We were never a love story...
We were more a story of love
You were a title and I merely a chapter
We grew no choice but to digress
To go back to being best friends, two peas in a pod who stared at each other a second too long.
god I wish it could change
The weight of an unrequited love
it feels so heavy-
It's probably the heaviest weight of all
I wonder if that's why my heart is so strong
for my best friend.
You appeared in my intuition before you appeared before my eyes.
I could sense that we were wandering close enough to cross paths for a short amount of time.
What I could not sense was how your presence would bring my heart to full capacity and for a few mere moments I would be drowning in my love for you instead of simply treading.
I could not see that the moment you walked out of the door, and looked at me one to many times, that the vacancy sign in my mind would flip on while my heart continued to deny anyone from checking in.
My intuition tried to prepare me but I suppose no one can ever be ready to see the one person that left them alone walk away once more.
I saw you at a party and from across the room you smiled at me and I was only able to smile back by reminding myself of how I felt before you left me for someone that you felt was better than me.
You passed by me and laughed at my joke as though the last thing you said to me didn't make me choke.
You waved goodbye to me and did a double take as though I was the one that left you and as if this was my choice to make.
I saw you at a party and I really wish I hadn't because now I question if you miss me too after months without seeing you.
So sometimes when I think of you my throat gets tight.
Sometimes my body twitches on it's own the way it would have if you touched it.
Sometimes I miss you.
I must remember that you only loved me for the way my skin shined in the sun and never for the way my soul shimmered in the moonlight.
Sometimes that reason is why I can think of you and feel nothing at all.
So although sometimes I cry at my memories with you, other times I am glad I left you too.
because occasionally I can go without you
The walls of my room have secrets that even my closest friends do not know.
They have seen me toss and turn restless night after restless night or watched me play dead as I sleep away my exhaustion.
The passing time within these walls have been painted with the sound of my cries and cleaned with pools of my tears as I constantly wonder why I am never good enough.
They hold the moans of men that are enticed ever so long to make their mark and then leave.
The walls hear the conversations about men that didn't matter but still managed to make me feel like I did.
They hold the snores of others as they rest peacefully after finding pleasure as I lay still wondering why I still feel nothing.
The walls hold in everything.
They have heard every intrusive thought and every "I hate you" that has managed to escape from my lips towards my own reflection.
They have heard my anxious whispers-
my whimpers of pain.
Yet, they do not judge.
They simply lock away everything I can never find the courage to say.
things are getting better but things are interesting when you start to think about everything the walls of your bed room have heard