need her near

Waves of sadness
Two metre madness
A Surprising vastness
Our towns a blank canvas

In times of of crisis
We rely on kindness
And I’m indecisive
But right now priceless

Our mobile devices  
...****

Abort mission, reboot, we’ve lost control
Where are the procedures, refresh the protocol!
It seems like this civilization has been deemed unstable
Question is, are we really competent and able
To protect our planet and all that we hold dear
No, we ain’t, unless, under duress, we fear.

This coronavirus was like a bull in a china shop
We were concerned about constantly being over the top
Performance, marketing, scales, and stakeholders
It seems we need to revise the strategy, dear readers.

So what now? Are we going to slow down and ponder?
On what we have to give up and offer to manage humanity
Or keep on being obtuse, dollar-oriented and benighted?
Decide to see inside ourselves and stand united?

‘Cause, guess what? When life as we know it will end
It isn’t the green note that you desperately clutch in your hand
That will save you from illnesses, grief, and sadness
Thus: We have to seek the pursuit of happiness
Which will always prevail, keep on smiling to the new day
All this frenzy will appease itself and soon be at bay…

Nancy, March, 30, 2020. Written from 12:03pm to 12:40pm

The news broke into his place
when he was less prepared.
It entered through the window

like a common thief
took that which was most precious:
all his future dreams,

far and dark
in the mystical place of the deep.
It hurts

as if you squeezed the ice-skating rink
frozen he goes,
undetectable to the eye.

Commuting next to you,
in 25 D, from Banbury to Birmingham,
for him, is not a breeze.