Fruitless efforts left
Me bruised like a Georgia peach
So sweet nonetheless

2020 nears end, still grasping a warmth that does not belong to her. i feel alive with her reluctance to let go. these hands have known no loosening, their pals hollowed from tirelessly gripping onto things as we do words. i don't even remember what are in these hands, i wonder if 2020 does either. we all, i suppose, are at fault here; helplessly bestowing too many promises of life and experience on her shoulders, ignorant to her plans of making a spectacle of us. do not mock me 2020, i walked into you as blind as i was bold. we are all so removed from the envy of earlier years — of age, of divinity, of promises, of all the smiles we knew were enough for the time being. now, there is nothing but the feeling of a wind biting against our cheeks and the bitter after taste of hope. what are our days, our years, our time, truly worth in the end?

The Christmas Blues
are falling like snow-
they chill me to the bone.
I'm all wrapped up
in the Christmas Blues
just like the presents
underneath your tree

There's a certain type of novelty
in these seemingly innocent moments all made possible by exalting the kinetic energy by the inner workings of levers,pistons, and cylinders. It's a pause in time and thought, momentary bliss.  These fleeting moments in time could make you forget all the bad in the world.

things she doesn’t ask...

are they things,
she doesn’t know to ask,
or
are they things
to which,
she does not want to know
the answers.

my not knowing the answer to this puzzle,
drives me to distraction, her Mona Lisa smile,
accompanied by her noncommittal “whatever,”
hiding the answer, nearly leads me over a blurting edge,
but for my inevitable retreat, for the true question,
has a  truer answer, that comes as well, 
in question form.  

Why do I,


or do I,

want to know?

These are the endless days of endlessness
These are the days, when time is just present
There is a disbelieved past, a future unimaginable
Here is the only now, a permanent-present-tensing-participle

Faces smiling semi-graciously present, desperately seeking coaxing
The winter dark, living room occasional lit by one, mostly TV glow
Radiance lives inside only, but well remembered songs cause
Cry outs for who, the what, the needed, we’ve forcibly memorized

Observing winter’s river from kitchen window, it’s colored
*****-dusk-blue, like my eyes, add overlaying images of sparkles
But my magic not powerful, my love can’t see them
My bag-o-tricks can’t bring her sunshine, 2020 sorcerer’s gold

These are the days of endless dancing alone,
Longest walk from bed to kitchen, worn the weary wood shiny
True romancing still abounds, but so well hid, 99% invisible
Even when you ask without asking to be held oh-so-tight

These are the days, riverside, when slow flowing waters offer
No hinting of faraway treasures to be someday discovered
The magician vain struggles to find loving tricks to unlock
Her loving grace, her water-to-wine breathing demeanor*

These are the days, that forever need remembering, saving
No savoring, the absence of joyous everyone, everywhere
These are the days of absence+abstinence that lasted forever
You've got to hold them in your forever heart, lest we forget

someday my kids will ask me
“what happened in the year 2020?”

what didn’t happen?
2020 wasn’t a year
it was a war
a war between society
and mother nature herself
it was chaos
it was a pandemonium
it was when fires grew
higher than trees
burning homes and the lives in them
killing the ones that fought
against it
it was when the bryant
family dreams were crushed
a girl that would never
play basketball again
and a father that would
never get to cheer her
on from the sidelines
or watch her persuade the same
career he did
both never getting to see the light of day again
it was when a man couldn’t breathe
because the same people that are
supposed to save us
also killed one of us
they were white
he was black
making moms scared for
their kids lives
if they decide they ever
wanna become an officer
it was the year a legend died
while making kids think it’s cool to
do drugs
but not warning them about it
until it was connected to his
name on the headlines across
the usa
it was the year riots happened
instead of protests
where people got mad over the death of blacks
but put themselves at risk
not caring about the color of their own skin
thinking it would
make a difference in the
world if we got
rid of those who
serve us during shootings
rapes
murders
robberies and ensure our safety
it was when our president failed to
keep us safe
causing a pandemic
and deaths of families members
and emitting fear in people of all ages
it was the year he also thought it was right
to rip kids from their families
due to the ethnicity they were born with
thinking that it would be a positive thing
to give families trauma and fear for
the rest of their lives
it was when people thought
that letting a pregnant elephant
eat a pineapple that they rigged with
firecrackers would be
okay to do
cause that’s just a “normal” thing
not killing one animal but two
and the hope of many
to stop animal cruelty
the year the world got diagnosed
with depression
because people would
rather risk the lives of their families and selves
to do something without a mask
when kids started to hate their parents
for trying to keep them and themselves safe
and when our jobs became a source of little payment


but that’s not all that happened
it was also the year that
biden became president
putting us out
of our misery and
preventing further damage to
our would and society
they year baking and cooking
became a thing
for people of all ages
bringing kids and
parents together
its the year that people
came together
to make masks
and make sure that
others stay healthy and safe
the year that people realized
how hard and
scary it is to be black
and that you can
be doing nothing
but still have to be aware of cops
and not looking
dangerous or suspicious
its the year that kids who
wanted pets got them
even when their parents
said not in a million years
the year kids got creative
making viral videos
and doing great things
its the year that crayola
launched a new box of crayons
with diverse
skin colors for children
to "accurately color
themselves into the world."
its the year that we learned that
homeschooling is harder than it looks
and finally appreciated our teachers
for all the things
they do and deal
with on a daily basis
while getting paid so little
the year that we came
up with creative things to do with
our friends and family
outside and on zoom
the year we got to make so
many memes and tik toks
about covid that
the rest of the world finds relatable
and funny as well
it was the year we got to see
into the lives of celebrities and
show host while they
give us news and their kids
dance in the backgrounds of
the screen
it’s the year of a lot of deals and
free things because
who doesn’t like making people
smile over the little things
the year we all finally got to
catch up on our favorite tv shows
and spend time
alone and/or with our kids
being able to pick up and finish that book
everyone raves about
and getting up late because
you don’t have much
to deal with
the year the good games
came out and the best shows
became available
the year we all saved money
from not having to drive so much
and by the things we would need if we were living
life normally
and the year that we will get to tell
the best and most unbelievable and dramatic stories
about when your kids have kids, when we have kids,
or just to brag to people about in the future
its the year covid became scarier
than being grounded by
dad for getting a c+ in school
or mom getting mad at you for argue
back even though you didn’t
it was the year everything fell apart
only to bring us together to bring everything together
the year that the worst became the good
the year that no one else will witness and
experience than the ones
that lived through 2020