“She’s the one that got me addicted”
— you say with a sly smile
I find it funny
that somewhere between those
minty cigarette drags and drunken kisses
and all the memories we’ve made
out of them
I somehow ended up addicted too—
not to the cigarettes— but to you.

Amputate them from myself.
Not masochism, but medically necessary.
Do I deserve such a relief?

They multiply, and strip away time.
Their mitosis is parasitic. Alien. Destructive.
This ailment leaches from me.

So glad to see you temptation...
One of love’s demons, life’s meanings

Darkness inundates this plane.
Lone light on what I’m craving.
Perched upon a ring pillow of velvet.
Distant from a vestal white, ****** pearl.
Far from what I need right now.

I don’t want to feel this lurking hostility!
Distracts my complete hospitality.
Stalking me like a meal, I can’t show what I feel.

Not until I break down and release.
Like an animal, on my knees at feast.
Only a small chunk taken from their population.
In mitosis they’ll be back shortly.
To start this destructive cycle again.

You're the ** in my favorite song
You're the rhythm
That drives me along
Gotta turn you up to turn me on
It's magnetic I get it
I don't want it to ever stop.

Addicted to you to you
There's nothing that I won't do,
Won't do to see you
I'm so addicted to you, to you
I only really want to,
Want to be near you.

I'm the light on at your place
I'm a bird on the wire
As hard as I try
As I try to forget you
I can't get you out of my mind.

I need you like a candy
I need you like...
Addicted to you,
There's nothing that I can do,
About it.

I'm just so addicted to the feeling of feeling. Of wishing for something more because this can't be it. I want fireworks, smiles that stops the heart, the softest touch of your hand against my waist, explosions and gasps saying all that our mouths can't say when we're breathing in each other. I want a love that you can really feel, that you can touch. I want eyes talking, staring hungrily at me like they just can't have enough. Kisses adoring every inch of my body and you grabbing my hips because you just need me closer to you. I want that. Even if it's just in my head, I want it. So I stay dreaming all my awaken time, knocking me over to feel something more than this nothingness, turning me inside out to find a new angle where I might meet you. Through movies, books, even my own texts. Because I need to feel it to soften this longing. I need to feel like there's something more waiting for me than just these ordinary emotions, this neutral life.

Why am I like this

I’m attracted to poison

If it could hurt me, I want it

I’ll crave it

Desire will burn in my veins

Because I need it

Something deadly

Something toxic in my blood

Just... just let me try it...