It's been years since I wrote like this about what I'm feeling but it's been a tough night so here goes-
It's the start of the semester and I can't help but have this feeling of impending doom, like all my fears might just come true..
That this addiction I've been battling with for years might just bring me down. That I'm alone in fearing it, because it's not what you'd expect, and it's utterly uncommon. That I might just succumb to not reaching out to people and just fail altogether. And so many more fears..
I just feel really scared, sad and hopeless right now. The person whom I've always confided in has become something unfamiliar, that I don't recognize, and I feel sort of.. misplaced. I don't want to ruin my life but I might just be in the way of doing that. And I suppose writing this was a way of just putting this miserable mess of feelings out there. Trying to make it leave my body for good.
I don't want my penchant for introversion, as a shy person, to become the loneliness that might just destroy me. I'm afraid it's halfway there.
I don't think I have the strength to do this... i don't know if I can. It *****, feeling this small, cowering under the weight of all the fears hitting your brain at once in the middle of the night.
Most of all, I'm afraid I won't ever get over the addiction, and live my whole life battling it, fail and just... wither away. I don't know if I can because it has influenced and defined so much of the girl I am today. Both good and bad things. That's why it's hard to give it up.
Thank you to whoever reads this, have a great day!
