Many days and many nights I couldn’t reach catharsis.
Narcissistic dialogue and lust was how it started.
Lust for power,
Lust for ***,
I balanced on the wire.
Built my tower,
Learned to flex,
Never thought I’d tire.
While looking for a diamond crown I made my way to glory:
Carved a track through youthful bliss all while writing my own story.
From troubled teen
To filled with dreams,
I formed the squad into a team.
I wouldn’t scream when things got tough;
I’d always keep composure.
Intelligent with malevolence
Was how I’d learned to soldier.
No disclosure,
Never trust,
Looking to manipulate.
Made it known
It was a must
For opponents to capitulate.
Things were moving well enough
When dear old lust in whom we trust…
Reappeared back on the scene,
And of my feathers
Began to preen.

So,

Doubled down,
Went for the crown.
Changed the crew,
Time it flew.
Golden status
Seemed so near,
But red and blue
Were in the mirror
News had spread;
My walls were breached.
Of loss I had no knowledge.
Prison bread;
Amongst the freaks.
Twenty-five for living lawless.
For God had turned and dealt a blow
For all of those bad seeds I’d sewed.
And blow for blow
In social woe
I’ve lived my life in shackles.

I drive fast down the road goodbye you too slow
I glide past round and go and try you too slow
This ride you rode I drive so fast you know
I throw rocks over the ones around
I drive fast speed limits are for clowns
I etch black marks into the ground
I made more last week look down
Make my mark get the cops
They chase me down like black ops
I the boss they the hoss
Chase me down city streets
I run forever they better leave
Donuts for you reward for me
I nuts but this war is won by me
Come check if they alive
I gone I just drive
Won't stop chase me down
Other side of town
Stop and break I have fun
Cops and haters I just run
Traffic stop pull the gun
Just kidding I already won
And be warned I never done
Stare at the sun either way you are stunned
Get the ticket pay the funds
Steer the wheel now I spun
Spin around continue to run
Catch if you can chance of one
How many cuffed oh that's right none
I drive fast down the road goodbye you too slow
I glide past round and go and try you too slow
This ride you rode I drive so fast you know
I throw rocks over the ones around
I drive fast speed limits are for clowns
I etch black marks into the ground
I made more last week look down
Need for speed I need some air
Windows down breathe in I dare
Wind blow your hair I just stare
Road ahead no crash I just dash safe
Aye
The wing on the back a fixed cape
Clown the rice don't even start
Superman of cars, the car a fake
Look at me I am the star
Drive swift but it ain't far
Paint **** ain't up to par
Loud as hell get in the car
Put your head down no window tint
Roof is glass panoramic whip
I drive this way please get the hint
Enjoy this ride for once your ride is ****
Aye Aye Yeah Yeah
I drive fast down the road goodbye you too slow
I glide past round and throw come try you too slow
This ride you rode I drive so fast you know
I throw rocks over the ones around
I drive fast speed limits for clowns
I etch black marks into the ground
I made more last week look down

room full of smoke

i didn't know beds could be this comfortable
i didn't know you could be this sweet
i didn't know a lot of things before hitting that blunt

but you showed me everything

you showed me another world that i've never seen
you showed me the beauty i didn't know i had
you showed me pleasure i didn't know existed

but you scared me

you drove 40 miles over the limit
you handed me a gun that still had a bullet in it
you wrapped your hand around my throat and squeezed

and i'm scared because...
i loved it.
i've never met that side of me.

Black boy stripped of his innocence.
Black boy denied his right to be a kid.
Black boy labeled since birth.
Black boy criminalized.
Black boy stereotyped.
Black boy violated.
Black boy silenced.
Black boy monitored.
Black boy put into a box.
Black boy seen as a menace.
Black boy forced to grow too fast.
Black boy with his back to the world.
Black boy, you are loved
Black boy, you are a prince
Black boy, you are beautiful
Black boy, you are smart and worthy.
Black boy, go on and speak your truth.
Black boy, go on and dance.
Black boy, go on and sing.
Black boy, go on and paint.
Black boy, go on and be a kid.

PTSD is a form
Of stress, anxiety, and worry
It is not a flipping
Excuse to
Act like animal
So criminals grow up
And admit you faults
Cause this is
******* me off.

i wake up
distressed,
unable to
shake the
fear away
that lingers
in my head,
but i don’t
face the
nightmare,
I just lay
in bed.

Turmoil, breathing fast
Shackles of a sinful past
Run, you idiot, run
All you can do since you've been outgunned
That ought to teach you a lesson
You might grow, but there are parasites in the world of indiscretion
Shouldn't have revealed so much to her
Some things ought to never be unearthed
So now you run from the baddies
That's the cost of for once feeling you might be happy

I could be a criminal hunting for your heart
But before that happens, before I spoke
You blinded me with your dirt

I could be a criminal hunting for your heart
But before I could make a move
You picked a dagger and cut off my shirt

I could be a criminal hunting for your heart
But before I try to hold the dagger
You jammed the wheels of the cart

6/22/19

I committed no crime,
So why then do I run?
Maybe I’ve run out of time,
And I can’t stand to be outdone.

As I run, I leave clues,
To divert anyone who stalks.
Random things like clews,
I’ve changed basic characteristics.

Maybe I’m bad at leaving ’em, unless
The detectives are bad at reading.
But they find me nonetheless,
As I try to explain this misunderstanding.

I argue my case – innocence,
They are not convinced.
I plead guilty – acquiescence,
They pick up on the nuanced.

Why is everything backwards?
No one understands me.
Headache and confusion afterwards,
With me no one seems to agree.

But then the detective joins me,
They don’t turn me in.
I can’t grasp it, should I flee?
My emotional reserve, dried like a raisin.