Today was going to be a good day
I promised myself this when I woke up
I thought maybe fake optimism and forced smiles will be enough this time
And I tried to hold my head high
But things fall apart
I felt the walls closing in on me
I searched for a window but there were none Water must have filled my lungs
Because I couldn’t breathe
And another promise was broken
A promise I made myself so
At least it wasn’t anyone that matters
People say there’s always tomorrow
But that’s hard to believe because
I don’t even see past tonight
Today was so long it felt like an eternity
Maybe it was an eternity
But an eternity spent alone is not one I want
Maybe that’s why my demons are so hard to fight off
Sometimes they pretend to care
Even though they don’t care
People don’t care
I don’t care
Actually I do care
A lot
It hurts that people don’t notice me
But it’s my fault for becoming invisible
Today was going to be a good day
Look how that turned out

You
are
like
an
eye
infection
in
the
sense
that
every
time
I
close
my
eyes
I
am
reminded
of
your
existence
and
the
pain
that
comes
with
it
so
now
I
figure
it
is
better
to
live
with
my
eyes
wide
open
so
I'm
not
faced
with
the
bitter
darkness
that
ta­kes
its
place
behind
my
eyeballs
whenever
you
are
not
around

Why do we inflict pain on others
Just to do it
Just to see them cry
Why do you beat mommy up and then the next day act all sorry
Why do you keep doing it
If you are really sorry you would stop
Why do you threaten me if I try to tell someone
You said it is a game
I don't like this game daddy
Why don't you take me to ball games
And take me out for ice cream
And play games like all the other dads do?
Why do you laugh when you make me cry
Why are you never there for me
Why do you do this
Daddy this has gone on for years
Years and years enough for too many tears
5 years pass and a million tears fall
Clothes in shreds
And I have no bed
Seeing stars in my eyes
While your grinning devilishly
You raise your hand
And I can't stand
You say sorry
But sorry is not enough
I've learned to be tough
And I don't buy your crap apologies anymore
This has gone on for more than a years
12 too many years
This needs to stop
I can't escape
Why can't you stop
I'm dying can't you see
daddy Stop
Your hurting me
Daddy I'm dying
Daddy God loves you
Why don't you understand that
Daddy war has harden your heart
Daddy stop
I never go anywhere
I'm always in dingy house with badly worn furniture
Daddy where's mommy
I saw the police discovered a ****** body in the dumpster
Daddy crys stop
Daddy I hate you
Go where you belong in hell

And on that day my love. You will understand why time exists. Limits and endings.

They are there for cowards like you who kidnap cupid only
To find that they cannot **** her.
You can’t demand a ransom because I was never available to the taking.
I belong to whomever is brave enough to take on my demons.
Blow after blow.Kiss after kiss. Smile after frown.

I was never  yours to own or brand .
I am the one you find at the bottom of “seen” and beside double ticks as if
Black and blue weren’t a perfect match.

I am the one you find at the bottom of a Hennessey bottle or a shot glass.
Because I hit that hard and remind you that regret and pain have a redial button.
I am the one that will remind you that I can’t be  reason
enough that mommy or daddy did not love you
Bohoo. The world is cold and dark. I am sure you if you searched deeper
and looked a bit longer
You will see that god doesn’t just send angels to look over us for no reason
We are monsters that need guarding.
Don’t play with fire if you are not ready to burn all the way
This love game is for grown-ups. Sit down and play with your toys.
Let the adults handle this.
Be a coward. Walk away and I hope that one day you will have the courage to look
Back on days when assessing liquids and suffocating in thick clouds
gives you the strength to do so.
Find me in the darkness and in the light.
I am the Yin and Yan. ***** being either One.
I am both. I am what they call the One.
Your beginning and your end.
Since you have ended this journey, let me start. One.

I write
Because I feel
I feel almost every emotion that runs through my body
Overwhelms the being

I feel
Because I have a heart
A heart to contain an important someone
Protecting his too

I have a heart
Because I live...

I live
Because....
*I'm worthy
Worthy to the people who needs me
My emotions to understand them
My heart to love them
My life to exist with them