I sit in class and stare at the back of your head
One seat ahead and two to the side
I can see the gentile features that make up your face
I love the glow of your essence
The magic that you dawn as your crown
I love you but I can’t tell you
The shadow you cast is what makes my world dark
But there’s no way for you to know
I want to hold you close and look in your eyes
And tell you how you free me
There are no assigned seats in college
But I count on your seat being filled
I need your existence so I am held in check
I need you to show me I am nothing
Just a speck in the sands of time
The sand in between your toes
As you walk on the beach with your boyfriend
And I am left wondering what my life would be like
If I could be with the girl
One step forward, two steps right
And a million miles away

You are part of my future
I hope
I quote Bon Jovi a lot
About you
He says what I can’t
He says
“I want you
Like the roses want the rain
I need you
Like the poet needs the pain”
He’s right
Love at first sight
But real
It’s like I can’t be too close to beauty
I wear bug spray
That only works
On butterflies
I want you
Like you are in my mind
I picture sitting
Across from you at family dinners
Looking you in the eye
Like we share some big secret
You in a blue dress
Spinning in a meadow
More beautiful
Than the flowers
I picture my first
Real smile
Smiling back
At your glee
I picture
A slow dance
In a crowd
But we don’t care
We don’t see them
I picture
You in a raincoat
Enjoying the rain
Because it helps
The flowers
I picture
A dinner for two
Near the window
Overlooking the sea
I picture
The sea itself
When I look into
Your sea-green eyes
I talk myself down
Then shut the f**k up
I sing a song
About love
Jon Bon Jovi says
“I never wanted the stars
Never shot for the moon
I like them right where they are
All I wanted was you”
I want you
To want me
But if you ever need
As JBJ said
“Someone beside you
Someone to cry to”
I am here
For you
I want to do
Anything you want me to
I would take you to
A pop concert
Even though
I hate pop
Hell
I would go to a
Yankees game for you
But I know
You like the Sox
So no big deal
I picture
Dark clouds
Clearing out
I want to sing to you
And play you the guitar
And drum a rhythm
On my leg
As I wait for you
To get ready
I want to lose myself
In your eyes
I picture
Growing old
And sitting beside you
On the porch
Looking back
At all those memories
That haven’t happened yet
Material goods blind us
Experiences shape us
But you turn
Me to us
You are the link
Neither material good
Nor experience
I picture
Us

Dim screens turn into
Bright supernovas gazing
At your mere presence

When I floundered I
Got taken by mere fingers
To a new resort

Though hurt lingers and
Pain corrupts the somber air
I always belong

And maybe, I have
After that darkness within
Some radiance spared

It's you my soul feels home with
Behind ego's dysfunctional patterns
It's you my heart rests easy with

that you’ve taken
my brain away from me  
that my entire being
is consumed
by thoughts of you
I’ve never wanted
to belong to somebody
so much
.

How to explain
How to find the words to bring the inner confusion and unspoken thoughts out
There’s a place I can do it
A place I can speak the unspeakable
Don’t panic, noisy head, confused heart, little girl, strong woman
Don’t worry, try to trust, try to keep the beauty in your heart
You don’t have to understand it all, or any of it
Be gentle, try and be gentle
Give into being listened to, ask the little girl questions
She wants to be heard, she wants to be understood, she wants to be encouraged
To be found beautiful, to feel special and to feel loved
Jealous thoughts and feelings hurt, they hurt
Accept them, feel them, allow them to pass
Say f*ck it and don’t worry.
Fear of ending up with the wrong person...
I want health in my life, I want comfort, I want a home
I want connection
I want to be confident, I want to be compassionate, I want to be kind
I want to be honest, I want to do what I say I will
I want to have integrity, I want to be peaceful within myself
I want to recycle
I want to be engaged in the world
To accept myself and feel enough
To be grown up enough, and to have enough self-respect to behave well
To think positive thoughts about myself and others
To have a family
To belong.