LIFE

Down from the *****
I saw the steps
I thought
Were, the steps
To my calling.
All that mattered
Was, to believe.

When calendars
Churned out unending numbers.
And the process
Repeating in cycles
Of rippling rhythm,
When
The ripples flattened out,
And the rhythm turned silent,
Realization set in.
It was blind faith all along,
That belied convictions.

The first step of yore,
Had become the last one now.
And ahead once again,
The ***** reveals itself,
Winding down
I not know whither,
But I know this
That am bound thither.

They watch my lavish fall
Hungrily
Lips gnashing together
Grinding teeth in anticipation
Its the only sound I hear
As I slip through the abyss

I blame them
partly
With their eyes scanning upwards
Fixated on the throne
Waiting for the day
They’ll look down on the rest of us

Now today has arrived
And they marvel in what I’ve become
What I've lost
Who am I now
Surely not this creature
Cracked mask on a sunken ship

Blood streams from my temples
Tormenting thoughts cannot be contained
In the mere encompass of my mind
They hug the curve of my cheekbones
And slip on my lower lip

Inviting me to speak them
Inviting me to scream them

All while the parasite keeps digging
Tunnelling deeper and deeper
Up the underbelly of my wrist

I'm going up the hill again,
The top is my destination,
Confronted with fleeting dreams of mesmerization,
The sky is clear but it feels like rain, soil gone too,
down the drain,

I've been here before, I can feel it,
Imprints of my feet, the ground steals it,
The sky is a blue hue I do not recognize
The stars look more like flies

I approach the top and something feels off,
Stress, anxiety, and vertigo on top,
I inhale but no relief comes,
Gravity is not for friends or fun,

I get the top and I can see the sky,
For a moment I feel like I can fly,
But I realize my deja vu the lack of serenity,
I'm at the bottom in an endless journey,

For every second step was erroneous,
             I thought I'd reach a new height
of understa……….

Then I'd decline to a lower point
                     of where I was before.

Never gaining enough elevation to
see past the predicament I find myself
           causally stepping forth upon..

Felling like Sisyphus, always trying to
gain a truth only to find out that a step
            could make me fall more than before.

Only wanting to climb this ladder of life,
       but deceit and snakes keep me from
gaining
              ground...

Life is a ladder and some runs are always precarious,
   do we step lightly, or do we tread upon the next to
only find that it was the broken one..

Now the oxygen is thin
and bodies lay in snow-capped caves
we'e weighted down by heavy lids
carrying today's rations
and yesterday's burden

one of your breaths is three of mine
sleeping as easy as seeing
in white-outs too far up
nowhere is warm anymore
and we're telling tales of altitude sickness
while coughing into our sleeves.

she yells from the bottom of a well,
thinking someone will hear her.
no one does, so she climbs.

as she's climbing, she hears a voice
that voice sends her tumbling
toward the bottom of the well.

she yells until she can't anymore
bursts into tears, curls up into a ball -
and desperately wants to be heard.

I've seen good.
I've seen great.
I've seen love.
I've seen hate.
I've seen fire.
I've seen rain.
I've seen joy.
I've seen pain.
I've seen a lot in my time.
But just once, I'd like to feel it all
Before I reach the end
Of this mountain climb.