The night is dark.
The path is long.
The monsters are out.
In the shadows, they lurk.

Take my hand.
Let us find our way home.
No matter what comes tonight,
I promise to never leave you alone.

Shades of purple
Come out easily
Purple displays strength well known
Those types of arms that feel like home

She writes in cursive
Unique calligraphies
They translate in depth, you sink
Leagues and oceans upon paper and ink

Fights the wild things
They mistake her for one of their own
And though untamed she may be
She stays vigil, her own she oversees

Shade always seems the same
A book in volumes under lock and key
If you read what bled through you might worry, so
She gives you only what you need to know

Always purple
Different hues now and then
She will always be your solid ground
Even when her world is crumbling ‘round

It's been years since I wrote like this about what I'm feeling but it's been a tough night so here goes-

It's the start of the semester and I can't help but have this feeling of impending doom, like all my fears might just come true..

That this addiction I've been battling with for years might just bring me down. That I'm alone in fearing it, because it's not what you'd expect, and it's utterly uncommon. That I might just succumb to not reaching out to people and just fail altogether. And so many more fears..

I just feel really scared, sad and hopeless right now. The person whom I've always confided in has become something unfamiliar, that I don't recognize, and I feel sort of.. misplaced. I don't want to ruin my life but I might just be in the way of doing that. And I suppose writing this was a way of just putting this miserable mess of feelings out there. Trying to make it leave my body for good.

I don't want my penchant for introversion, as a shy person, to become the loneliness that might just destroy me. I'm afraid it's halfway there.

I don't think I have the strength to do this... i don't know if I can. It *****, feeling this small, cowering under the weight of all the fears hitting your brain at once in the middle of the night.

Most of all, I'm afraid I won't ever get over the addiction, and live my whole life battling it, fail and just... wither away. I don't know if I can because it has influenced and defined so much of the girl I am today. Both good and bad things. That's why it's hard to give it up.

Thank you to whoever reads this, have a great day!

I am so appalled.
How have I fallen for you so fast?
Why does it hurt to be away from you?
Why does not being around you make my heart ache?
Why does not being around you make me weak?
Why?
I can't understand how I have fallen so deeply in love with you so fast.
I can't.
I told myself I would not get this attached to you.
I told myself I would go slow.
I told myself I would not surrender myself to you.
But here we are.
And I am afraid.
I know I should not be,
You have my back,
You stand by me.
I should not be,
But somehow I am.
I am so scared that you are doing this just for the pleasure.
I am so scared that you actually hate my body.
I am scared that you think I am annoying.
I am scared that you might end up hating me.
I am so scared.
I am terrified you are going to tell everyone everything,
And then leave me.
I am afraid you don't love me,
Like you say that you do.
I am so scared,
Because I love you with everything in my being.
I have never loved like this.
It is terrifying.
I have never felt like this.
And I can't tell if that is a good thing,
Or a bad thing right now.

hold me
i know i say it too much
love me
i'm not afraid of your touch
im scared
that i'll never be enough
i'm starving
for a taste of your love

i’ve always had an aversion to crowded spaces
it's not something i enjoy
and how can i
when my mind is crowded too

the more people that surround me,
the more i’m aware i exist

eyes meet mine and watch me as i move
i look away after that
so their hands can’t hurt me
and their hearts can’t love me

i fall back into the shadows
leaving one crowd, for another
self-sabotage, they call it
having no intention to change

always between two fires
getting burned either way

Dear future,

Time and I aren’t friends
We aren’t lovers
Yet I can’t live without it
I’m always falling off an edge
I’m sure you are too
The clock ticks louder
Every time I look for you
You, the future.
You wait at every corner
I chase you
But can never catch up
I’m always stuck in the present
As I dream of you
Sometimes you keep me up at night
Because I’m thinking,
Tirelessly exhausted.
I let time break me piece by piece
As I chase after the stars
And stand under the shadow
Of your relentless timing
Waiting for you
Anticipating...

i crave so desperately your heart
in my hands,
beating as one with the pulse in my wrist,
you say no you cannot
that’s too much gore,
gory you say
you will not partake in,
so instead you offer
your days
to someone else who although
they ask for your heart as well,
you know you can resist
them
and me you cannot.