I try to speak because
I have so many thoughts
and stories to tell
yet I can't find the words
and my head just yells them
arguing back and forth,
what do I say next?

my mind is at war
and I'm just trying to win the battle,
a battle just to open my mouth
but I always seem to lose.
So I just sit there, silent.

And even my tears
seem to
fall
without a sound.

I do not want to argue anymore
Show me the way to the door
I would rather slum it surfing couch to couch
Than hide from life as I slack and slouch
Look down upon from your self-righteous horse
Insults hurled til your voice is hoarse
And "wouldn't you feel bad if I died?"
As if unaware of how I feel inside

I am not a perfect daughter
I'm sure you agree
Your temper is hotter
I'm the reason frequently
Telling you it is only in your brain
You have a meltdown
Upset
Chalking worry up to being insane
Not what you deserve to get
Going to be an improved child
I'm completely grown
Easy to provoke and wild
Still the sweet baby you've always known
Now I am telling you I'm sorry
For excessive bitchiness and tears
Blaming you when it was me
Causing half the problems through the years
It is not easy to admit I'm wrong
Doesn't mean that you are right
It takes two to get along
Like it does to fight
It is going to take determination from both of us
It will be worth the patience to try
Maybe peace we longingly discuss
Will be reality for you and I
I cannot change this on my own
Wish you would meet me halfway
Once in awhile just leave it alone
On subjects you feel you must put in your say
You want what's best for me
Hurt because you care
One thing I've been itching to let free
"Thank you" for being there
Regardless of what flaws come between
Relationship has withstood them all
Though at times you can act mean
Petty quarrels usually stay small
So this is a token of my hidden gratitude
To show how you mean so much
Also an apology for being rude
Not keeping in proper touch
No matter how drastic our ups and downs
The thing that will not ever change
That you'll always be around
Arms open to me despite how strange
I often take that for granted
Focus on bad stuff you've done
Of all the occasions I've ranted
Not once did I mention the depth of your love
The countless sacrifices you willingly made
In order for me to do well
How my hair you'd affectionately braid
Somehow I left out of the stories I'd tell
So it is written (here in purple ink no less)
Save as proof of what's in my heart
Next time it will remind us when in distress
What is important when falling apart
Forgive me for pain I've inflicted
Lies and each mess my hand makes
Know my actions have left you afflicted
I swear I'll make up for all the mistakes

I'd rather hide the words
And have it your way

Than arguing with you
While drowning myself
With hate

I wont let asteroids of troubles
Come down
In our world
Destroyed
By
"Just a feeling"