Many days and many nights I couldn’t reach catharsis. Narcissistic dialogue and lust was how it started. Lust for power, Lust for ***, I balanced on the wire. Built my tower, Learned to flex, Never thought I’d tire. While looking for a diamond crown I made my way to glory: Carved a track through youthful bliss all while writing my own story. From troubled teen To filled with dreams, I formed the squad into a team. I wouldn’t scream when things got tough; I’d always keep composure. Intelligent with malevolence Was how I’d learned to soldier. No disclosure, Never trust, Looking to manipulate. Made it known It was a must For opponents to capitulate. Things were moving well enough When dear old lust in whom we trust… Reappeared back on the scene, And of my feathers Began to preen.
Doubled down, Went for the crown. Changed the crew, Time it flew. Golden status Seemed so near, But red and blue Were in the mirror News had spread; My walls were breached. Of loss I had no knowledge. Prison bread; Amongst the freaks. Twenty-five for living lawless. For God had turned and dealt a blow For all of those bad seeds I’d sewed. And blow for blow In social woe I’ve lived my life in shackles.
Among our bouts of adolescence Lies a fire deep, its kindled presence Enough to start a war on naught For war was all we ever wrought Upon this Earth. We yearned to change Their rules that lie, that rearrange. We rose to see our efforts fail And mightiest supporters fell. So now we lie in iron chains To rot away whilst our foe gains. Both pedigree we put to shame And allies free, who saw us lame.
In years of darkness, brooding thought Had tortured us. We sorely bought Our lives away through sundry act Instead of holding nation’s back: Oblivious to horizon’s edge, Unable to see beyond law’s pledge. Complete with shame, at prison’s leave We traveled home to sadly grieve On unjust scars our souls have made. We left our past to slowly fade… But still, we lack our rightful place While sovereigns rule our lives to waste.
Tears drown my cheeks as the brisk air caresses my chin The unerring coercion calls itself home This vice-ly steel; these foreign teeth the man beside me asks "who were you" I answer "I was a lot of things."
So many things the eyes were no meant to see very many tales ears weren't meant to hear reeking stench the nose was not meant to smell a million stuff the tongue wasn't meant to taste but because of this heart no longer sings the world's in ecstasy no more inspiration wells it's no more joy living here we're a babel, Chinese and French we've turned universe into Hell Humanity's rough, survival's tough to nowhere we're going in haste chained ourselves, lost the keys
If you stare out of a window Across a bleak garden some September morning If the neem tree in the garden reminds you of home Vast, old, timeless If you remember playing under a neem tree in Allahabad And you can almost hear the laughter of children as they play In the heat of a sultry afternoon in June And because the window is small and barred and cannot open Because you want to breathe freedom Because you want to shower without them watching Because you silently swallow your screams Because your mind is starting to get fuzzy Because your tongue is starting to slur Because you have started drooling Because your fingers shake when you write Because the words Ritalin Prozac Depakote Lithium Have started sounding like poetry Because you feel your resistance slowly dying Because you start to say the words they want to hear Because you know the glazed look in the eyes of others Is in your eyes too Because this confluence of muscle and bone is wasting Because you sleep for hours Because you now smile at your doctors Because you scream when the ECT paraphernalia is wheeled in Because no one cares Because once you’re labeled, you will be forever Because asylums were once freak shows Because asylum is not what it means You go back to staring Staring Staring Staring Staring Staring Staring Staring