i'm sorry,
i'm just really sorry
for chasing you
and holding your hand
when you turn away
and for hugging you
from behind when
you don't even want me.

*i'm sorry//

As occasional insomniacs may know
There are certain sounds that only occur past midnight
When everything is still
They awaken…
Scuttling and skittering
along hardwood floors
Crackling, creaking
the sounds of a settling house
Tapping, rapping
from inside the walls
the sudden rush of motion
on a deserted street
someone’s chasing
always chasing
no time for sleep
Then you, enveloped in starlight
You entangled in sheets
Maybe hidden under your duvet
Maybe staring out your window
into the night

Bye bye Boy, I'm done with regret
I know we haven't even met
But I'm turning a new leaf
And you best believe
This is gonna be a brand new beginning
A new way to experience my poetry

Hello Girl, hey, where you goin?
Walkin off like she thinks she's Lindsay Lohan
I ain't done yet! And you can bet
You don't wanna turn that new leaf
Without me
Cuz time is a thief
Oh YOU can walk off, stomp off and cuss
But all you REALLY wanna experience
.....Is us

Hey there little Boy,
First off..  Lindsay?
She's got nothing on me
Secondly...
Where you come off acting all cocky?
Like you actually know me
I'll walk away if I **** well please
Look at you
Smiling
Like you think I won't do it
Have you never met a poet?
I'll walk, no I'll run...  
Drip this ink I got for bullets
Out of my gun
On this page
Just for fun

Hold up, now anybody could see
That even YOU had enough
Sense to spell Boy
With a BIG B
And I DO know YOU
And you CAN walk away this is TRUE
It's cool
Cuz all I'ma do
Is follow you
Follow you
Till you don't run no more
Just let me get my feet in the door
And what you got guns out for?
Girl, I'm a lover not a fighter
A man whose heart burns with desire
Stop all this walking, all this running
PLEASE sit DOWN!
How do you KNOW I don't deserve your hearts CROWN?

Fine then boy,
Maybe I just like being chased
But seriously, stop wasting my time
I run even faster when love is on the line
Love = Heartbreak
I've learned that a time or two
I'm not gonna get my self tore up
Over the likes of You
Boy...  Can't you just see
I'm through
Done with the misery
I'm not gonna sit down
I Am gonna run away
Trust me...
You don't really want me to stay
I'm gonna get out my gun,
Use the ink I have for bullets
Start writing down my misery
In tiny poetic fragments
Hoping you can't really see
All my disappointments

I'm sorry,
I'm sorry that someone,
A LOT of someones, got here before me
And they hurt you and I'm sure I don't know WHAT you've been through
But don't you at least wanna TRY?
You really gonna tell me you can't SEE that in my eyes
That PASSION, that LOVE
I always heard that love was ENOUGH
And I got your BACK on your writing
Cuz I know it EASES your pain
We'll have a lifetime together,
Hold on, let me explain
I KNOW what you WANT
What you WANT is FOREVER
And to do it like that ..
We're gonna HAVE to be clever
Sometimes the ONLY way to be BROKEN
Is
*BROKEN TOGETHER

Moving ever slowly, its reach getting ever so closely. Breath gasping in halves. Hands shaking as you run in paths. Moving but never going. Creeping but never fully showing. Fear as you knowing this game is ever fully growing. No escape of sceneries change . And alas the predators advantage is at bay. Twisted realm with no control . A subconscious can be a unruly hole.

Written By: Taylor Nichole Hewitt

I climbed a mountain yesterday
In my favorite pair of heels

And how I wish you’d been there
To see the looks on the faces of people who don’t know me
Who didn’t even care

But there I was with blisters
And when they asked if they hurt
I quietly shook my head.
And I hid my tears in my hair,
Because there was plenty to soak them up,
And there was no other use for my curls at the time.

But I climbed a mountain yesterday
In my favorite pair of heels.

I know you watched me from the bottom,
And I’d wished so badly that you’d come following behind
Telling me I didn’t have to do this by myself
Even though we both knew I did…
If I ever wanted to be happy again.
If I ever wanted to love again.

So you didn’t chase me…
You didn’t.
And I know why.
I guess it was enough to know that you were watching
It was enough until today

Because watching isn’t the same from that far away
I think there was a moment when you thought I was happy
With someone else

But a smile isn’t the same from that far away
And I don’t think you saw the number of times I looked back
Trying to find you
Because this boy wasn’t you

I think there was a moment when you saw us kiss
And yes,
We did
But kisses look different from that far away

And they were never planted anywhere special
Like ours
This boy and I,
We planted them in rocky places along the edge of the mountainside,
Where nothing grows and no one will stop to admire them.
They’re already dead today.

This boy,
He found me on the mountain yesterday
In my favorite pair of heels
And I’d wished I hadn’t hidden so many tears in my hair like that
Because it looked limp and loose and ugly.
But he said I looked pretty when I cried,
Even though it broke his heart.

He carefully took those heels off
And softly caressed the blisters
I could tell by his face he knew that I hurt
And why I was climbing
And why I was crying
And why I knew I couldn’t make it all the way up there,
All alone,
To the top of the world

So he scooped me into his arms
And whispered so many wonderful things
I think you thought I loved him, because I smiled a little, sometimes

But he carried me farther away from you
Until I couldn’t see you anymore

But it shouldn’t have mattered, because we made it to the top.

We should’ve been at the top…

But I missed you still…
I don’t know if you ever knew that.
But I want you to know that.
And I wish you could hear me say it:
I missed you.

The boy left today.

And I don’t know why I let him run away with my favorite pair of heels.
Well.
I didn’t let him run away with them.  I only meant to let him take them off...
It’s impossible to get them back now.
I don’t think you know yet what those heels meant to me,
And why they should be important to you.
But I will tell you someday.
Because it is important.
And I think you should know.

My feet hurt.
And I really don’t know why I tried running that day.

Maybe I didn’t understand what it meant to just wait for a while.
I think you know I hate that word by now.
But I do.
Which is ironic.
If you think about the conversations I have with you.
Where you pick my thoughts like cotton
And leave me empty, telling me nothing.
But I don’t really mind.

It was a mistake to leave my heart down there
I forgot to pack it before I set out to get over it all-

-I’m looking for you,
You know.
I left my heart down there for a reason,

And I’m just stuck now,
Dangling my feet over the edge of the world,
Scanning the bottom.
Wondering where you went off to.

Sigh.

I used to chase you
All around the atmosphere
But I would never reach you.

I finally paused
Looked down at the pastures
And fell in love with a flower.

She danced around
Always waiting on me.
She's made me happy.

I used to romanticize chases:
the sweet gestures,
the undeniable want to get something –
someone, anyone
the unconscious submission for love –
lust, want

I used to romanticize being chased:
something –
someone following my every breath
someone forcing himself for my love –
lust, want
someone who wouldn’t give me up

someone proving that I am neither wrong
nor right
someone giving me the privilege of wanting
tomorrow
someone constant, someone
just someone

I never thought that consistency
will soon become undone,
that the only constant thing in one’s life
will soon go back to ashes,
that willingness and love –
lust, want,
will soon disappear
like he did

I used to romanticize the chase:
the everyday with gifts and kisses,
the unconditional pain it will deal you,
the reassurance that you will never have.

I used to romanticize the chase,
but I never thought that
I'd be the one who
*chases.