I keep hearing that
in order to exist properly
amongst your peers
you need a strong sense of self.
I think that
the stains on my shirt
melancholic playlist in my ears
grumbling tummy
and agitation with self help websites
might be as good as it gets for my early 20's.

and I'm tired of trying to be perfectly healthy all the time.
and I think capacity for constant self awareness is a privilege.

Loved you when you were broke
Eased you when you were sore.
Existed through all the infliction
To make you an addiction.

Too solicitous to behold you
Well that’s the path I’ve travelled through.
Endured enough with utmost tolerance
That I Can ever take your absence.

In the process of shielding
My heart
I broke it
Thousand more time
Before anyone could ever do

Maybe you found someone new...
And this is probably my cue...
So I sat in in my room...
The door locked, i’m ready to shoot...
To leave and let go...
Cause You make feel so old...
And make me feel like a fool...
Because it’s been so long...
Where I haven’t really meant my “l love
you”s...
And how stupid of me...
How I felt so blue...
Falling in love with the broken pieces of the memories with you...
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do...
With all these feelings I feel for you...
So I guess it’s my cue...
To leave and let go of all my things I felt for you....
And knowing the sky...
is under the lovers unite...
the stars came down...
Whispering on how our fates were perfectly aligned...
and at a hundred and two...
I sat, staring up...

And for a moment I felt like I really loved you...

i apologize
for all the things i never said anything
for all the times i didn't speak up
for all the times i let you make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin
for all the times i let you make me feel guilty
for all the times i let you get away it
for all the times i let you win
for all the times i let you make me cry at 2am

i apologize for never telling you
that you were ruining everything about me
that you made me hate myself
and that this hate continues to run through my veins
for you
and for me
and everything that slipped through the cracks in between
as you broke me

Even if she broke my heart
I would give her my last part
To see her smile again.