I’m sorry
I wear my body like an apology
I’m sorry
I take up so much space
I’m sorry
I speak quietly
Or not at all
Because my voice takes up so much space
And what if someone else wants to talk?

I’m sorry
I push you away
And I’m sorry
I’m insecure
And I’m sorry
I apologize so much.

I look up to a pale blue sky
With apologetic eyes
And a heart so very filled
With dim.
Take me back
To the empty box I was
Before I began feeding myself
Gin and jokes of grim.
God, please wash me off my sin,
Or take this foolish thick layer
Of skin.


-- Eleanor

The feelings inside me was enough to **** me. Us pulling up in his car just to see you come out of yours. The high disappeared. The vibes were gone. My heart began to pound louder than a drum on Chinese new year. You were heading our way.

I felt it. Your disappointment and anger. The look of betrayal written all over your face. You were keeping it all together when you really wanted to fall apart.

And there we were. All three of us standing in front of each other. Twas a night of good vibes ended up in a sour taste. All because I thought you wouldn't have understood. And there we were.

As one parted his way, you grabbed my hand and we started to walk away from the venue. I looked at you as you looked ahead. And all that was running through my head was to get away from you. When I had no right to. I watched you yell and scream for what felt like an eternity. I felt your pain and displeasure, all while I tried to prove an invalid point; trying to make it seem like you were wrong when it was actually me.
I heard you say words I've never heard you use before. I watched your eyes danced with madness, your pupils widening into great pools of rage and at the end all dim down with a flow of tears.

I wanted to hug you. I wanted to say I was sorry. I wanted to tell you that I didn't want to hurt you and that I had made some stupid decisions. But I didn't. Pride held me back and ego covered my mouth. Instead I watch you cry. It was unbelievable.

You drove me home that night. Nothing was said for a good 20 minutes. Then you pulled up into a parking lot to a highway hotel by the I15, where we began to talk again. Ego didn't silence me and pride didn't restrain me. We talked for what felt like hours when it was really 15 minutes. Then we were at my house. Where you hugged me good night. The smell of white amber and cardamom filled my nose... and then you drove away..


A lot happened that night. It was one of the many nights I said to myself I was never going to hurt you like that again........and I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for the lonely,
I'm sorry for the mad.
I'm sorry for the poor,
For the things they ever want.

I'm sorry for the hungry,
I'm sorry for the bad.
I'm sorry for the rich,
Never contented of what they had.

I'm sorry for the fool,
I'm sorry for that lad,
For that girl who trusted him
For his gift of broken heart

I'm sorry for the world.
I'm sorry for those blood,
I'm sorry for these sins,
Oh please forgive me God.



© **Leigh Herondale

A fatal flaw
of selflessness
that is humbling
on paper
but self-destructive.

The days I am happy
There is nothing wrong
It is as white as a blank sheet of paper

The days I am sad
Are as dark as the winter nights
When you told me you loved me
And then called me just to say
"Baby you didn't mean a ******* thing"