Sometimes it’s like a dream in broad daylight
A realization of the blessing I’ve been given in my life
A magical feeling surrounds me- they call it love
Feels like an ecstasy I can never escape
A feeling I tried to escape until I realized I could not find peace with it.
Drowning in devotion, almost as though he has become my religion
A heaven sent energy
I’d let him take slice of my heart if it meant keeping him fed with love and support.
A piece of heaven brought into a living hell
He calls me an angel- little does he know that he’s the reason for my wings
He is everything I haves prayed for and more.
A love everlasting that brings peace to a chaotic mind, a man worthy of forgiveness, acceptance and so much more- a man I’ve been granted the opportunity to call mine.
Today my mind is clouded and my heart is heavy
Although even with all this weight I carry from my thoughts to my feelings
My body feels as though I am floating between the earth an the sky with nowhere to go
I wonder if your heart becomes as heavy as mine
If thoughts of me ever flood your mind.
Do you also feel like it is hard to breathe?
As though you cannot receive enough oxygen no matter how deep the breaths you take may be?
I wonder if your throat tightens like mine does when I start to wonder where everything went wrong.
Because I can't seem to find an answer I just know that we fell off.
Do you ever wonder about why we never ended up together even though the love on both ends was so strong?
Because I wonder often- even though I know I shouldn't
...I stay wondering if you're wondering too.
because something doesn't feel right about us being separated but something always feels right when I write.
I always find myself thinking about you.
Even on days where I am busy-
My thoughts still find their way to you.
I can't seem to shake the feeling of a string that keeps us tied together while we are on our own separate journeys.
Although your absence still burns- I know I am better off.
I wish you could see me now...
To see what the pain of losing you created as I learned to love myself because I had no other place to pour my love.
I am so powerful without you and maybe you were the upside down fool in my deck of cards and now you are upright and do not deserve to see what you have helped to create.
Yet, there is still that feeling that we are connected in our souls and I cannot seem to find scissors strong enough to cut it.
My logic knows you never belonged to me but my heart questions whether or not you ever will.
A battle within myself that even at my highest point I cannot shake because maybe right now I am my own fool.
You were always a 12-hour shift
Just two punches of my lips
Once in at 10PM
And once out at 10AM
An easy rhythm of making sure you were satisfied
I quit, but I forgot to clock out
And this ******* feeling never seems to fade even after I worked my last shift.
Just like working a 9-5 for so long- some things never fade no matter how long it has been since you last clocked in.
When I was younger I would romanticize love
I always wanted someone that was Tonic for my heart
To leave me so drunk in love that I couldn't recall seeing life without rose tinted glasses
Have someone that I would die for and they would die for me
Although, no one warned me that love could be addictive
That the withdrawals would drive you insane
-and that if they did die you wouldn't have the choice but to continue on without them
That if you looked at life with rose tinted glasses it would bury your soul six feet under when they shattered.
Right when I believed in love again- it all broke into a million pieces
It was the sensation that exploded from just ******* that reminded me that you were just a toy and my love for you a myth.